Adam Wade - Hoboken Roast Beef

 

Two years ago, I had the lowest point I had living in New York. At the time, I was living in Hoboken, New Jersey, and I hadn't worked for a full year. And I had worked my way up from a basement apartment to an apartment on the third floor. And I had to give it up and move in with my friend Tricia, God bless her, with a lot of cats. And I'm asthmatic. [audience chuckle] So it was, I guess, the summer. And I'm sitting in there and she has a place at the Jersey Shore and this is me and the cats. And I got my air filter and my humidifier going and I'm not working. I've had interviews. Everybody says I'm a nice guy, but they won't hire me. And I was just so frustrated and the cable wasn't working. I go, "I need to do something to make me happy." And I like roast beef sandwiches. [audience laughter] 

 

So, I had seven dollars in my wallet. I go, "I'm going to ShopRite. I'm going to get a nice Italian bread. I'm going to make it myself. And then I'm going to get a quarter pound of Boar's Head roast beef, rare, and we're going to be all set." So, I go in. [audience laughter] And there's a gentleman. He kind of looks like Eric Roberts from The Pope of Greenwich Village. He's working behind the deli and it's just and him. He just kind of shaking. And he's waiting on this elderly Italian lady. So, he's waiting on, I guess, 61. So I take the number and it's 62. And I'm just waiting there. And she's like, "Hi, John, how's your mother?" And they're talking about his mother. And I'm like, "Come on, I got absolutely nowhere to go, but I'd like to get my roast beef and my roll and get out of here." [audience laughter] 

 

So, they're finally done, and I'm like, "All right, hey, John, I'll have a quarter pound." And he's like, "Excuse me." And then this other elderly Italian lady cuts me in line and they say, "How's your mother?" And he's like, "She's off dialysis." And they're going back and forth and I'm like, "All right. I'm a laid-back guy, but I'm getting there," and so I'm sitting there and she ordered a lot of stuff for a little lady. [audience laughter] So finally, and I'm ready to jump on it. So, they say, "Goodbye, say hi to your mom." And I go, "Quarter pound of Boar's--" And just as I said that, two like them. There must have been twins, elderly Italian cut me in line and they order like the whole place. [audience laughter] And I'm sitting there, and I’m starting to get pissed off. And as I'm going through, a lot of Hoboken yuppies are gathered around, so there's a lot of people now. And they go-- And I'm holding on to my number and I'm starting to shake. And so, they're like, "Tell your mother we said hi." And he's like, "I will. Bye ladies" And then I'm like-- and then I just-- I go, "Quarter pound of Boar's Head right now." And he's like, "Excuse me, I got to make a phone call." And I just go, "Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus." And all the yuppies are looking at me like I'm a jerk. And I'm like, "Jeez, this guy."

 

So he goes, makes a phone call, and he's at least five minutes, and he comes back and I know, okay, there's no-- [panting] I don't see any elderly Italian ladies. It's just me and the yuppies. And I got my number, I'm all set. So, he hits the numbers thing, but he hits it twice. And he goes, "All right, number 63." And then I just snap. I go, "Wait a minute, I got 62. I've been waiting here. You let half of Italy cut me. [audience laughter] I'm ready to go." And I go, "I want a quarter pound of Boar's Head roast beef, and I want it rare, please, John." And like, the poor guy, like I thought he was going to start crying. He's like, "I'm sorry, sir." I go, "Don't worry about apologizing. Just get me my meat."[audience laughter] 

 

So he cuts in, and he's doing it, and he gets in, and I just grab it. And I get to admit, I'm having such a tough time, I felt good at yelling at someone. It just made me feel really good inside. And I'm still shaking, but I feel-- So, I'm heading to the cash register, and one of the elderly Italian ladies that cut me grabs my arm. She goes, "Shame on you. Shame on you. John's mother's sick." And I'm like-- and I just walk. [audience laughter] I get my roast beef when I go home and I'm still shaking, I go-- And I get the cat, scram. And I'm making my sandwich. And I can't stop thinking about John's mother. [audience laughter] It's like the way I am. And I'm just sitting there like, "John's mother, she's-- Jesus Christ, this poor guy." [panting] I'm okay. I'm not hungry. 

 

So, I Google ShopRite Hoboken. And I get on the phone and I go, "Please, can I have the deli department?" John answers. I go, "John, it's Adam Wade." And he's like, "Who?" I go, "I'm the guy that just came in that yelled at you at the deli department." He goes, "Oh, yes, I remember." And I go, "You know, I'm really sorry." And I go through my whole spiel. I'm having a rough summer. And he's just so-- He's like, "Don't worry. You seem like such a nice boy." He goes, "You'll get a job. Don't worry." It made me feel so good. [audience laughter] And I'm like, "John, how's your mother doing?" And he's like, "She's off dialysis, but she might go back." And we're going on and on, and it's like the best 15 minutes of my life. And then he cuts me short. He's like, "Adam, I'd love to keep talking to you. It's been a great conversation. But there's a lot of people here that want their meat and cheese." [audience laughter and applause] 

 

So, for the rest of the Summer, I went in three or four nights a week. Some nights I wouldn't even get anything, but I would like-- I don’t have money but I would talk to John, see how his mother is. "You got to keep the faith." And then I met Wilma that did the samples. And I'd have samples to eat. And then Dorothy at the checkout, 15 or less. And they helped me. And I'm fortunate to say, I had a job for a year straight, and I just go-- I can't go in every night to ShopRite. I got a life. [audience laughter] But I go in on Saturday afternoons, and it's packed, and it's always really busy. I just get my Grape-Nuts and cranberry juice. But no matter what, I'll always go and say hi to John if he's there. And I'm like, "Hey, John, how you doing? How's your mother?" And he's like, "Off dialysis. She's riding a bike." I'm like, "That is fabulous." He's like, "How's work?" I'm like, "Great." He's like, "I knew you'd be all right." I'm like, "Oh." And the crowd, they're starting to get annoyed. And then I'm like, "All right, John, I'll see you. Have a good day." And he's like, "Hey, Adam, come here." And I'm like, "What, John?" He's like, "Want a quarter pound of Boar's Head roast beef?" I'm like, "Come on, John. There's a lot of people there. I can't do it." He's like, "Come on, have a quarter pound of roast beef on me." "All right, give me the quarter pound of roast beef."