Leah Baruch - Anatomy of a New Me

 

I have always believed in the power of a fresh start. And, in the summer of 2006, I really needed that power. I had just filed for bankruptcy at the age of 26, having misunderstood maybe what it meant that women could have it all. [audience laughter] I had defaulted on my student loans, my car had been repossessed, I had sold all of my belongings, kind of by court order [audience laughter] and, I really needed a new me who wasn't a moron. So, I thought about it and I concluded the new me should be a doctor, which felt like the opposite of a moron. And the second season of Grey's Anatomy had just come out. [audience laughter] So, it turns out you can't apply to medical school with a bachelor's degree in theater. [audience laughter]

 

So, new me was going to have to go back to undergrad. And the school needed to be cheap because I was not allowed to take out student loans. [audience chuckle] So, I chose Evergreen State in Olympia. [cheers and applause] Go Geoducks. Very affordable state school. Also known for the fact it doesn't give out grades. It's not a premier destination for pre-med, if you could believe it. [audience laughter] But I thought I could make it work. 

 

So, I moved to Olympia. The only apartment I could afford there was like miles from campus. I didn't have a car, so I scrounged together a used bike to get around town. And I rolled up one pant leg and the new me was officially here. [audience chuckle] There was this one holdover from old me, this drummer I'd been dating for a few years. [giggles] Hold that thought. [audience laughter]

 

And just before school started, he invited me to go hiking. And he chose this trail that was like a steep downhill, like into a ravine. And I do think he was looking for a metaphor with that because at the lowest point of the hike, he did break up with me. [audience aww] He had great timing, that drummer. [cheers and applause] So, I was feeling some feelings in this moment. But I was also like trying not to cry because I was like, "Would a doctor like cry over this drummer? I don't know." [audience laughter] So, I'm standing there, definitely not crying. And I see over his shoulder there's this like rock formation. And it catches my eye because it's kind of medium tall, but it looks very climbable. I am pretty sure doctors are into rock climbing. And so, suddenly, so am I. 

 

And so, before he can stop me, I am like off to climb this rock. I am going to prove something to myself. I do not know what, but I just needed to climb. So, I get going. I get seven, eight feet in the air and I realize this rock is taller than I thought it was going to be. And it's wet. And then my feet just slip out from under me. I plummet to the ground. My right ankle cracks as I land. [audience reaction] I hear it and I think, "I'm not a doctor, but this is broken." [audience laughter] And, like, the whole plan for the new me is also broken because I am like, "Okay, how am I going to ride a bike to get to school with a broken ankle?"

 

And now that I think about this, if I even manage to get to the school, once I'm there, they're not going to give me any grades. Like, I'm never going to be a doctor. I'm only ever going to be a moron. And now a single moron. And it just kind of like spirals in my mind like that, and I end up just like weeping on the ground while the drummer just kind of like watches awkwardly. [audience chuckle] 

 

And right there in that lowest moment of humiliation, I get a vision of Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy. [audience laughter] And she is both groveling to McDreamy, going, "Pick me, choose me, love me." And she's holding a bomb in some guy's abdominal cavity. Like, she's just steely eyed. She's doing what needs to be done. But also, she's so pathetic. But also, she's such a badass. And I'm like, "That's it. Maybe I too can be both a moron and a doctor." [audience laughter and applause] Because women contain multitudes, right? [cheers and applause] 

 

So, I had to crawl army style through the mud to get out of the ravine that day. It took hours because the drummer, not exactly Patrick Dempsey, not strong enough to lift me, we discovered. But I did get out and I did have to sell my bike to pay for bus fare. And I had to walk with a cane for quite a while, like a different TV doctor. [audience laughter] But I just kept moving forward, broken ankle and all. And that's the thing about bones is when they break, there's all this great stuff inside that gets to come out and shine. It's like growth factors and stem cells and they surround the injury and they organize and they remodel and they create from that disaster a whole new bone. And the new bone, it's not stronger than the old bone that is a commonly believed myth, [audience chuckle] but given enough time, it will be strong enough to bear your weight. And that's some stuff the new me learned about bones in medical school.