Shannon Cason - It's Like Borrowing

 

When I was young, I loved playing fun and games. We would flip quarters at the lunch table in high school in Detroit or pitch them off the wall. Whoever got closest won. When I went to college at Michigan State University, [cheers and applause] we would shoot craps in one of my friend’s dorm rooms. [audience laughter] Be a bunch of us guys, most of us from Detroit, all in that little room talking stuff, smoking, drinking, bringing the hood to Michigan State University. [audience laughter] He had this little portable pool table that was perfect for shooting craps. Guys had to have a style to their dice roll. It was like a signature, guys listening to them, blowing on them, doing a little dance or whatever. Me, I'm always simple and understated. Just click, clack, roll, snap. I loved it. I was a decent student. Loved basketball and hip hop.

 

Gambling was my little secret. I remember once over summer vacation, I lost all my summer job money going to the Windsor Casino. Because you could go under 21, I'd be 19 years old at the blackjack table with these grandparents. [audience laughter] When my mom asked what happened to all my money that summer, I lied and told her I spent it hanging out with my friends. I felt bad for losing my money and I felt worse for lying to my mama. I'm a mama's boy. Lying to my mom, you know, that's not fun. Then I started gambling all the time. This is especially when Detroit built all those casinos, all these beautiful casinos with bright lights smack dab in the middle of Detroit. Detroit was sure to become a top tourist city of the Midwest. [audience laughter] It was the Vegas of the Midwest. Not quite, huh?

 

So, I graduated from college and I'm working at a bank. It's one of these grocery store banks in Farmer Jack, I manage it. And as a manager, the dress code was you had to wear a suit and tie. The tellers wore polo shirts. I love wearing the suit and tie. Professional, I'm a professional. By that time, gambling had my checking account overdrawn. I was living with my sister. I was eating ramen noodles on a regular basis. When I didn't have money, I had to comp. So, I have more comps than cash, I eat at the casino. At work, we had 20,000 in 20s in the vault to refill the ATM. And we kept 30,000 in 100s for the customer's checks on Friday. It was Tuesday and I started thinking we never did the tellers. 

 

We weren't a busy branch. The tellers didn't have to buy money from the bank all the time-- I mean the vault all the time. And we didn't do the dual vault control because everybody just trusted everybody. And it was Tuesday and a thought just dropped into my head. I could take a little money, borrow it so I can play a little bit. Tired of eating noodles, I could just borrow a little, hit a lick, went a little, put it back the next day. It was just a harmless thought. I took the whole $50,000. [audience laughter] $50,000 won't fit in your pants pocket. [audience laughter] I know. I tried it. So, I got 10,000 here, 10,000 here. I even got a sexy bulge in my underwear. I tell the tellers I'm going to lunch. I go to the Motor City Casino.

 

It's a short drive from where I work. I used to go there for lunch all the time. When I didn't have money. I had comps for the buffet. But this time, I have money. A lot of it. $50,000 stuffed in every pocket, even in my underwear. I sit down at the blackjack table. I buy in for 10000 in 20s. It takes them a little time to count 10,000 in 20s. It brings a small crowd, which I don't care for. I like to be invisible, understated. And then the people who gather around you to watch, they just lost their money. That's why they got time to sit there and watch you play. They don't want to see me win. They just want to see somebody stupider than them. [audience laughter] But I'm winning. Double 21, splitting aces. Blackjack, Blackjack. I'm winning.

 

The plan is, if you win, leave. But you feel invincible with $10,000 in your underwear. [audience laughter] So, I start getting cocky and losing and losing. And then the 10,000 is gone. The crowd, they act sad, but they feel better about themselves. They just want to see a train wreck. I pull out another 10,000. I'm chasing. I burn through that 10,000 fast. I get up from the table, and the crowd is acting sad. And I'm thinking, I got to get away from these losers. Losing is contagious. I'm going to go up to the high roller room on the top floor. I'm feeling bad, but my pocket's still 30,000 heavy. I just got to ta rush this off, change my game up, change my strategy. Banker or sit the whole 30 on the table. Takes him a while to count that much. Brings out some guys who have to wear suits like me.

 

I do good. I'm doing good. I want close to the 50,000 back. Then I get a call from work. I let it go to voicemail. It wasn't till I got that call that I realized what I had done. I just took $50,000 from my job to go to the casino at lunchtime. I was just caught up in the moment. This wasn't real, but it was real. That call meant I could be in some serious trouble. I just want to get this money back. I'm in a hurry. I'm thinking I put the biggest bet I had played up. I don't know why so much, 20 grand. I just want to get out of here. If I win this bet, I can get out of here. The dealer deals the cards. I'm back down to 30. Then the 20. Then the 10.

 

I notice there's this old man staring at me from one of the other tables, shaking his head. I just remember that old dude shaking his head at me. I get up with a few chips, and I know I can't win $50,000 back with these two orange chips in my hand. I walk out through the lights, the sounds, the people, the smoke, and out the door to fresher air. I listened to the voicemail. Ain't want nothing. It's one of the tellers wanted me to bring her back some. I don't go back to work. I mean, why? I just drive around Detroit until it's late. Drive down Woodward, down through Cass Corridor. There's this school that's being torn down. Kind of how I felt torn down. Being real with you is like this.

 

In Detroit, like a lot of my childhood friends serve time, serving time or worse. But that was never for me. I went to college. I wear a suit every day to work. I'm a professional. Yeah, I like to gamble but it's just for fun. This wasn't supposed to happen. Eventually, I called my job, and I remember they know by now that the money is missing. I remember I'm talking to the regional president, and he says something surprising. He says, “Shannon, don't do anything stupid. It's only money. It's not the end of the world.” You don't know how much I appreciate that guy for saying that. I don't even remember his name. I called my mom. I called my sister. This girl I was dating. I get a hotel room by the mall with that leftover money I had. 

 

And I invited everybody to come visit me. My mom, my sister, the girl I was dating. And I go to the mall and I get some ruby jewelry, like a necklace for my mom. Kay Jewelers had a sale on rubies. This was in July. [audience laughter] I'm thinking I'm going to be gone for a long time. This is something for her to remember me by. When they show up, I sit everybody down and I do this little intervention on myself. [audience laughter] And give my mom the ruby necklace and tell her what happened. And she doesn't accept the ruby necklace, of course. My mom says that I should be ashamed of myself and that I was raised better than that. And you don't know how much dad heard my mom telling me something like that which is true. 

 

It could have went a lot worse than what it did. One day in jail, five years’ probation, the bank didn't want to destroy me. That regional manager might have had a part in that. My family supported me. I got married. It's been hard, but I paid it back. I wish I could say the threat of jail, pain my mother felt, the normalcy of a wife and a baby changed me, and everything became happy. Wish I could say that, but this is life, and it's not all fun and games. Started going to the meetings, and the lady at the meeting said, addiction is insidious. I'm being real with you. I had to look it up. [audience laughter] I looked it up. Yeah. Insidious. That's a good word.