Grace Topinka - Chicago Keep Your Friends Close

 

You know those kids in elementary school that talk so much that the teacher had to move them around the classroom? Well, I was the quiet kid that those kids got sat next to, [audience laughter] and everybody knew it. I was always so shy, and every time I tried something new, I was like, “I'm going to be outgoing and I'm going to be popular. I'm going to make all these high school camp, middle school, college.” And it never happened. Not that I never made friends. It just took me a really long time to warm up to people. 

 

After college, I was nervous, because they say it's harder to make friends as an adult. And I was like, “Well, I wasn't even good at it before.” [audience laughter] But it's true. When you don't have school proximity, it takes a lot more effort to spend time with someone and get to know someone as an adult. 

 

So, I started going to therapy. One of the things that I wanted to work on was my anxiety around social situations. My therapist gave me an assignment that week and was like, “You need to go out of your comfort zone, and ask people what they're doing on the weekend and take any hint of an invitation that you get you need to jump on it.” [audience laughter] 

 

So, there was this girl at work named Chelsea, and I had my eye on her. [audience laughter] I feel like we shared a lot of similar interests. Like, maybe she would like to hang out with me. It really felt like I was trying to date her, except we weren't trying to see each other naked. [audience laughter] But I would find excuses to send her a DM on Instagram and talk to her. And then, one day, she mentioned that she had found this Groupon for this Korean spa. And I was like, “Oh, I'd totally be down to do that.” Like, “Let's go.” [audience laughter] 

 

So, on the day of, I was really nervous because I was like, “Okay, this is the first time we're hanging outside of work.” It made me extremely nervous, and that's why I was in therapy. [audience laughter] And I was like, “I need to put together a cute outfit.” So, I wore this bathing suit and these wide leg pants and a little sweater. Like, that spa, I-do-this-all-the-time vibe [audience laughter] is what I was trying to give.

 

So, we met up and we got to the spa and we check into the women's locker room. I can't help but notice there are signs everywhere that say no bathing suits in the hot tubs. You have to be completely naked, take a shower in front of everyone and then get into the hot tub area. [audience laughter]

 

Now, I had figured that some people would be nude at this Korean spa, because it's common in Korean spa and also in spas in countries all over the world. They don't sexualize everything and have these terrible views on the naked female body. But I didn't grow up in one of those countries. [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause] 

 

So, I ignorantly thought that maybe you had the option to wear a bathing suit, but you did not. [audience laughter] So, we had come this far. The hot tub area looked so cool and inviting. I was like, “Okay, I guess we have to go.” So, we got naked and took a shower in front of everyone and got into the hot tub. And then, we saw someone in the locker room, and it was our boss' wife. [audience laughter] I was like, “How many colleagues are going to see me naked today?” [audience laughter] Like, I'm already nervous as much. Our first time hanging out, and we've already done way more [audience laughter] than I thought were going to do. She was nervous too. She was like, “Well, that'd be really weird if she comes in here.” Like, “Do we acknowledge her?” And I was like, “I'm not acknowledging her. She barely knows me.” 

 

But she ended up skipping out the hot tub part and going to the fully clothed sauna area or steam room area, which was good, because it suddenly made Chelsea and I's situation feel a lot less awkward. That could be way worse. [audience laughter] We ended up getting pretty comfortable and having a great time. As I looked around this room of naked women in a non-creepy way, [audience chuckle] I saw friends, sisters, mothers, daughters and I realized how important it was for me to get out of my comfort zone, because friendship, especially female friendship, is so important. [audience cheers and applause] 

 

Ever since then, Chelsea and I have become great friends. We've gone back to the spa multiple times, [audience laughter] and we even started a podcast together, which I consider to be the pinnacle of millennial friendship. [audience laughter] So, I don't think my therapist would officially say, getting naked is a great way to break the ice with a new friend. But in this case, it worked. Thank you.