Gabby Shea - Mac and Cheese

 

All right. In my teens, you couldn’t tell me anything. I swore that I was a chef extraordinaire. Granted, I was cooking for myself and my brother, but up here, my cooking was the bomb. My specialty of choice was baked macaroni and cheese. Now, bear with me, as I share this recipe. Step one, pull a box of mac and cheese out of the cabinet. [audience laughter] Step two, cook according to package directions. [audience laughter] Step three, place said mac and cheese in a baking dish and top with an even layer of cornflakes. Now, I’m going to give you all a moment to clutch your pearls, because I now realize that is blasphemy. [audience laughter] And step four, bake until cornflake topping is golden brown. Now, my Black card should have been revoked for that, [audience laughter] okay?

 

In high school, I hung out with friends all the time. I went to one friend’s house one afternoon, and her mom had just finished making dinner. She asked me if I wanted some baked mac and cheese. Now, as a lover of food, I was not going to turn her down. Plus, I wanted to see if her version matched up to mine. So, as she plated, I decided to share my recipe. I’m going through it. 

 

I’m a little cocky, a little overly confident, so I can’t understand why they’re looking at me like I’m crazy. So, before I get through it, she shoves a forkful in my mouth. When I tell you those flavors exploded, I thought to myself, is this real cheese? [audience laughter] Cheddar? Mozzarella? It was so creamy and so smooth. It was truly a life-changing experience. So, my friend’s mom felt pity for me, took me under her wing and that day taught me how to make real baked macaroni and cheese. 

 

Fast forward a few years, and I met this guy. Frank and I dated for a while. It got serious, and he decided that he was going to introduce me to his family. I had already met his mom and his sister, but there were four other siblings, their significant others and about 15+ nieces and nephews. This was a big deal. I was meeting the entire family, and I had to make a good impression. 

 

Now, I am Caribbean. When we are invited to someone’s home, we cook. We do not do store-bought. It is a cultural thing. Cooking is a sign of love. It is a sign of respect. It is like I am giving a piece of myself to those that I am feeding. So, it is really important to me. And of course, I decided that I was going to make my new and improved baked macaroni and cheese. Plus, Frank was Irish, so I wanted to show his white folk how Black people throw down in the kitchen. [audience laughter] 

 

Now, on Thanksgiving, sides are a very, very important part of the meal, probably the most important part of the meal. Sometimes more than the turkey. Mac and cheese is up there with mashed potatoes, collard greens and candied yams. So, if you are going to do it, you have to bring it. And I knew I could bring it. So, we got to Frank’s sister’s house. The introductions started. Things were going great. He took my dish and placed it right by the turkey. People started to eat, and Frank goes right for my mac and cheese.

 

So, I was watching him across the room, and he was eating, but he did not look like he was enjoying it. I was a bit confused, kind of offended. [audience laughter] He comes over, and before I can even get the question out, he shoves a forkful in my mouth. I start to chew, I start to gag, I feel like I am about to throw up, but I manage to swallow. And in that moment, I realize, holy crap, I used sweetened condensed milk instead of evaporated milk, [audience holler] which is what the recipe called for. Lesson of the day, always taste your food before you serve it, something that I did not do. 

 

So, I am mortified. Straight-up panic mode. He sees the look on my face and says, “Babe, I got you.” He went and performed some covert black ops extraction mission and got that mac and cheese off the table without anyone knowing. I was between relief and total embarrassment. Now, I know that they liked me after meeting me, but I guarantee you, if they had tasted my bangin’ mac and cheese, they would have loved me. Lucky for me, Frank did not throw in the towel. He invited me to Christmas dinner, and I knew I had to redeem myself. [audience laughter] So, what did I do? I made another batch of baked mac and cheese. But this time, I tasted it to ensure that I used the correct ingredients. 

 

We get to his sister's house, another sister, and everyone goes for the mac and cheese. They are loving it, which I knew they would. One person even says, “Dang, I can't believe I missed this on Thanksgiving Day.” [audience laughter] I give Frank this knowing look, because we got this little secret. Frank and I end up getting married, right? [audience cheers and applause] 

 

He's who I had those three girls with. And 20 years later, my baked mac and cheese is still the most sought-after dish on the family dinner table. Thank you.