Sofija Stefanovic - War and Peace (and Humping)

 

In 1991, I was nine. I lived in Belgrade, Yugoslavia, just as the civil war was starting. My parents, even though we were Serbs, were against the nationalist government. So, they went to protests all the time and they were trying to work out how to get a visa for us to move to Australia. But all of that faded into the background for me, because I didn't care about politics, I cared about romance. [audience chuckles] 

 

My auntie had this big stack of old video cassettes. While my friends from school watched communist kids TV, I used to watch things like Gone with the Wind, and Wuthering Heights, and Romeo and Juliet. More than anything, I wanted to be like a Hollywood heroine who makes grand gestures and fights for love.

 

Now, my elementary school crush was a far cry from a Hollywood hero. I still thought he was amazing. So, his name was Nicola, and he was tall and he had dark hair. One time, he wrapped a string of chewing gum all around his head and had to get his hair cut off. [audience laughter] While I got my romantic education from old English language films, he got his romantic education from the adult themed video game Leisure Suit Larry. [audience laughter]

 

His thing that he would do is he would come up, sneak up behind girls and pretend hump them. [audience chuckles] So, you'd be standing around a group of girls talking about something, and Nicola would sneak up, and then he would bump your butt with his pelvis. That was like his move. And if you were the girl, you would jump back and say, "Oh, that's disgusting," and he would laugh like crazy. Even though I too would jump back and say, "Oh, that's disgusting," secretly I kind of liked it. [audience laughter] And I thought, maybe Nicola is romantic like me. He's just not sophisticated enough to show it properly yet. [audience laughter] 

 

So, meanwhile, the war was creeping into our lives more. People were lining up for bread. I wasn't allowed to go to the corner store anymore, because a gang had broken in there and put hand grenades in people's mouths. My parents were going to these protests every night and they were taking me with them. We would go to these protests and light candles for the people who were dying in Croatia.

 

And then, one day at school, our teacher told us that Nicola wasn't coming to school that day, because his dad had died in the war. This was really shocking to me, because I knew that the war was going on in Croatia, but I didn't realize that it could affect us in that way. I realize now that people's dads could die in war. Nicola's dad had died, and maybe my dad could die as well. Our teacher told us that the next day after school, she would take our whole class to the funeral, so that we could support our classmate. And secretly, I couldn't help thinking this. I was like, "Oh, maybe I'll stand next to Nicola, and then maybe we'll hold hands or something just to comfort him."

 

And then, something really strange happened, which is that my parents banned me from going. And I said, "But Nicola's dad died in the war." My dad said, "Yes, but Nicola's dad was a nationalist and he went to the war as a volunteer." And I said, "Yes, but we go and we light candles for people who died in the war." And my mum said, "Yes, but the people who we light candles for were killed by people like Nicola's dad." And suddenly, it hit me that Nicola was actually my enemy, and that I had dreamt about holding hands with the enemy, and I had secretly enjoyed having my butt bumped by the pelvis of the enemy. [audience laughter] Everything that his family stood for was the opposite of what my family stood for. And I felt so ashamed.

 

And the next week, Nicola came back to school. I avoided eye contact with him, because I knew he was the enemy now, even though he clearly didn't know that. So, he just kept acting like he always did, just maybe a little bit quieter. And that got me thinking and I thought, is Nicola actually my enemy? Isn't he just like a kid at school? It wasn't Nicola's idea for his dad to go to the war, just like it wasn't actually my idea to go to the protests with my parents. This actually wasn't about us. This was all about our parents and their war. And then, I realized that we were in a Montague-Capulet situation. [audience laughter] My heart did a little flutter, and I thought, this is my chance. This is my chance to make my move and to be like a Hollywood heroine, make a grand gesture and fight for love.

 

And I was thinking, what am I going to do? So, it was lunchtime and Nicola was walking towards me to his locker, and I was like, "Oh, Okay. As he walks by, maybe I'll kiss him, or maybe I'll say one of the things that was on my mind, like, ‘I'm sorry I didn't come to your dad's funeral’ or ‘I'm sorry that our parents are dragging us into their wars’ or ‘I love you.’" [audience laughter] As he walked towards me, I didn't actually do any of those things. I just turned and pretended to write something in my notebook, and he snuck up behind me and bumped my butt with his pelvis. [audience chuckles] He laughed and he said, "Got you." I rolled my eyes and pretended to be annoyed, but actually I was happy, because we were kids again.

 

A few months later, my family moved to Australia. I don't know what happened with Nicola. I don't know if when he grew up he followed in the steps of his father and went to the war, or if he got out of the country like so many young people of my generation. But I do still think about him, and I also think about that little nine-year-old me who was so passionately in love with her enemy. Sometimes when I see the horrible things that happened to my region, and what people did to each other, and the things you see people doing to each other every day, I feel a bit sad and cynical. And that's when I try and find that little part of myself, because she is still there, that little me who dreams about peace and believes love conquers all. Thank you.