Joel Brady - It’s Always 25 on the Island

 

Last year, my wife, Peggy, and I, we went on a roller-skating date at the adult skate at the Neville Island Roller Drome. If you've never been to the adult skate, it's like this alternate universe. It's all these people who were really good at skating in the 1970s and 1980s. They're still really good at roller skating, and they still have all their Adidas tracksuits [audience laughter] and their light up skates. There's also this wonderful sense of community there. 

 

Peggy and I, we don't know anybody there, but we were just taking in the night and we were like, “This is great.” We're not as good as those people at roller skating, but I have a signature roller skating move. [audience laughter] And this move, it involves me sitting down, like on my haunches one skate and then I kick the other skate leg out directly in front of me like. If I get going fast enough, I can do a full rotation around the rink like that. I was doing that all night. [audience laughter] 

 

Peggy's like, she's starting to get tired of it. I'm nowhere near close to even getting tired of doing that. [audience laughter] And so, the night goes on. I remember at this point in the night, that song Hotstepper was on. I'm the hot stepper. We're to rock that one, which is a terrible song, but the Neville Island Roller Drome is like this vortex where every song you hated in high school sounds amazing. [audience laughter] 

 

 

So, that song is on. I'm getting into my signature move. I skate up real fast in front of Peggy. I forgot to mention, usually, I come around and I cut her off. [audience laughter] Anyway, I'm getting into my signature move, so I skate real fast, I get down into my move, and then all of a sudden, I feel her hands on my back. She had caught me. I was surprised, because I didn't even know she could skate that fast. But she caught me and now she's pushing me really fast around the rink. I'm thrown off, because it's pretty hard to actually to balance like that. And now, I've got this other variable in my physics, and it's a problem. 

 

But then I settled down and I was like, “No, we got this.” So, we're going around and I'm like, “Okay, this is actually. This works.” And then, I let go, and I just gave myself over to her. [audience laughter] I almost, just involuntarily, I put both my arms out, [audience laughter] and it was so liberating. The best way I can describe it is like I felt like a rose on the Titanic, [audience laughter] like on the prowl of the Titanic, like wind in my hair. It was also this incredibly intimate moment too. 

 

We started dating when we were 16. I can remember the first time that I kissed the spot next to her eye. She has this little indentation in her bone structure. I kissed her there. It was like an intimate moment that we remember it. I knew that this moment at the Neville Island Roller Drome was going to be that kind of moment. [audience laughter] People are looking. I don't care. I'm with my wife. And then, we're in the middle of this moment, and I see 15ft ahead of me skating by is Peggy. [audience laughter] She's got this very confused expression on her face. I'm also feeling very confused, because I can still feel her hands on my back. [audience laughter] It's hard to do in this position, but I do look like a quick over the shoulder and it's just some random guy. [audience laughter] 

 

It's not at all this woman that I've known intimately for over two decades. It's just this dude that I've never seen before in my life. He's got this big, goofy grin on his face, and he's nodding to Hotstepper like he's having the time of his life. Because that moment that I've been having, the one I've been telling you about, he's also having that moment. [audience laughter] Except that his experience of that moment, I think, is a little bit different than mine. 

 

For starters, he's the one pushing. That's just for starters. But secondly, he's known all along that it's just some random guy he's having this moment with, that's not information I've had access to. So, then I'm like, “Okay, recalibrating, recalibrating.” And people's expressions make more sense now, [audience laughter] the size of the hands and then I'm thinking like, “All right, well, what are next steps here?” Because we're still flying around the Roller Drome, and Leo DiCaprio back there doesn't look like he wants this moment to end anytime soon. And to be fair, why would he? I've been giving him every indication that I'm really enjoying his company. Like, really enjoying his company. 

 

And then I stop and I'm like, “Well, you know what? There are no next steps here.” Because with Hotstepper blasting like that, I can't communicate with him over my shoulder. I don't know if you've ever tried to extricate yourself from this specific physical situation, sitting on one roller skate with the other skate leg out in front of you and some dude pushing you around at breakneck speeds. Just take my word for it, it can't be done. It's not physically possible without total carnage. And then I thought, you know what? I might as well enjoy it. I looked over at my wife and I thought, life partner. And then, I looked back over my shoulder at that guy, and I thought, skating partner. [audience laughter] I put both my arms out again, and it felt incredible. And we did 10 more laps like that. [audience laughter]