Danusia Trevino - Guilty

 

I didn't rebel when I was a teenager. I started late and was still going at it the summer I turned 30, [audience laughter] I just became an American citizen. [cheers and applause] I divorced my husband. I got a big tattoo of a bat on my arm, and I joined a New York City punk band. [audience laughter] I was just beginning to play bass guitar. So, for the first show, I borrowed a tambourine from a friend, and I started hitting it so hard that my whole arm went through the drum skin. And an acquaintance of mine came up to me and she said, “You might benefit from going to therapy.” [audience laughter] And she handed me a card for a therapist, and I took it and I went. 

 

And at the first session, this therapist asked me, “Why are you here?” And I said to her, “I am here because I am angry at the world and its people.” And she said to me, “The world is like a mosaic, and you are one of its tiny pieces. You are very important, but so is equally everybody else.” And I wanted to say to her, “I did not go through all this trouble to come all the way from Communist Poland to New York City to pay you $75 an hour so you could turn me into some happy tile.” [audience laughter] 

 

So, I continued doing my thing. I used to go out almost every night. I used to practice with the band and then go out almost every night to dance, drink. I used to come home at sunrise, and I would watch as regular people were going to work, and I felt great pity for their lives. [audience laughter] And around that time, I got my first jury duty summons in the mail. So, I asked my rock and roll friends about it, and they said, “Jury duty sucks and it needs to be avoided at all costs because the system is corrupt, so why bother?” And then they coached me on how not to get picked. They said, “Whatever the case is, tell them you have personal experience with it.” So, if somebody was attacked, tell them you have been attacked. And if somebody was pickpocketed, you have been pickpocketed. So, I felt very confident on a day. And I got dressed for my jury picking day. I spiked my hair. I made sure my bat tattoo was in full view. I put motorcycle boots, jeans with holes, and a T-shirt that said, “I want to be your dog.” [audience laughter] 

And I arrived like that at the court and I sat in a huge room with lots of other people. And shortly after, my name got called into another room for something called voir dire, where I learned that the defendant was a young black man accused of robbery. And I thought to myself, this is great. I don't even have to lie. So, I raised my hand and I said, “Pardon me, but I cannot be impartial because I have been twice arrested for shoplifting.” [audience laughter] The judge was in the room. He was very old and very mean because when I raised my hand again, he sent me a cold look that said, “I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work.” And I really wanted to see the expression on his face when I tell him about my job, but I didn't think it was a good idea to announce in court that for the past six years I have been delivering magic mushrooms and marijuana for money. [audience laughter] so I kept quiet and I got selected as the juror number one. [audience laughter] 

 

And then I had to sit and watch as they select the 11 remaining jurors. 10 very uptight, rigid, Wall Street type of people, and one elderly Spanish gentleman. There was this anemic looking woman wearing a blue suit with flat shoes, straight black, uneventful hair. Then there was middle-aged guy with beige pleated pants that went above his waist, blue oxford shirt with bow tie and a very low-quality toupee. And he acted as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with that look. [audience laughter] Then there was this younger guy with a briefcase, the groovy type who thinks Eric Clapton is a God and invented the Blues. And rest of them were wearing suits. 

 

I was positive they were all Republicans, [audience laughter] that they were probably married to their childhood sweethearts, had fantastic jobs with all benefits and a room for promotion, that probably on Sundays they went with their whole families to the park to walk slowly, take in the air and admire the vegetation. [audience laughter] What a life, I thought. And now were locked here together and they were going to put this young man in jail. 

 

And for the first time I realized, “Thank God, they Picked me so he could have at least one truly liberal, open-minded soul on his side.” The case was scheduled for the following week. I lost sense of time and I went out the night before as usual. I came home at sunrise; I passed out on the couch and I woke up because my phone wouldn't stop ringing. It was the court clerk saying, “Where are you? We're about to go into session and the judge insists on waiting for you, so please hurry.” So, I quickly got in a cab and I went Downtown. And when I got into the court, I was told that our case got moved into the afternoon because of my lateness. So, I went into everybody and I apologized, even though I wanted to say to them, “You know don't blame me. You could see I was trying to help you not to pick me.” 

 

So finally, after lunch, we entered the courtroom. The family of the defendant was already there. What seemed to be his grandmother, his grandfather, parents and siblings. And they looked little concerned when they saw us all pretty much white there. And I wanted to wave to them and say, “Don't worry, I've got this.” Then the case began, the hearing began, and the prosecution made a complete mess of things. They gave us a lot of facts that we were later told to erase from our memory, like that's easy to do. Then the defense lawyer was not very helpful because he was disheveled, depressed, and not very passionate about saving his client from going to jail. And I could see that the old judge was not happy with their performance either because when we were walking to deliberate, he stopped us and in his speech to us, he just said, “Just go with your gut.” [audience laughter]  

And I've never been to law school, but I knew I would have done a much better job [audience laughter] just from watching crime movies. So, we finally went into deliberation room, the door got locked and we started talking and everybody had a chance to say something. I don't remember what I said exactly, but I remember we all agreed that the guy probably committed the crime. But then some of the people were saying that they didn't think that the prosecution proved their case. So, after 40 minutes of that, finally our foreman said, “Is anybody ready to vote?” And nobody was raising their hand. So, I raised my hand and I said, “I'm ready and I vote guilty.” And they all looked at me. And then the anemic woman raised her hand and she said, “I'm ready too, and I vote not guilty.” And I thought, she's probably religious or something. 

 

So, then this Spanish guy raised his hand and he said, “I'm ready too. And I vote not guilty.” And then, one by one, they voted not guilty. And I was the only one with the guilty vote. [audience laughter] And I was a little surprised myself because I was supposed to be the one to save him. But I couldn't ignore my gut. And what happened next is that these 11 people talk to me one by one, with patience and gentleness. And they didn't say that I was wrong, they said they understood where I was coming from, that they said, “Maybe you were influenced by the information we were supposed to forget.” And when I was still not convinced, they sent the older Spanish gentleman to talk to me. And he sat very close to me, and he looked me in the eyes and he said, “You know maybe one day somebody that you love very much will be in this situation where it will look like they have committed a crime, but they are actually innocent. And this law that says a person is innocent until proven guilty beyond reasonable doubt will save their life. By any means, it's not a perfect law, but it's the law we have and we were asked to follow and honor it in this court today, so please consider that.” [sobs]

 

And I was a little surprised how thoughtful all these people were. And I changed my vote and we went back to the court. And when that final question is posed by the judge, has the jury reached their verdict? And how do you find the defendant? And when our beautiful, handsome foreman got up and said, “Not guilty, your honor,” the family of the defendant jumped out of their seats with so much relief and they looked at us, and then they waited for us outside because they wanted to thank us personally. And as they were hugging everyone, I was hoping that nobody's going to tell them about me in deliberation room. [audience laughter] And I wanted to say to them, “Don't thank me. Thank these 11 really incredible, probably still Republican people, [audience laughter] because they're something else. They've managed to crack my heart open against my will.” 

 

And then came a time where I had to say goodbye to my colleagues, and I didn't want to part with them. I want to grab onto their legs and say, “Take me with you. Don't leave me here alone. Take me to the park [audience laughter] for a walk. Teach me how to admire the vegetation. [audience laughter] Teach me how to live,” but they had to go back to their regular jobs. And when somebody say today that they don't want to do the jury duty, I say to them, “Please go. You never know what can happen at the jury duty.” Thank you.