Michael J. Massimino - A View of the Earth

 

 

In 1984, I was a senior in college and I went to see the movie The Right Stuff. And a couple things really struck me in that movie. The first was the views out the window of John Glenn's spaceship, the view of the Earth, how beautiful it was on the big screen. I wanted to see that view. And secondly, the camaraderie between the original seven astronauts depicted in that movie, how they were good friends, how they stuck up for each other, how they would never let each other down. I wanted to be part of an organization like that. And it rekindled a boyhood dream that I had that had kind of gone dormant over the years. And that dream was to grow up to be an astronaut. And I just could not ignore this dream. I had to pursue it.

 

So, I decided I wanted to go to graduate school. And I was lucky enough to get accepted to MIT. And I went up to MIT with the intention of following this dream of space flight. And while I was at MIT, I started applying to NASA to become an astronaut. And I filled out my application and I received a letter that said they weren't quite interested. So, I waited a couple years and I was graduating from MIT and I sent in another application a second time a few years later, and they sent me back pretty much the same letter. So, I applied a third time, and this time I got an interview. So, they got to know who I was, and then they told me no. [audience laughter]

 

So, I applied a fourth time. And on April 22, 1996, I knew the call was coming, good or bad. And I pick up the phone and it's Dave Leestma, the head of flight crew operations at the Johnson Space Center in Houston. And I say, "Hello?" And he says, "Hey, Mike, this is Dave Leestma. How are you doing this morning?" And I said, "I really don't know, Dave. You're going to have to tell me." [audience chuckles] And he said, "Well, I think you're going to be pretty good after this phone call, because we want to make you an astronaut." Thirteen years after that, it's May 17, 2009, and I'm on space shuttle Atlantis about to go out and do a spacewalk on the Hubble Space Telescope. And our task that day was to repair an instrument that had failed. And this instrument was used by scientists to detect the atmospheres of far-off planets.

 

Planets and other solar systems could be analyzed using this spectrograph to see if we might find a planet that was Earth like, or a planet that could support life. And just when they got good at doing this, the power supply on this instrument failed. It blew. It wasn't working. So, the instrument could no longer be used. And there was no way really to replace this unit or to repair the instrument, because when they launched this thing and they got it ready for space flight, they really buttoned it up. They didn't want anybody to screw at this thing, whether you were on the ground or whether you were in space. It was buttoned up with an access panel that blocked the power supply that had failed. And this access panel had 117 small screws [audience chuckles] with washers. And just to play it safe, they put glue on the screw threads [audience chuckles] so they would never come apart. You know, it could withstand the space launch and there's no way we could get in to fix this thing. But we really wanted this capability back.

 

So, we started working, and for five years we designed the spacewalk. And we designed over 100 new space tools to be used. Great taxpayer expense, [audience chuckles] millions of dollars, thousands of people worked on this. And my buddy Mike Good, who we called Bueno, he and I were going to go out to do the spacewalk. I was going to be the guy actually doing the repair. And inside was my friend Drew Feustel, one of my best friends. He was inside. He's going to read me the checklist. And we had practiced for years and years for this.

 

And they built us our own practice instrument and gave us our own set of tools so we could practice in our office, in our free time, during lunch, after work, on the weekends. We became like one mind. He would say it, I would do it. We had our own language. And now's the day to go out and do this task. The thing I was most worried about leaving the airlock that day was my path to get to the telescope, because it was along the side of the space shuttle. And if you kind of look over the edge of the shuttle, it's kind of like looking over a cliff at that point with 350 miles to go down to the planet. [audience chuckles] 

 

And there were no good handrails when we're spacewalking, like to grab onto things in our space gloves and be nice and steady. But I got to this one area along the side of the shuttle, and there were no good handrails to grab. I had to grab like a wire or a hose or a knob or a screw. And I'm kind of a big goon and when there's no gravity, you can get a lot of momentum built up and I could go spinning off into space. [audience chuckles] And I knew I had a safety tether that would probably hold. But I also had a heart that I wasn't so sure about. [audience chuckles] So, I knew they would get me back. I just wasn't sure what they would get back on the end of the tether when they reeled me in.

 

So, I was really concerned about this. And I took my time, and I got through the treacherous path and out to the telescope. And the first thing I had to do was to pull off or remove a handrail from the telescope that was blocking the access panel. And there were two screws on the top, and they came off easily. And there was one screw on the bottom, right, and that came out easily. And the fourth screw is not moving. And my tool is moving, but the screw is not. And I look closer, and I realize it's stripped.

 

And I realize that the handrail is not coming off, which means I can't get to the access panel with these 117 screws that I've been worrying about for five years, [audience chuckles] which means I can't get to the power supply that failed, which means we're not going to be able to fix this instrument today, which means all these smart scientists can't find life on other planets and I'm to blame for this. [audience aww] And I could see what they would be saying in the science books of the future. This was going to be my legacy. I realized this, [audience chuckles] that my children and my grandchildren would read in their classrooms “We would know if there was life on other planets, but Gabby and Daniel's dad--” [audience laughter] My children would suffer from this. “Gabby and Daniel's dad broke the Hubble Space Telescope, and we'll never know.” [audience laughter] 

 

And through this nightmare that had just begun, I look at my buddy Bueno next to me in his spacesuit, and he's looking at me like, "Don't look at me." [audience chuckles] Bueno was a rookie, and his job was to basically hand me tools. This was my job to fix this thing. And then I turn and look into the cabin where my five astronaut friends, my crewmates were in there and I realized nobody in there has got a spacesuit on. They can't come out here and help me. And then I actually looked at the Earth. I looked at our planet, and I thought, "There are billions of people down there, but there's no way I'm going to get a house call on this one. [audience chuckles] No one can help me." And I felt this deep loneliness. And it wasn't just a Saturday afternoon with a book alone. [audience laughter]

 

I felt detached from the Earth. [audience chuckles] I felt that I was by myself. And everything that I knew and loved and that made me feel comfortable was far away. And then it started getting dark and cold. Because we travel 17,500 miles an hour. 90 minutes is of one lap around the Earth. So, it's 45 minutes of sunlight and 45 minutes of darkness. And when you enter the darkness, it is not just darkness. It's the darkest black I have ever experienced. It's like the absence of light. And it gets cold. And I could feel that coldness. And I could sense the darkness coming. That's where we were going to enter. And it just added to my loneliness.

 

And for the next hour or so, we tried all kinds of things. I was going up and down the space shuttle, trying to figure out where-- where I needed to go to get the next tool they wanted me to get to try to fix this problem and nothing was working. And then they called up after about an hour and 10 or 15 minutes of this, they said they wanted me to go to the front of the shuttle to a toolbox and get vice grips and tape. And I thought to myself, "We are running out of ideas.” [audience chuckles] I didn't even know we had tape on board. [audience chuckles] I'm going to be the first astronaut to use tape in space during a spacewalk. [audience laughter] But I followed directions. So, I get to the front of the space shuttle and I open up the toolbox and there's the tape.

 

And at that point, I was very close to the front of the orbiter, right by the cabin window. And I knew that my best pal was in there trying to help me out. And I could not stand to even think of looking at him because I felt so bad about the way this day was going, the way it turned out. Not like what we had thought about, but all the work he and I had put in. And I couldn't even stand to even think of looking up at him. But I realized that he's actually through the corner of my eye, through my helmet, just aside there, I can kind of see that he's trying to get my attention.

 

And I look up at him like this, and he's a little bit above me in the window, and he's just cracking up, smiling [audience chuckles] and giving me the okay sign. And I'm like, "Is there another spacewalk going on out here?" [audience laughter] And I really can't talk to him because if I say anything, the ground will hear. Houston will hear, the control center will hear. So, I'm kind of like playing charades with him. I'm like, "What are you, nuts?" And I expect him-- I didn't want to look because I thought what he was going to do. Instead of giving the okay sign, I thought he was going to give me the finger. [audience aww] Because I'm thinking he's going to go down in a history book with me. So, but he's saying, "No, we're okay. You just hang in there a little bit longer. We're going to make it through this. We're in this together. You're doing great. Just hang in there."

 

And if there was ever a time in my life that I needed a friend, it was at that moment. And there was my buddy, just like I saw in that movie, the camaraderie of those guys sticking together. And I didn't believe him at all. I figured we were really out of luck. But I said, "At least if I'm going down, I’m going down with my best pal." And as I turned to make my way back over the treacherous path one more time, Houston called up and told us what they had in mind. They wanted me to use that tape to take the bottom of the handrail and then see if I could yank it off the telescope.

 

And they said it was going to take about 60 pounds of force for me to do that. And Drew answers the call, and he goes, "60 pounds of force." And they call me Mass. It's short for my last name. He goes, "Mass, I think you got that in you. What do you think?" And I'm like, "You bet, Drew. Let's go get this thing." And I get back to the telescope, and I put my hand on that handrail, and the ground calls again, and they go, "Well, Drew, you guys are okay to do this, but right now, we don't have any downlink from Mike's helmet camera." I got these cameras mounted on my helmet so they can see everything I'm doing. It's kind of like your mom looking over your shoulder when you're doing your homework, you know? [audience chuckles] 

 

And they go, "We don't have any downlink for another three minutes, but we know we're running late on time here, so if you have to." And I'm saying, "Let's do it now while they can't watch." [audience laughter] Because the reason I'm taping this thing is there if any debris gets loose, they're going to get all worried, and it's going to be another hour and never fix this thing. We've been through enough already. So, I'm like, "Let's do it now while mom and dad aren't home. Let's have the party." [audience chuckles] So, I'm like, "Drew, I think we should do it now." Drew's like, "Go." And bam. That thing comes right off. And I pull out my power tool, and now I've got that access panel with those 117 little bitty screws with the washers and glue. And I'm ready to get each one of them.

 

And I pull the trigger on my power tool, and nothing happens. [audience chuckles] And I look, and I see that the battery is dead. [audience chuckles] And I turn my head to look at Bueno, who's in his spacesuit again, looking at me like, "What else can happen today?" [audience chuckles] I said, "Drew, the battery's dead in this thing. I'm going to go back to the airlock, and I'm going to swap out the battery, and I'm going to recharge my oxygen tank." Because by all this moving around, I had was getting low on oxygen. I needed to get a refill. And he said, "Go."

 

And I'm going back over that shuttle. And I noticed two things. One was that that treacherous path that I was so scaredy cat sissy pants about going over, it wasn't scary anymore that in the course of those couple hours of fighting this problem, I had gone up and down that thing about 20 times, and my fear had gone away, because there was no time to be a scaredy cat. It was time to get the job done. And what we were doing was more important than me being worried. And it was actually kind of fun going across that little jungle gym that I had back and forth over the shuttle. And the other thing I noticed is that I could feel the warmth of the sun. We were about to come into a day pass.

 

And the light in space, when you're in the sunlight is the brightest, whitest, purest light I have ever experienced. And it brings with it warmth. And I could feel that coming. And I actually started feeling optimistic. And sure enough, the rest of the spacewalk went well. We got all those screws out, new power supply, buttoned it up. They tried it. They turned it on from the ground. It all was working. The power supply was working. The instrument had come back to life. And at the end of that spacewalk, after about eight hours, I'm inside the airlock getting things ready for Bueno and I to come back inside. And my commander says, "Hey, Mass, you've got about 15 minutes before Bueno is going to be ready to come in. Why don't you go outside of the airlock and enjoy the view?"

 

So, I go outside, and I take my tether, and I clip it on a handrail, and I let go, and I just look. And the Earth, from our altitude at Hubble, we're 350 miles up. We can see the curvature. We can see the roundness of our home planet. And it's the most magnificent thing I've ever seen. It's like looking into heaven. It's like paradise. And I thought to myself, "This is the view that I imagined in that movie theater all those years ago." And as I looked at the Earth, I also noticed that I could turn my head and I could see the moon and I could see the stars and I could see the Milky Way galaxy. And I could see our universe. And I could turn back and I could see our beautiful planet.

 

And at that moment, it changed my relationship with the Earth. Because for me, the Earth was always a kind of a safe haven, where I could go to work or be in my home or take my kids to school. But I realized it really wasn't that. It really is its own spaceship. And I had always been a space traveler. And all of us here today, even tonight, we're on this Spaceship Earth amongst all the chaos of the universe whipping around the sun and around the Milky Way galaxy.

 

A few days later, we get back. Our families come to meet us at the airfield. And I'm driving home to my house with my wife and my kids in the backseat. And she starts telling me of what she was going through during that Sunday that I was spacewalking. And how she could tell, listening, watching the NASA television channel, how sad I was that she detected a sadness in my voice that she had never heard from me before. And it worried her until she heard me say, "For the love of Pete." And once she heard that, she knew everything was going to be okay. [audience chuckles] That's a line from Little Rascals. [audience chuckles] Anyway, so I thought, “Hey, I wish I would have known that when I was up there.” Because this loneliness that I felt, really. Carol was thinking about me the whole time. And we turned the corner to come down our block, and I could see my neighbors are outside. And they've decorated my house, and there's American flags everywhere. And my neighbor across the street is holding a pepperoni pizza and a six pack of beer. [audience chuckles] Two things that, unfortunately, we still cannot get in space. [audience laughter]

 

And I get out of the car, and they're all hugging me. I'm still in my blue flight suit, and they're hugging me and saying how happy they are to have me back and how great everything turned out. And I realized my friends, they were thinking about me the whole time. They were with me, too. The next day, we have a return ceremony. We make these speeches, these engineers who had worked all these years with us or trainers, the people that worked in the control center. They start telling me how they were running around crazy while I was up there in my little nightmare all alone, how they got the solution from the Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland, and how that team that was working on that Sunday figured out what to do. And they checked it out and they radioed it up to us. And I realized that at the time when I felt so lonely, that I felt detached from everyone else, literally, like I was away from the planet, that really I never was alone, that my family and my friends and the people I worked with, the people that I loved and the people that cared about me, they were with me every step of the way. Thank you.