Qing Zhao - Things I Knew for Sure

 

In exactly 28 days, I will be moving to Melbourne, the one in Australia, not the one in Florida. I found out about this in June, when my company told me that they will move there for a year. It was one of those things, that's a big only-one-person-gets-picked. I rushed home and I told my parents. My dad was on his couch at the time and his face planted in front of his laptop. I saw him pull his head back, the white hair behind his ears peeking out a bit. I already knew what he was going to say. "I don't think you should go. You should stay here and find a boyfriend." [audience laughter] 

 

You see, in China, where we're from, someone like me, that is a woman, 30 years old and single, I am what's considered sheng nu or literally, leftover woman. It doesn't matter that my parents have traveled around when they were young. When it comes to me, the generation gap is real. I, however, did not want to put my life on hold for someone who did not exist. [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause] 

 

So, I began to plan my adventure in Australia. It's as if the universe heard my parents' calling, a couple weeks later, I met Adam. Adam, well, he's perfect. [audience laughter] Adam is this rare breed of engineer and athlete. [audience laughter] He's looking for something real. We talked on the phone every day, and he could make me laugh until my stomach hurt. One day, when we talked about the visions we had for our lives, Adam said unprompted, "There's one thing I know, for sure, I will never, ever have a long-distance relationship."

 

I was wondering when to tell Adam about Australia, so I guess it made my life easier. [audience laughter] After some back and forth, we decided to keep going, because when you have something special, you try to make it work. And things continued to be perfect. I met his best friends. He sent pictures of us to his mom. And I began to think about things like, “What if I delay my trip for a couple months and we'll try to make this work?” 

 

Adam began to tell me about his future plans too, like the vacations he wanted to take next year: Morocco, Papua New Guinea, not once Australia. And one day, I just had to be like, "Hey, man, what's going on?" to which he responded, "The one thing I know, for sure, I will never, ever do long distance." That night, I stayed home. I buried my face in my hands. A million thoughts rushed through my head. Could I have been more or better, so he can change his mind? Should I stay? What if dad was right all along, that this whole Australia thing was just a self-sabotaging scheme to turn away love? 

 

I saw my dad getting up from his couch and I just knew what he was going to say. "Why can't you just listen and stay?" And at that moment, he actually said, "One-year flies by. If this man doesn't even want to work with you on this, what are you doing? You are going to Australia." [chuckles] 

 

[applause] 

 

I took another good look at him, the white hair behind his ears still peeking out, and I knew that the biggest worry he has in life was for me to finally settle down. And yet, at that moment, he wasn't treating me like a leftover woman. Instead, he was telling me, "Don't you put your life on hold, even for someone who does exist, even if he's perfect." 

 

I walked over and I gave him a hug. My dad barely knew how to give a proper hug back, so all he did was just put one arm around me and gently tap me on the back with his fingertips. [audience laughter] And it's okay that the hug sucks, because at that moment, [audience laughter] I knew two things, for sure. One, I would never, ever have a longdistance relationship with Adam. [audience laughter] And two, I've never felt closer to my dad. Thank you.