Moses Storm - Pays to be Poor 

 

 

When I was 13 years old, the family business was yard sales. And two questions come up with this, is how does a family of five live off yard sales alone? And the answer is, we didn't. We were very poor. And two, how do you have a yard sale every week? Eventually, you would run out of stuff, right? It's like simple supply and demand. Well, what we would do is we would go to rich neighborhoods, and when they would throw out stuff that was basically garbage, we would fix it up a little bit, clean it up and then sell it back to them. [audience laughter] Yeah, like a modern-day Robin Hood, if Robin Hood had no trouble going through people's garbage. 

 

So, one day, we're in Bluewater Bay, Florida, and we come across this, a particularly good pile of junk. I know it's a good pile, because my mom always had a saying. Every time you come across a good pile, she'd look at me and be like, “Sometimes it pays to be poor.” [audience laughter] And you're right. That doesn't make any sense. But the sentiment behind it was that, you know, we had scored big. 

 

So, we're at this pile, and this girl comes out that lives in the house and she's like, “Oh, I got more stuff to give you, guys.” She finally sets this stuff down, and it's honestly the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen. Her name is Caitlin, and she's 17. I'm shaking as I'm thinking about it right now. [audience laughter] She's honestly that beautiful that just your whole body vibrates, and you feel amazing and you feel like you want to throw up. She's the beautiful that makes you want to do just stupid things. 

 

So, I immediately retreat back to our van, and I'm hiding in the van, because I don't want my future wife to see me like this, because you never hear that story at a wedding, like, “Oh, how'd you two meet?” [audience laughter] “Oh, he was going through my garbage.” [audience laughter] No. So, a couple minutes go by, and my mom comes back with all this stuff in her hand, she's like, “I got to load all this stuff up. Go back and get her number.” “What?” She's like, “You got to get her number. When her parents get home, she's going to give us more stuff.” 

 

So, that's the first time I got a very beautiful girl's phone number under the worst circumstances. I eventually developed this relationship with Caitlin. She would call us and check in with us, make sure were doing okay. I would look for any excuse to talk to her. So, when she asked us if we could be her senior project that year, [audience laughter] she was the kind of beautiful that made you do stupid things. So, of course, I said yes to this. And to celebrate, we went over to her house, it was her family, and we were going to celebrate this and they were going to cook us a dinner. 

 

I go over to her house, and it's like nothing I've ever seen. She got this huge house. It looks like a different planet that had been decorated by Bed Bath & Beyond. [audience laughter] And of course, the other rich family's just looking at us like we're animals in people clothes as we're eating. [audience laughter] I'm like, “What's the little fork for? Little food?” [audience laughter] But me and Caitlin actually hit it off at the dinner. We have some inside jokes already about panda bears. I'd tell you, guys, but you wouldn't understand. 

 

So, after the dinner, we all take a photo together with all the gifts that she's given us. This is like part of her senior project she took us on for the holiday. So, we all take a photo with her. And a couple days go by, we're talking on the phone. I said, “Hey, you should send me that photo.” And she's like, “Oh, wait a couple weeks. I got a surprise.” And I'm like, “Oh, cool.” I know what this is about. She's probably going to frame the photo in a heart frame or something, or panda bear. Girls are stupid. 

 

I get the photo in the mail, and it's attached to a paper. To be more specific, it's attached to the paper. And to be even more specific, it's on the front page of the paper, our local paper, with a large headline over it that says, “Local poor family gets saved by high schooler.” Surprise. It's impossible to look cool in front of this girl. After that, she invites us to her homecoming game. She invites me to the homecoming game, and of course, I say yes to this. I'm like, “Sweet.” 

 

She invites us to the game, and she's like, “Yeah, we'll tape off some seats for you and your family.” And I'm like, “Oh, no, we don't get to bring them. You pretty much got what they're all about from the dinner and stuff. they might feel weird, because we have this connection, Pandas.” [audience laughter] 

 

So, we go to the homecoming game, and we're being recognized left and right. People are like, “Hey, it's local poor family.” You know, like the worst-case scenario. I'm hiding my face as much as possible. I'm telling my siblings like, “Let's just break it up. At least not stand in the same order we were standing in the photo. [audience laughter] Let's get a little separation.” 

 

Caitlyn comes up. She's in a letterman's jacket, and of course, she looks amazing and she's like, “I got a surprise for you, guys.” And I'm like, “Oh, these are never good.” [audience laughter] And she's like, “I got us a great spot for the parade.” I'm like, “All right, whatever.” There's a homecoming parade. The parade, it's like the marching band, the football team and king and the queen, the guard on the track. So, we got to the track, and we have a very great spot. We're right by the band. I'm actually joking to my sister, I'm like, “We have such a good spot. People are going to think we're in the parade.” It's at that point that I'm handed a banner. [audience laughter] Yeah, we're in the parade. Just then, [mimics trumpet] The parade starts. 

 

And if you were there that night of the homecoming game, you could have seen an entire football team, an entire marching band, a king and a queen being led around the track by a very reluctant local poor family. [audience laughter] I get off the track, and I'm embarrassed. That is like so real inside, like, I'm just walking off the second I'm alone, I just know I'm going to cry, I just know it. I've never felt worse. I'm walking out and Caitlin walks us out at the end of the night, and she thanks us for coming out and she tells me that it meant a lot that we came out and we helped her out with this project. She gives me a little kiss on the cheek. 

 

I don't know what it was, but like everything-- She was just so beautiful and everything melted away. All that embarrassment was just gone, because the most beautiful girl in the world kissed me on the cheek. I got to half base. [audience laughter] It didn't even matter that she immediately got into her boyfriend's Mustang. I just remember driving back in the van and I was so pleased. I just remember thinking, man, sometimes it pays to be poor. Thank you, guys.