Terry Wolfisch Cole - The Runaway

 

So, when I was little, my dad worked late a really lot and my mom was left to deal with two small kids. There was me and there was my sister Lisa, who was not quite two years, younger than I was. And my mom, on all these evenings, would feed us dinner and give us a bath together and put us both to bed and that was the end of that. 

 

And one day, one hot summer day when I was about five years old, I was playing with the kids next door. I found out that in other people's houses, older kids had later bedtimes. [audience laughter] And I was like, “What?” So, I go home to my mother with my newfound information and I advocate for policy change. [audience laughter] And I am denied. 

 

And this is it, I've had it. This big sister thing is not what it's cracked up to be. Every time we both do something together that we're not supposed to do, I get in more trouble. Everybody's always paying attention to her. She's little, she's cute, she's got that eye patch thing going on. [audience laughter] And I'm done. We have to go to bed at the same time. I've had it. So, I go to my room, and from my closet, I take my white vinyl Partridge Family sleepover suitcase, and I put it on the bed and I start to pack. 

 

Now, I'm an early reader, so into the suitcase goes Nancy Drew and Amelia Bedelia and some Barbies. By the time I'm done, there is no room left for clothes. But I'm leaving forever and I'm running away, so I know I'm going to need a wardrobe. I put on a pair of pants, two pair of underwear first, because you got to have a change. A pair of pants, a pair of shorts, a T-shirt, a hoodie, a raincoat. And over it all, a crocheted poncho with fringes. [audience laughter] 

 

I go down the stairs where my mother is in the kitchen, and she looks up and she asks if I'm running away, and I tell her yes. [audience laughter] She is not nearly as upset by this as I feel she should be. She looks at me and she goes, “Are you going to Grandma Sylvia's?” which is the only other place I know how to be, because it's not even a mile away, but I can't believe she can figure this out. She's like some kind of witch. [audience laughter] I don't answer her, and I leave, and I go out the front door and down the driveway. 

 

Now, remember, it's the 1970s and they have not yet invented suitcases with wheels, and mine is full of books. [audience laughter] So, with every step, I'm dragging my suitcase and I go down the driveway, left on Redwood, left on Clearfield, left on Red Oak. And with every step, I am sweating and dragging and sweating and dragging. I am so intent on my mission that I don't realize my mother is 20 yards behind [audience laughter] in her Plymouth fury [audience laughter] following and waving concerned citizens on their way. [audience laughter] 

 

And finally, it's the left on Old Lyme, and I get to number 73, grandma's apartment building. I go up the stairs to the building. Before I even knock, the door opens, and my grandma tells me she's very happy to see me, but I'm certainly not living there forever. I realize my mother has called ahead and I have been betrayed. [audience laughter] 

 

So, I'm in the living room. My grandma, she's like, “Do you want a drink as long as you're here?” So, she goes to get me some juice. I'm in the living room, and I'm taking off my layers and my mother comes sweeping in. She sits down in my grandfather's wingback chair and she pats her lap, she goes, “Come here.” I don't want to go, because I am righteously pissed. But I'm hot and I'm five and I get-- [audience laughter] And I get on my mother's lap. She pushes my hair back behind my ear and she says, “Sweetheart, what is it? Why have you left? Why have you run away?” It all comes tumbling out, “It's not fair and all the time. And Lisa, I get into trouble and she doesn't. We should not have the same bedtime.” [audience laughter] 

 

And my mother, who has always known me better than I've known myself, takes my hot, red little face in her hands and she says to me, “Sweetheart, I don't want you to be so miserable.” She says, “You came first. If it's that hard for you living with Lisa in the house, tomorrow morning, I will call the orphanage and we will send her away.” [audience laughter] I said, “Okay.” I know what orphans are. I read. I know what the orphanage is. I start to cry and I beg her, “Don't send my sister away. No, no, no.” My mother reluctantly agrees that we'll all go home and we'll give it another try. [audience laughter] [audience applause] 

 

And that night, my mother feeds us scrambled eggs and SpaghettiOs for dinner, and she gives us a bath and she puts us to bed at the same time, as she will for many years to come. [audience laughter] And in those years to come, Lisa and I will grow to be two halves of the same whole. We will be there through adventures, and concerts, and boyfriends, and divorces, and death and everything. But every once in a while, we'll have a fight. And if that happens to this day, and I turn over my shoulder and I say, “Mom, Lisa's being mean to me.” My mother always answers in the same way, and she says, “You had your chance.” [audience laughter] Thank you.