Paul Davis - I Am Batman

 

My first year in LA, I was a birthday party clown. I struggled a lot with my identity, because I viewed myself as a filmmaker, but everyone in my life viewed me as this ridiculous day job. To make matters more confusing, being a clown, it’s like an identity-masking job. You wear makeup to cover your features. Sometimes I’d have to wear a mask and completely cover my face. For certain parties, I’d have to go as a specific character. And the way that would work is someone from the company would drop costumes off to me the night before a party at a designated pickup spot, [audience chuckle] which was always the same empty CVS parking lot [audience chuckle] at 10 o’clock at night.

 

So, it was like the worst drug deal you’ve ever seen. Because instead of drugs, I’m getting a trash bag filled with a costume that smells like the broken dreams of every failed actor that’s worn it before me. [audience chuckle] So, they’d be like, “Tomorrow, you’re going to be Mickey Mouse or SpongeBob SquarePants.” But those are registered trademarks. So, at the party, I’d actually be Ricky Mouse or Sponge Guy Short Pants. [audience chuckle] So, one night, they hand me my trash bag and say, “Tomorrow, you’re going to be Batman.” I know what you’re thinking, “Well, he’s got the physique for it.” But keep in mind, at the time, as I do now, I have a giant mustache. I know a clown with a mustache, that’s huge red flags for parents. [audience chuckle] But I didn’t want to alter my physical appearance for that job, because that was me subconsciously admitting I was more of a clown than I was an artist. So, for the party, as Batman, I opted not to shave. Bold choice. I know. 

 

So, the next day, I go to the party. It’s at this huge public park, and I have to park far enough away, so that the kids can’t see Batman pulling up in a PT Cruiser. [audience chuckle] So, I’m all the way on the outskirts of the park. And the only way for me to get to the party is to just walk to them. Now, normally, at these parties, all you have going for you is the element of surprise. You pop in through the front door, surprise, Batman’s here. All the kids go crazy. Without the element of surprise, these visits are unremarkable. [audience laughter] 

 

My element of surprise is just shot, because they see me coming from a quarter of a mile away. [audience chuckle] And I think, should I try to make more of an entrance for them? Should I run? [audience laughter] But they don’t want to see Batman sweaty and panting from a brisk jog. So, I just keep walking. I really have time to reflect. I am truly starting to regret my choice to not shave. [audience chuckle] I’m thinking, God, this party is not going to go well.” And sure enough, once I get close enough for them to actually start making out the features on my face, the entire party breaks out in laughter. [audience chuckle] I am so embarrassed. I want to turn around, run back to my Batmobile. But then, the laughter kind of merges and changes into cheering and applause.

 

I’m not sure at first what’s triggered the change in these people, but now, I’m actually starting to feel pretty good, feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I’m thinking, is this what encouragement and support feels like? [audience chuckle] It’s so new. And then, I think I do want to make an entrance for these people. I’m still about 20 yards away from the party, but then I just start running and they all start cheering louder. My cape is billowing in the wind. And mustache or not, in that moment I was Batman. [audience chuckle] I run into the party, they’re all high-fiving me and I see the birthday boy with his dad. And the dad is laughing and he says, “You see, I told you, son. I told you Batman has a mustache.” [audience laughter]

 

I think that’s a weird thing to have told your kid in the first place. [audience chuckle] But then, he takes me over to this huge birthday cake with a frosting Batman drawn on it. And the Batman on the cake has a mustache. [audience laughter] [audience applause] 

 

I just stare at it in disbelief. I think that’s got to be a botched mouth, but it’s a thick black line right underneath his nose, curls around the side. It looks just like my mustache. [audience laughter] Now, that’s why everyone was laughing so hard when I first walked out. Cause when they initially brought the cake out, all the kids scoffed and said, “Batman doesn’t have a mustache.” And instead of just admitting that the cake was messed up, the parents tried to save face and said, “No, Batman always has a mustache. He just shaved it for his movies.”

 

And naturally, the children were dubious [audience chuckle] until in a bizarre twist of fate, [audience laughter] my mustache became the detail that confirmed what the parents had said and convinced the kids that I was actually Batman. [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause] 

 

And those kids were at the perfect age where they still believe in miracles and heroes, and that the world is an inherently good place. You know, all the stuff that’s so difficult for us to keep believing as we grow up in a cold and increasingly hateful world. That year, I struggled a lot with my identity. But that day at least, there was no doubt in my mind what I was. Now, I may not have been the hero that they ordered and I certainly was not the hero they expected. [audience chuckle] But that day, I damn sure was the hero that they needed.