Vikki Kelleher - Tell Him It’s Time To Go

 

Hi. How's everybody doing? [chuckles] Where are you all from? [audience chuckle] Okay, that's the beginning. So, my story tonight is an upbeat tale about the night my dad died. Hold on, it's going to be so funny. It's not. [audience laughter] [chuckles] So what happened was I got a call from my sister. I live in LA and I'm from Minnesota. And I got a call that my dad had taken a turn for the worse and I needed to get home right away. So, I wasn't really ready for that. I didn't know there was a worse turn. I wasn't ready.

 

So, I get on the plane and I don't remember the plane ride so much, but I remember when I got off, there was a guy in one of those beepee cart things with a sign with my name on it. And I thought, “Oh, no, that can't be good news.” I was so freaked out, I thought maybe he'd already died. But all of my energy went into, “Do I tip this guy? Does he get tips?” [audience laughter] I don't know. I've never had a beepee cart guy take me to the luggage area. So, the whole ride I'm just like, I don't know, do I have any cash? I don't know-- is he making his living? Is he getting minimum wage? I was very concerned about his lifestyle. [audience laughter] And so, I don't honestly remember if I tipped him.

 

I remember getting to the hospital and finding out that my dad had actually already slipped into a coma. And I had missed all the dramatic goodbyes because they knew he was not going to make it past that. So that was upsetting. But he was in a coma for a while. And you learn a lot about people's families when you're in a coma-- when somebody else is in a coma. When you're in a coma, you don't learn anything, [audience laughter] but when somebody else is in one, you learn a lot. [laughs]

 

And it was that weird place where everybody is connected by this thing, but you're not, because it's killing you. And so, after like two weeks, I brought up the idea that maybe we should pull the plug, as it were. And I don't know where that saying comes from, because nobody pulls a plug. There's no plug pulling. Everybody's plugged in. But it was time everybody knew, so we decided to do it and about I thought it would happen like on Days of Our Lives or like, I thought you would pull the plug and there'd be a lot of crying for 10 to 15 minutes. And then at that point, the person would pass, and you would be sad, but it would be over.

 

No, oddly, things don't happen like they do on TV. I don't know if you knew that. [laughter] And so instead, we were waiting for four hours, and then five hours, and then people had to go to the bathroom [chuckles]. He had to like scream because it's crazy. And right in the middle of that, they wheeled in another woman into our room, a woman who had just had heart surgery. And I remember thinking, “Well, that's not a good idea. My dad is dying. What are you doing bringing in a woman who's had heart surgery? That doesn't make any sense at all. It's bad management.”

 

And she was under-- she had taken a bunch of drugs, and so she was saying crazy things. And she's 80 and naked and kicking her covers off, so you get the visual. [audience laughter] So, I'm on this side of the room with a curtain, which is very soundproof, and I'm sitting with my dad, and we're saying, you know, “I love you, dad. I'm really going to miss you, Dad. I love you so much.” And from the other side, we hear “Cinnamon.” [audience laughter] “Okay. I love you so much. You were such a great dad to me.” “Cinnamon.” “I'm really-- you're a wonderful.” “Cinnamon.” And finally, I mean, you can't help but laugh because your life is exploding in front of your eyes and it's like that moment where you're crying and laughing, and my husband says, “30 ccs of cinnamon stats.” [laughter] And it killed me and we all laughed so hard. And it was like this crazy moment. [audience laughter]

 

And like, four hours later, the nurse says, it's probably time. His heart rate is lowering, and they know the secret codes. And so, we're holding his hand, and they say, maybe if you tell him, it's okay to go, he'll leave. And so, we're all saying, like, “Daddy, it's okay, and we love you, and you're so good, and it's okay. I'll be okay.” And my mom says, “John, you're such a great dad, and I love you, and it's okay. I'll take care of the girls.” And from across the room, we hear, “Don't go, John.” [audience laughter]

 

Yeah. And I remember thinking-- I remember in that moment thinking that's what I felt. That was what was inside me, I think maybe I gave that woman my words because I was like, “Don't go, John. It's okay. Don't go.” But he did. And I remember I had my hand on his chest and his heart stopped. It just stopped. I didn't know that could happen. And later we found out Cinnamon Lady. [chuckles] That's what I call her, “Cinnamon Lady” knew nobody named John. And I thought, wow, that's crazy, but she was a baker, so we understand that part. [audience laughter] Thank you.