Molly Kendall - Strip House

 

About 12 years ago, I moved to New York City. And to this day, I do not know why I did that. [audience laughter] But it was an adventure. And to support my adventure, I had to work two, three, however many jobs, running here to there, trying to find my feet on this pulsing, frenetic city. Within the beginning of the time that I was here, I met this man named John. Being a product of someone who was born and raised here, he had a very calm spirit within this craziness that I felt. So, he and I started to see each other. One winter night, he invited me over. Of course, I'm going to go. 

 

And so, I opened my closet of really tired old looking clothes, and I think with this blast of courage and insanity, screw it, I'm not going to wear any of these. I'm just going to wear my snow boots. It's the middle of winter. My snow boots. I grabbed my Old Navy all weather camel colored trench coat. [audience laughter] I threw that on and--- [audience laughter] yes, every man's dream. I jumped on the M14D bus [audience laughter] and it was empty. I realized looking at this empty bus full of empty seats, I cannot sit down. The coat isn't long enough. I'm just going to hold this pole and hope that this trip goes really quickly. 

 

So, I get to his house, and he buzzes me up, and I go up and I'm thinking like on the bus I had lost all of my courage and [audience laughter] I thought like, what am I doing? What am I doing? I am not this kind of person. [audience laughter] Whatever that means, this is not who I am. I get to his apartment, and I open his door and he's fully clothed, winter jacket on, and he's lacing up his boots and he's like, “You know what? I'm so hungry. Let's go out to dinner.” [audience laughter] And I said, “No, I'm not hungry.” And he said, “Okay, just pizza.” And I was like, “I hate pizza. No.” And he said, “Sushi.” And I was like, “Nope, I don't--" I just couldn't tell him what I had done, because I didn't know what I had done. [audience laughter] 

 

He's like, “All right, you know what? Bruno.” This bartender at the steakhouse where we often went to, he's like, “Bruno's at the bar at Strip House. We're just going to go there. Don't worry about it. We're going to have lamb chops.” He knew the secret to my heart was lamb chops and he said, “Let's go there.” And I thought, oh, my God, every time I say no, it gets worse. Like, pizza to sushi to steak. Like, now it's going to be forever and I'm naked. [audience laughter] “Okay, let's go. Let's just go.” 

 

And so, we go to Strip House, and, like, it's middle of winter, so the beautiful, lovely, sweet coat check lady is like, “Oh, can I take your coat?” And I was like, “No.” [audience laughter] Okay. So, we go. Bruno sees us at the bar and he's like, “Oh, John. Molly. Hey, come on, sit down here. I have your places for you. Molly, take off that stupid coat. It looks like you're ready to run away.” And I was like, “Oh, my God, if you only knew.” [audience laughter] I thought before sitting, like, this is my chance. This is my chance. I'm just going to tell him and we're going to go. Like, I have to get this over with. But I couldn't because I was just too embarrassed. Like, what have I done? And so, we sat down.

 

Bruno said, “What would you like to drink?” And I was like, “What would get me drunk the fastest?” So, I have the courage to tell him, and I said, “A martini.” Boom. He makes a martini. It's down, gone. And then, he's like, “Wow, okay. Would you like something else?” “Yeah, just another martini. Another martini. I need to think. I need to think.” [audience laughter] He makes the martini and the haze of somewhere else. I hear John ordering three or four courses of something or something. There's a seafood tower involved and [audience laughter] lamb chops and truffled creamed spinach and amazingness. But I was just trying to think like, “How do I get out of this? How do I tell him?” I can't get my courage back. The courage that told me like, “Just go naked.” Like, that courage was gone. [audience laughter] 

 

And so, Bruno's like, “No, seriously, take off your jacket.” And I was like, “You know what? I caught a chill outside. It's cool. I'm fine.” And then, to help me, Bruno decided to turn up the heat in the bar. “Oh, my God, no. Seriously?” Okay. So, he turned up the heat of the bar. I'm sitting at the bar, there's sweat dripping down my face, down into my Old Navy camel colored all weather trench coat. I just didn't know what to do. And the lamb chops come out and I want the lamb chops. I still don't have the courage to say it. And finally, John's like, “Do you want to start with steak or lamb? And I was like, “You're talking about steak. And I'm naked. I'm naked. The polyester is now sticking to my body. [audience laughter] We have to get out of here because I'm naked.” [audience laughter] 

 

He looked at me and, he was like “We had to wrap it up.” [audience laughter] Okay, I know I'm over time, but I have to tell you guys that was 11, 12 years ago, whatever. Present day, we now have a three-and-a-half-year-old daughter. I look at her, and she's like this demon, from the moment that she was born, she's this [audience laughter] tornado in a tiny little thing. I look at her and I think like, “How do I help mold you into the person you're supposed to be?” I realized that when I was seen like I am not this person that we don't have control over who we are and what we're supposed to be. And least of all, we don't have control over our kids, but we can be more than we ever imagined. Thanks.