Darryl "DMC" McDaniels - Angel

 

 

Hi. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. I'm going to tell you all about what happened to me when I asked myself, “Why am I here?” I do that every day now, I ask myself, why am I here today in front of y' all? But I'm here today in front of y' all to tell you what happened when I asked myself, “Why am I here several years ago.” [audience chuckle]

 

Several years ago, I was on tour with my band, Run DMC. We was over in Europe. Now we was in Europe. We was out there doing shows. We was getting $40,000, $50,000 a night. But for some reason, something in me wasn't right. I had no idea what it was. So, on this particular evening after the show, I got back to my room and I asked myself, “Am I here just to be DMC?” And I laid there that night, and I thought about everything that happened to me. Okay, I'm Darryl McDaniels. I grew up in Hollis, Queens, New York. Byford and Banna is my mother and father. My brother is Alfred. My mother and father worked every day to send me to every school that I went to. And every school that I went to was a Catholic school that they worked every day to pay for me to go to. And I treated them right by coming home with straight A's every day. I was an athletic kid. 

 

For me as a kid every day, not materially, but every day as a kid, it was Christmas for me. Life couldn't be no better. And then growing up in Hollis, Queens, I met Joe and Jay. And we did the things that young guys do. And then we call ourselves to start a rap group and we put a record out, and then the record goes number one. And we damn near created hip hop and we was the first to gold, first to go platinum, all this good stuff. Rolling Stone, MTV. And now here I am playing in Europe, getting $40,000, $50,000 a night, but why am I so unhappy? I was laying there and I summed up everything that was me and I was unhappy to the point where I was so depressed. And out of that, I became very suicidal. 

 

Now I had suicidal thoughts. So, I don't think I really killed myself, because I did go to the ledge and look and I looked and said, “I ain't jumping. [audience chuckle] It's going to hurt. Put the poison in the glass.” And I thought about drinking the poison, and I looked at it and I said, “I ain't drinking that.” Thought about the gun, the whole night, but I knew something was wrong with me even though life was good, because I had suicidal thoughts. So, I was saying, “Okay, I got to figure out how to kill myself. No, I'm not-- whatever, whatever.” But then I came to the conclusion, I can't kill myself on the road while we're touring because Run and Jay is going to be mad at me. So, I'm going to just wait till I get home. [audience laughter]

 

So, we finished. We did what we had to do on a tour in Europe, and I came home very depressed. I didn’t know what this void was in me, because I summed up everything about me. I'm supposed to be happy. I get in a car and the limo driver goes, “Do you want to hear some music?” And I'm like, “Yeah, just turn the radio on.” “You have a preference?” “No, just turn it on.” So, he turns the radio on.

 

And this was in 1997. And on the radio was a record called Angel by Sarah McLachlan. Now, look, fame, friends, fortune, and even my family, my wife and kids didn't mean nothing to me because I was suicidal, I was depressed, I was an emotional wreck. But for some reason, when I heard that record, Angel by Sarah McLachlan, something in me said, “Life is beautiful. It's good to be alive.”

 

So, for one whole year, all I did was listen to Sarah McLachlan's record, Angel. [audience laughter] For one whole year, not only that, I went out and brought every record she ever made. And the only thing that I was living for was Sarah McLachlan. Over and over and over, everywhere I went. I was driving my management crazy because I would be like, “Come on, D, we got to go on the road or you got to put this in.” They would go, “No.” I said, “Then I ain't going.” [audience laughter] And they would be like, “Okay, we'll put it in for you.” And they're like, “There's something mad with you. What's up? He listens to Sarah McLachlan, whatever.” 

 

So, for one year, I'm listening to Sarah McLachlan. At the end of the year, my manager goes, “Yo, D, I got tickets to Clive Davis Grammy party. You don't know who Clive Davis is, right? If you win American Idol, you get a deal with Clive Davis. He discovered Janis Joplin and all these people,” but I'm like, “I have no time for Clive Davis in Hollywood because I have my Sarah McLachlan. That's all I care about.” So, he's like, “Yo, D, man, I went through a hard time to get these tickets and blah, blah, blah.” I'm looking at it and I say, “Okay, I'll go to the party, but I'm only staying one hour.” 

 

So, I go to the party. Clive Davis Grammy party in LA. I'm counting the seconds 59, 58. I'm looking around, and there's Stevie Wonder, oh fuck way. Alicia Keyes, who cares about Alicia Keys, paparazzi, Pam Anderson and all this stuff. I'm hating on everything, so, I'm sitting there at a party that I did not want to go to because all I wanted to do is listen to my Sarah McLachlan music. But guess who walks in? [gasps] [audience laughter] That lady. She was that lady to me. She was that lady to me then. That lady that made that record that changed my life. I'm losing it because nobody in the whole facility knows I'm an in the closet Sarah McLachlan fan, [audience laughter] but I'm losing it, I'm like oh, my.

 

So, I get myself together, I say, “Okay, I got to go over there. If I do die, kill myself, whatever, I got to go over there, let her know what her record did for me.” So, I walk over to Sarah McLachlan, and I'm in the whole Run-DMC garb, the hat, the black, all the way down. She sees me coming, she goes, DMC. It's tricky to rock a rhyme. Rock a rhyme. My Adidas said walk this way. I'm like, wow. But in my head, this is where I was at. In my head, I'm like, that's a good reason to stay alive because Sarah McLachlan likes my music. That's where I was at, y'all. [audience laughter] I go over to her and I say, “Hey, Ms. McLachlan, I just want to tell your record, Angel. Your record Angel saved my life. I was depressed. I was suicidal. But every day I listen to that record, I don't leave the house without listening to that record. It's the crutch I stand on. It's like everything I do with revolves around that record. And listen, the record is called Angel. You sing like Angel. People say you are Angel, but you're not Angel to me, you're God.” And I go on and on and on, but she's looking at me like, “Okay, where is this coming from? I just wanted to say hi to his ass.”

 

So, I finished my little ramp. She looks at me and she goes. She ain't know what to say. “Thank you for telling me that, Darryl because that's what music is supposed to do.” Three whole years go by. She shakes my hand, walks away. Three whole years go by and I'm trying to figure out what this void in me, this and that. Why don't want to kill myself, but I ain't going to kill myself because I got my Sam McLachlan music. I'm listening to Sam McLachlan, figuring out why am I crazy? I'm going through a lot of emotions. Did I realize something? People know my musical legacy. What Run DMC did, first to gold, first to go platinum, first on MTV, first to the record deal, first all at first, but nobody knows the legacy. Nobody knows about the little boy Darryl who became DMC. 

 

So I said, if I die, my friends and my fans and people that I grew up with my generation, they just know DMC, what DMC did. They don't know about Darryl, and especially the younger generation. So, I said, I got to write a book. So, I'm going to write a book and it's going to be, “Yo, what's up? My name is DMC. You know me, Darryl McDaniels, I'm a Run-DMC. First to go gold, first I go platinum, first on MTV, first on rolling stones, all the first.” [audience laughter] I got to the point where I wanted to write. “Yeah, I was born May 31, 1964.” When I got to that point, I realized that's all I know about the day I was born. 

 

So, I said, I got to figure out the details of my birth. So, I called my mother. “Hey, mom.” Hey, Darryl. How are you doing? Love you.” “Love you too.” “Did you eat?” “Yeah, Mama, you're losing too much weight.” “No, mom working out. It's a difference, but whatever, whatever. I just need to know three things because I'm writing this book. How much did I weigh, what time was I born and what hospital?” She told me those three things. “Love you.” “Love you too.” Hung up the phone boof. 

 

About an hour later, the phone rings it's my mother and my father. “Hi.” “Hey, son, how you doing?” “What's up, daddy? Yo, what's up?” “We have something else to tell you. [onomatopoeia] Blah, blah, You was a month old. We think you're Dominican and you're adopted. You're adopted, you're adopted, you're adopted, you're adopted.” Right then and there, whole world stopped. [honks] Thought about all of her DMC stuff. St. John's University, High School, when I was a little kid and I thought about all the stuff that I was laying in a bed couple of years earlier, saying, “Am I here just to be DMC?” Summed up everything about me, that was the one void, the piece of the missing link that had me going out of my mind, suicidal, because that was the one thing I didn't know about myself.

 

Now, if you think there's really a time to commit suicide, finding out you're adopted at age 35, and people say, “D, they told you over the phone?” [audience laughter] But right then and there, something happened. I remembered when I asked myself in my head the DMC and summed it up, that was the missing void, so the void was filled. I really wanted to kill myself, but then I remembered something, Sarah McLachlan said, that's what music is supposed to do. So, I said, okay, before I get suicidal, depressed and do something real crazy, she said, that's what music is supposed to do. I said, I need to write a record that's going to help that little orphan or that little kid in foster care who thinks they threw me away. I'm worthless. I mean nothing. My mother and father love you because I may be DMC, but what I really represent is purpose and destiny. So, I need to make a record that's going to inspire somebody the way Sarah McLachlan inspired me. 

 

Then I got a bigger idea. I'm going to call that lady back up, have that lady make the record with me. So, I get Sarah McLachlan on the phone. And I'm thinking, if she thought I was crazy three years ago, she going to really think I'm crazy now. [audience laughter] “Hey, Ms. McLachlan. It's Darryl. Remember me?” “How can I forget you, Darryl? You called me God. What do you want?” “Okay, here we go. Remember when I met you three years ago and I told you what your record did for me?” “Yeah.” “And then, you looked at me and you told me that's what you're supposed to do?” “Yeah.” “Well, I found out why I was going depressive, suicidal [onomatopoeia] when my father told me I'm adopted, I need to make a record that's going to inspire me the way inspire people, the way you're record inspired me. Blah, blah, blah. Will you help me do this record?” She goes, “Yes, real quick.” I was like, wow, that was easy. I'm losing it now. I'm like she said, yes, this and that. 

 

I'll fly you to New York, put you in the Four Seasons studio. She says, “No, Darryl, you could come to my house and make the record.” Now, I'm a fan. After four years of listening to this lady, I'm a fan now, right. To make a long story short, when she said, “Come to my house,” I fainted. [audience laughter] I woke up, I was in Vancouver, Canada. It's beautiful there at Sarah McLachlan's house. The lady whose record saved my life, right. Now, listen, we went there. I said, “Ms. McLachlan, I want to make a remake of Harry Chapin's Cats in the Cradle. And I'm going to put my adoption story there. And I'm going to give it a happy ending.” “Okay, Cool.” It took us two days to make the record. 

 

Now, listen, it all started in the car with her record coming on the radio. A year goes by, I go to a party that I did not want to go to. Who walks in? Then I found out that I was adopted. I called her up to do the record with me, so, we did the record. All happy. I was on my way out the door and she says, “Darryl, before you go, I got to tell you something.” Now, I love her to death. Her music, everything what she did for me, I'm in heaven. I'm on cloud nine. “Whatever it is you want, Ms. McLachlan,” she says, “Before you go, I need to tell you something, Darryl.” And I said, “What?” She says, “I was adopted too, and I did not know that. Everything happens for a reason.”