Colin Ryan - Juggling and Jesus

 

Do you remember the first moment that the approval of your peers mattered more than the approval of your parents? I know that it hadn't happened yet when I was in fifth grade. Because as fifth graders, we were the undisputed kings of Francis Stevens Elementary School, and there was no questioning our choices. You could have told me, "Colin, it's not cool to wear the same pair of sweatpants every single day of school." But I was comfortable. [audience chuckles] And you could have told me, "Colin, it's not cool to go to the school dance, and do the Macarena for the entire duration of Guns N' Roses' November Rain." [audience laughter] I would not have stopped. You could have told me, "Colin, it's not cool to be an active member of your local church's clown troupe." [audience chuckles] All right, I knew that one wasn't cool.

 

Fifth grade was the last year I can remember believing that the world needed more of two things. Juggling and Jesus. Yeah, you can laugh. That's the most fun way to describe being raised fundamentalist. I'm better now. [audience chuckles] It's fine. Thank you. 

 

And then, I went to sixth grade, I went to middle school, and all of a sudden, to survive, it was clear there were only two options. I could somehow be cool, or I could somehow be invisible. And I got to say, I was doing pretty well at option two until third period on the first day of school, when a teacher had us fill out a questionnaire with a series of get to know you questions. I assumed that she would be reading them privately, so I felt safe to share from the perspective of a sweatpants wearing, Macarena dancing, Christian clowning, little snowflake that I was. [audience chuckles] 

 

[chuckles] The teacher collected the sheets, shuffled them up, and then redistributed them to the class, [audience chuckles] where we went one by one and read the student's name, and then we would read our three favorite answers that they gave. My sheet ended up in the hands of a kid. I don't remember his name, but he was one of the coolest and meanest kids I'd ever met. And by coincidence, his three favorite answers were the three worst possible questions I could have had read out loud in front of my peers.

 

The first question was, “What is your favorite movie?” And the other kids had said, Scream, Universal Soldier. And I remember thinking, we're 11. How are you seeing R rated movies? [audience chuckles] My answer was Beauty and the Beast, [audience laughter] which I maintain has held up better than those other two movies, but I could not make that argument effectively at that time. And this laugh erupted from the room, and I felt my cheeks burn, because I knew we were just getting started. [audience chuckles] 

 

The next question he chose to read was, “Where would you like to travel?” And the other kids had said, “Australia, Japan, Paris.” And I said, "Wherever a book takes me." [audience laughter] [chuckles] I can hear in some of you a maternal instinct kick in [audience chuckles] and I could have used you on that day, because the laughter this time had an explosive quality to it. The kids were high fiving in front of my face. [audience chuckles] 

 

The final question this kid chose to read was, “What do you like to do on the weekends?” The other kids that said “Hang out with friends, go to the mall”, where I'm assuming they were sneaking into R rated movies. My answer was, "Performing with Clowns for Christ." [audience laughter] Love to pull that one back, if I could. Those who weren't laughing at me were staring at me in disgust at this point. Yeah, those are two very intense things together. I agree, that's a lot to process.

 

I remember that I felt about an inch tall. I remember staring at my Trapper Keeper, [audience chuckles] and trying to figure out if I could somehow disappear inside of it. I wanted to stand up and yell out, "I get it. I'm going to quit clowns. [chuckles] I'm going to watch R-rated movies. I'm going to do whatever it takes to be invisible." But right then, something amazing happened. A voice from the back of the room said, "Guys, cut it out," and the room went silent. The voice belonged to Michelle Seiver. And Michelle Seiver was popular and cool. Michelle Seiver had sway. And the room was quiet. 

 

But Michelle wasn't done. She turned to the teacher and said, "Why are you letting this happen? What is the point of this if we're just going to make fun of each other?" And to this day, I don't remember the teacher, the class, the names of any of the kids in that class, but I remember Michelle Siever's first and last name. I remember how it felt when she spoke up for me, because on that day, she showed me that we actually have three options. You can be cool, you might be remembered for a little while, you can be invisible and you won't be remembered at all. But if you stand up for somebody when they need you most, then you will be remembered as their hero for the rest of their life. Thank you.