Ava Kay Jones - The Voodoo Priestess of Football

 

You may think that the great American sport of football is all about speed and muscle, about the most valuable players and the best coaches. But I'm here to tell you tonight that there is such a thing as the spirituality of football. [audience chuckles] It may very well be that the ability to win or lose a Super Bowl may be contained right here in this little red flannel charm bag. Y'all may call it a mojo bag, but we in the Crescent City in New Orleans call it a gris-gris bag. 

 

Now, I began my meteoric rise to fame [audience chuckles] as a Voodoo priestess in the world of NFL sports. [audience laughter] On a cold December day in the year 2000, I was called upon by the New Orleans Saints to perform a miracle [audience laughter] in the Superdome. The Saints, often called Ain’ts had never won a playoff game in 34 years. And to make matters worse, they were playing the St. Louis Rams. So, they decided that they would bring in the big guns, and that would be me, Voodoo and Yoruba priestess Ava Kay Jones. [audience laughter] [audience applause] 

 

Now, the problem was compounded by the fact that the Superdome was built upon ancient cemetery. You know, it's really not cool to go plop a sports facility on top of somebody's ancestors. It's just not kosher. [audience laughter] So, many felt that that was the reason for the less than stellar record of the Saints over the years. So, somebody got the bright idea, “Well, call in Ava Kay. She'll fix it.” I love my city, I love the Saints, and I'll try anything once. So, I came to the Superdome equipped with my dance troupe, Voodoo macumba, drummers and dancers. My pet boa constrictor, esprit. Fruits and flowers for the ancestors. And a fifth of Gordon's dry gin. For the spirits, of course. [audience laughter] 

 

Now, I and my dance troupe are marching towards the 45-yard line with all of the determination of Dr. Peter Venkman and the other Ghostbusters. I have a job to do, I'm going to get the job done. So, I'm on the 45-yard line. And it's a good omen, because 4 and 5 equal what? 9. 9 is the number of my patron goddess Oya. And Oya is the goddess of the winds, the hurricanes. She's the queen of the cemetery, the marketplace, the ancestors. And she is also the goddess of change. And God knows we needed a change. So, right there on the 45-yard line, we begin the drumming and the dancing. 

 

I take out a spree. I'm dancing this dance for Damballa, the Voodoo serpent God, in honor of Marie Laveau. I'm pouring this gin right at the 45-yard line. The energy in the Superdome was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. I'm holding up the gris-gris bag, okay? God, I'm holding my gris-gris bag to 67,000 fans, and we're cheering the Voodoo amen, “Ashe, Ashe, Ashe.” And just imagine, 67,000 fans are cheering back at me, “Ashe, Ashe. Ashe.” I held the gris-gris up, my snake, the Voodoo doll, and I told the fans, “We got our mojo working.” And they all said, “Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed.” [audience laughter] 

 

I was feeling pretty good at that point. I said, “Lord, I know that the ancestors are appeased. The fans are becoming loyal again to the Saints. I've motivated them, and I know the ancestors under the dome are appeased.” But being a good Catholic girl, [audience laughter] okay, I was not going to take any chances. And furthermore, when I entered the Superdome, I had run into Father John, who was the former pastor of St. Jude's. 

 

Now, for those of you who don't know St. Jude is the saint of difficult and impossible cases. It's like, St. Jude and the saints were made for each other, okay? [chuckles] So, I rush off to St. Jude's, I stay in the church making my invocations and talking to St. Jude until they put me out the church. That didn't deter me. So, I'm outside the church in the car before St. Jude's in the freezing cold, listening to the game on the radio. On my knees, screaming at anyone who would pass, “Pray for the Saints. Pray for the saints.” [audience laughter] 

 

I'd give money to beggars, drunks, anybody who would pass, because I didn't want to block my karma, okay? [audience laughter] I mean, I really gave out more money that day. Just anybody. Some of these people I knew were lying, but I didn't want to take any chances. So, I'm listening, and the Saints are winning. They are just winning and winning. I'd run out of the car, get on my knees, pour it little gin, write for the church to thank the ancestors. The saints are ancestors, too, you know? They're just ancestors in the church. So, I give them some gin. 

 

But something happened. I think the Saints started to get a little too cocky, okay? Vanity is one of the seven deadly sins. So, I got the-- After I poured another swig of gin-- My gin bottle was getting kind of low. I saved some, because I had other work to do. [audience laughter] So, we drove over to Congo Square. And Congo Square is a very spiritual place for African-Americans. It's the only place where my ancestors could lawfully gather in great numbers. And so, the spirits of the African ancestors are strong and powerful there. So, I went over to Congo Square in the dark, got on my knees, poured another swig of gin, and I proceeded to talk to the ancestors in Congo Square. 

 

So, I'm carrying on this dialogue at my favorite tree where the ancestors congregate, telling them, “Look, this is me, Ava Kay. Y'all know me. I'm just asking you a favor. I'm just asking you to please go talk to the ancestors at the Dome and just tell them, ‘Y'all got a dialogue going out there in the spirit world.’ So, you go talk to them for me.” So, I'm on my knees in Congo Square, pouring gin, praying. And lo and behold, I hear it on the car radio for some unknown reason, but we know why, [audience laughter] this good player with the Rams fumbled the ball. And they [unintelligible 00:29:28], “He's fumbled. He's fumbled. The Saints have won the first playoff game in 34 years.” It's like, I couldn't believe it. 

 

So, I poured another swig of gin and I headed towards the Superdome. But on the way there, I stopped at the cemetery by the grave of the great Marie Laveau and poured out my-- This was truly my last swig of gin. I headed to the Superdome. And of course, people had recognized me from the earlier ritual, and they were shouting, Who? Who? Who? Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who let the dogs out? And I'm screaming like an idiot, “God, let the dogs out. St. Jude, let the dogs out. The ancestors let the dogs out.” [audience laughter] Shaking that rattle, blessing the crowds.

 

I mean, it was glorious. It was just magnificent. It was a Saturday Night Live moment right there in the dome. And I tell you, this was just the best, and this is how I became the Voodoo priestess of the NFL. In fact, I ended up in Time magazine. I was on HBO, ESPN, CNN. And I tell you what the mother load for me was, I ended up in the New York Times. [chuckles] [audience cheers and applause] 

 

And for somebody from New Orleans, it doesn't get any better than that. You know, the New York Times, all right? And so, that's my story. But as the world turns, sometimes what's on top of the world has to come down. And of course, the Saints did. [audience laughter] But that's another gris-gris story. Thank you.