Joey Garfield - Oh Brother

 

So, when I was about five or six years old, I was upstairs in my room, beautiful summer day, minding my own business, when I hear some shouting from the backyard. Like a lot of voices. And they’re going, “Joey, come outside, there’s hot dog gum in the middle of a Twister board.” [audience laughter] I was like, “What?” Like, “Joey, come outside, there’s hot dog gum in the middle of a Twister board.” So, I walk up to the window, open it and I’m like, “What?” I see my older brothers and their friends sitting around a Twister board. And they’re like, “Joey, come on downstairs, there’s a hot dog gum in the middle of a Twister board.” [audience laughter] 

 

So, I assume most of you guys know what a Twister board is. It’s that sheet with the polka dots and you play Twister on it. And hot dog gum is that individually wrapped little nickel candy that looks like a hot dog, but tastes like gum. [audience laughter] Not the opposite. You got to realize, to a five or six-year-olds, hot dog gum is very exciting. [audience laughter] But what’s more exciting, is that my older brothers wanted me to play with them.

 

These are like the neighborhood kids, the older brothers. These are real kids who can skateboard [audience laughter] and pop a wheelie on a ten-speed. These are real kids. like, “I’ve got matches, let’s blow something up,” real kids. [audience laughter] And they wanted me, because there was a hot dog gum in the middle of a Twister board. [audience laughter] So, I ran downstairs, and I knocked open the screen door and there they are surrounding the board. There is this hot dog gum, [audience laughter] right in the middle of the Twister board and none of them are going for it.

 

So, I step out on the Twister board and I go for the gum. They all stand up and I fall in a pit. [audience aww] Like the grass line up to my eyes. They had dug a pit under this Twister board. [audience laughter] Now, the biblical irony of being named Joseph [audience laughter] and having your brothers drop you into a pit, now that was not lost on my five, six-year-old self. [audience laughter] So, I made sure that I found that little hot dog gum and had that in my mouth before I let them pull me up out of the pit. [audience cheers and applause] 

 

So, they lift me out and they're all cracking up and cracking wise and, giving each other five and patting me on the back. I went back upstairs and chewed my hot dog gum in my room. I'll say this, a hot dog gum, the flavor lasts about three minutes tops. [audience laughter] But the flavor of betrayal [audience laughter] from your older brothers, that's a taste that lasts. [audience laughter] Thank you.