Jason Schommer - Starstruck in Produce

 

Standing in a sea of organic produce consisting of pineapples, cucumbers and strawberries, I saw her standing in a wide brimmed hat, a cardigan that was tan and white over a summery outfit and flat shoes. Our eyes met. We smiled. I knew and she knew that I knew. 

 

Now, the fact that I'm at Ralphs Grocery in North Hollywood is surreal at best. A week earlier, I had been offered a job to work behind the scenes on a TV show. So, I quit my job, threw everything I owned into a storage unit and drove cross country. Once there, after working a few days, I was notified that there was going to be some production changes and it wasn't going to work out. Scheduling issues. Yeah. No grand, you're fired, no scandalous story. Nothing. Just scheduling issues. 

 

So, I had come to Ralphs Grocery to emotionally eat. [audience laughter] And the moment I saw her, I was immediately whisked away to a snowy mountaintop. It was Carnie Wilson from Wilson Phillips. [audience laughter] Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Carnie freaking Wilson? Now, if you don't know who Carnie Wilson is, let me tell you, she is one third of the power trio Wilson Phillips, [audience laughter] who in 1990 gave the world the number one anthem for anyone, for anyone who was teetering and on the brink of giving up to just hold on. [audience laughter] 

 

Now, I love pop culture. I'm a pop culture fanatic. So, I immediately recognizing the magnitude of this, knew I needed to follow Carnie Wilson. [audience laughter] So, I did. And it was awkward. She got pork chops. I bought pork chops. I'm a vegetarian. [audience laughter] She bought flowers. I bought flowers. I'm allergic. She was in feminine hygiene products. I'm a boy. [audience laughter] So, I ducked around the aisle to text my friend, Jen, to let her know of this moment. 

 

Now, Jen is a massive Wilson Phillips fan. She actually was in negotiations with their management to have them perform at her graduation. I sent her a text, “Oh, my God. I’m at Ralphs Grocery in North Hollywood, and I just saw Carnie Wilson.” [audience laughter] And that's when Carnie Wilson walked right past me and mouthed, “Hello.” She didn't say it. She just mouthed. [audience laughter] Now, if you are a famous singer or an actor and you talk in public, people recognize your voice. She couldn't say hello, she just had to mouth it. [audience laughter] Because then five people aisles over would have come running over screaming, “Sing, sing, sing.” And she would've been like, “No, I'm just here to buy yogurt.” [audience laughter] 

 

“Sing.” And she would have felt pressured, and she just would want to go home. She's not even wearing makeup. They would have been demanding it. And so, then she would have started singing an acapella version of her number one hit, Hold on. And then, people would have cracked out their phones to record it and put it on YouTube in hopes of it going viral. And then, people would have started screaming and losing their minds. And then, TMZ would have shown up and it would have been a debacle. Don't ask me how I know these things. I just do. [audience laughter] So, she mouthed. 

 

After following her around the store and acquiring a cart of stuff I don't want or need, they came to checked out. She was two aisles over, and I watched them scan every item out of her cart. I was trying to time it perfectly, so we could have a moment, her and I, as we left the store. But I had the slowest cashier in the world. She had the fastest. [audience laughter] She walked past the end of my aisle, she turned around, looked at me and said, “Goodbye.” [audience laughter] I died. It was just like their song, Hold on. Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye. [audience laughter] I, Jason Schommer, from Little Falls, Minnesota, made Carnie Wilson turn around and say goodbye. [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause] 

 

She got into the elevator to go down to the parking garage. As the doors started to close, I thought, do it. Just reach out and yell, “Hold on.” [audience laughter] But I didn't. I'm respectful. [audience laughter] So, here we are, chasing our dreams, doing what we want to do. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. We'll go through horrible things in life. We'll fall in love, we'll get divorced. We'll have successes and failures. We'll fall flat on our face. Sometimes we'll pick ourselves up, sometimes we won't. 

 

Sometimes what unites us all is the fact that we just find that little kernel of hope. Sometimes we find it in a prayer or a mantra or a text from a loved one, just that one little thing that we cling onto. And sometimes it's seeing a celebrity in a grocery store that sang one of your favorite songs in three-part harmony, [audience laughter] that gives you the hope to hold on for one more day, [audience laughter] because things will go your way. Thank you.