Charles Fatone - Just One Drink 

 

 

It was 1975. I was sitting in my living room on my sofa with my Afghan Hound, Ria Leona, sitting next to me. I was thinking it had been a year since I ended a five-and-a-half-year live-in relationship with Reno, who was 10 years my junior. He had decided that he needed more space and a lot more partners. So, that afternoon, I took a walk across town to Waverly Place to my friend Bart. We'd been buddies since we were 19. 

 

And over drinks, he said, "So, are you seeing anyone?" And I said, "No." He said, "Listen, a year is a long time to mourn." And I said, "I'm not in mourning. What makes you think I'm in mourning? I'm 40. I don't have the energy to tell the story of my life again, not after Reno. I want someone my own age." He said, "Why don't you go out for a beer?" I said, "I haven't been to a gay bar in six years. I don't even know where they are." He said, "Why don't you try Ty's on Christopher Street?" I said, "Ty's is a meat rack." He said, "Well, you're not going to get married. You're just going for a beer." [audience laughter] 

 

Well, the logic of that appealed to me. So, that night at 11 o’clock, I walked into Ty's. It was packed wall to wall. It was October 25th, and it looked as if they were all in dress rehearsal for Halloween. [audience laughter] Leather, jeans, multicolored kerchiefs advertising God knows what. The smell of cologne, sweat, smiles, beer, whiskey. The place smelled of desire. 

 

I looked directly across the room and I saw a space of white wall, and next to it was standing a young, slender blond guy. In this crowd, he looked like a dish of vanilla ice cream. [audience laughter] So, I took my beer and I walked over to him. We're standing side by side and I say to myself, what the hell am I going to say to him? There are four guys nearby who are in intense conversation, intense. And suddenly, one of them drops to the floor like a sack of potatoes. I looked down and I said, "Is that drugs, or is that liquor?" And he said, "It's probably a combination of both." And so, we were talking. [audience laughter] 

 

We started talking about how many stimulants were being taken by everybody in that place. The guys picked their friend up and took him away. I noticed that his beer was empty, and I said to him, "Can I get you another beer?" He said, "No, thanks." I thought, oh, shit. He said, "I don't need another beer. I've already decided. Let's go." [audience laughter] Kill surprise. 

 

So, we walked across Washington Square Park. It was midnight, autumn in New York, to my apartment, where we exchanged desires. The next morning, we had breakfast, coffee, and toast. I also learned that his name was Terry, and that he had a degree in music and he was planning on becoming an opera singer. But in the meantime, he was a full-time nurse's aide during the evenings at midnight at St. Clare's Hospital. 

 

And what he did was they drag in the skells, which are derelicts from the street that were covered with shit and piss, and hand them over to him to hose down and clean. To me, that was like Mother Teresa, except without the blue and white sari. I also learned that he was 13 years younger than me, and I thought to myself, “No way. No way in hell.” I wanted someone my own age. So, any sense of possibility that there'd be anything serious between us was completely off the table. But it didn't preclude having an affair. So, we started to see each other, for dinner, theater, and stuff. 

 

About six months later, one night we were finishing dinner at my place. I had cooked. It was about 10:00. He goes to work at 11:00. I look at my watch and I say to myself, "This is going to have to be a quickie." But we continued talking, and I thought to myself, “Oh, what the hell, let it go.” At 11 o’clock, I pointed to the clock and I said, "You got to go to work." He said, "I'm off tonight. Surprise!" Great. He said, "Incidentally, my sublet is coming due and I'm going to have to move." And I said, "No, don't worry about that. I'll help you find someplace." And he said, "Or, I could move in here with you." 

 

I said, "You know, there are no doors on any of these rooms except on the toilet. This apartment is not designed for roommates." He said, "I know." I said, "You know, I can be very difficult to live with." He said, "That's okay." I said, "Listen, as long as you have to move, you can move in temporarily. And while we're looking for something for you, we'll see how it works out." 37 years later, we married in City Hall. [audience cheers and applause] 

 

Because we were able to. We went to Ferrara's on Grand Street, and we had Sicilian cheesecake and champagne and brandy. As we were walking along the street in the sun, we saw these two old, old guys who had to be at least 90. They were clutching onto each other and creeping along the street. Terry pointed to them and he said, "Look, that's us in 20 years." I said, "May we live that long." Thank you.