Maureen Freeman - As a General Rule

 

 

Okay, we ready? Well, present moment being evidence to the contrary, I normally don't do this kind of thing, putting myself out there like this. As a general rule, for me it's just a reflection of reality. Other rules of mine are guidelines that keep me in a good zone, and still others mark where I should stretch beyond the limits of the norm. And all of them are why I'm here. So, several months ago in Washington D.C. where I'm from, after a long workday, I still had hanging over me this writing task that I needed to do. I'd been avoiding it for weeks and my self-imposed deadline loomed and I needed to think of some way to get myself to do this already. And I came up with an idea I thought might work.

 

I decided I would go to this really lovely bar downtown that I knew. It was a lounge inside a beautiful hotel and I would treat myself to a really nice glass of Chardonnay. That was the carrot. The stick would be that I would be by myself at this bar. And the last thing I want is to be seen as putting myself out there alone in a bar. Just the thought makes me queasy. But I could avoid this dreadful possibility if I kept myself busy with the writing task. So, it was a good plan, and it worked. When the bartender slid toward me a full glass of Chardonnay, I was ready with the writing pad on my lap and pen in my hand, and I put my head down and went right to it. And the words, the sentences, paragraphs, just steadily filled the page.

 

I scribbled extra notes outside the margins and the rules of grammar and usage didn't matter now, I could apply them later. Sometimes I paused and took a few sips and then quickly resumed writing. And as long as I was writing, it was as if I was kind of invisible to all the people around me, which was great. So, things were going well. Several pages later, I was nearly finished. I looked at my glass. Just a few swallows left, so the timing was perfect. I took one swallow and put the glass down and started on the final two paragraphs to go. And then something in the corner of my eye made me look up as the bartender slid toward me a full glass of Chardonnay. And he said, "This is from the gentleman at the end of the bar."

 

And I was in a really good zone at that point that my first thought was that friends of mine must be here, so I wonder who. [audience chuckles] So, I was looking around to see, and I didn't recognize anyone. And then it hit me, to my horror, [audience chuckles] that a stranger had sent me a drink while I'm sitting alone in a bar. I was mortified and kind of peeved because he had breached my invisibility and derailed my plan. And I think the bartender maybe noticed the stricken look on my face and maybe quickly or correctly guessed that I wasn't too good at this. But he came back and kind of leaned over and said, in a very helpful way, "This is a nice thing," [audience laughter] which burst my little bubble of bitterness. But still, I felt stranded, kind of outside my zone. And I was clueless about the rules of this new situation I was in.

 

And I realized that for most people, this is not a big deal, but for me, it's practically an existential crisis. [audience chuckles] “What's the protocol? Do I drink this? And if so, how much? [audience laughter] Do I talk to him? And if so, for how long?” I wanted guidelines, and I had none. So, I just let go and I took a blind leap. So, after a more careful scan around the bar, I spotted him. And he looked over, and his very friendly wave said, "Yep, that was from me." So, I smiled and waved back. He came over to introduce himself. I invited him to sit, [audience chuckles] and then we talked, and we kept talking.

 

And he told me later that he had recently given himself a new rule to be more social when an opportunity presented itself. So, he had just followed his rule and I had let go of mine. And here we were, just two friendly people, sitting and talking and talking and just talking. And eventually we finished up and left. We walked to the metro station together, same line, opposite directions. And on the platform, we exchanged goodnights and business cards. And soon after, we exchanged emails and text messages and phone calls at random hours of the day and night. But no, this story does not end as a tacky formula romance would. Instead, I'd say we quickly became like longtime friends. Besides, I live in Washington D.C. and he's in New York City and pursuing a serious relationship, long distance doesn't work as a general rule. [laughter] Thank you.