Zakiya Minifee - A Little Lady in Red

 

 

At four years old, I was absolutely appalled by the uncomfortable sandals I had to wear with my flower girl outfit in my uncle's wedding. And at six, I, regardless of the weather, was moved to tears because of my anger at having to wear the itchy tights with my birthday girl dress, [audience laughter] because it did not go with the aesthetic of my outfit. 

 

This may sound all kind of crazy and a little bit of an oddity around fashion, but I 110% blame my mother. It is not my fault. She is the type that when we are in a store, when we are at an event, when we are watching an award show, loves to say, “Ooh, that dress lays perfectly, or that material looks cheap or the way those jeans are cut makes them look mass produced.” [audience laughter] That's the kind of mom that I have when it comes to fashion. 

 

So, there was a day when we were in a mall shopping for my sister's some event or another, and she's in the dressing room trying on her outfit. Thankfully, we’re by the kids’ section, so I got to go on a little adventure. As I'm looking through the racks, I find the sickest pair of pants I have ever seen in my entire life. They are pleather, ox, blood red bell bottoms. And they are in my size, so they're coming with me. I grabbed them right off the rack and I run with them to the dressing room to show my mom. I'm like, “Look at these thick pants.” She's like, “Yeah, you know, they're great, but they're pleather.” And they're cute. That's all that matters to me. 

 

She's like, “Well, pleather doesn't breathe. When it's hot, it's really hot. And when it's cold, it's freezing.” And I was like, “Well, I had to wear those uncomfortable sandals and those itchy tights, right?” Sometimes beauty is pain. You just got to do it. And to wrap it all up in a bow-- These pants were on sale. They were well within my nine-year-old budget, coming in at a smooth $8 [audience laughter] who wrap them up in a bow, they were meant for me. And then, when I was a little girl and still to this day, I have zero patience when it comes to new clothes in my closet. I am wearing them at the next available event, which at nine years old happened to be my next day of school. 

 

You couldn't tell me anything in those red pleather oxblood bell bottoms. And a nice cool off white sweater, I was killing the game. I still don't know if everybody else thought they were as cute as I thought they were, but it doesn't really matter. I had the best day of school. And it wasn't until B and A or before and after care when things started to go a little wrong, [audience laughter] because I am an athlete. I'm a hooper, I always love to play. And the boys were playing basketball in the gym. It was one of the rare days to be inside and they asked me if I wanted to play and I was like, “Yes, absolutely. Sign me up.” 

 

After about 30 minutes of ripping and running up and down the gym, I realized that I was hot. Like, very hot. Like, sweat dripping down the bottom of my pants onto the floor and in my legs type of hot. I just could not wrap my head around this type of heat. So, I decided to waddle, run my way into the bathroom, which thankfully was single use. I made the executive decision that I was like, “They just got to come off.” Like, I'm taking them all the way off. I'm going to do like a pat down dry. I'm going to let them air dry. We're just going to have a moment [audience laughter] to collect ourselves and come back peacefully. 

 

So, my mother had told me that pleather doesn't breathe, “When it's hot, it’s hot. When it's cold, it’s cold.” Well, what she did not mention, is that when pleather is wet and hot, it can shrink. [audience laughter] So, these dope oxblood red pleather bell bottoms that had been fitting me like a glove all day would not make it up past my thighs when I was ready to leave the bathroom. [audience laughter] And in all of these lessons that I had learned about fashion and style from my mother, none of them had prepared me for what you do when you are half undressed in a public bathroom and need to leave. 

 

So, as the adults who are monitoring VNA as they should come by and knock on the door. “Z, you okay?” “Yes, I'm fine. Everything's good.” 10 minutes later, “Z, are you sure you're okay? I don't know if it was by fate or magic or my tears that made the pants expand just enough for me to get into them. And might I add, they never really dried. They were still quite damp. It was a terrible experience putting them back on. [audience laughter] But my mom showed up at the end of the day and I waddle, ran my way out to the car and there were the most beautiful, smooth, butter comfortable cotton sweatpants waiting for me in the backseat of that car. [audience laughter] And let me tell you, friends, if you learned nothing else, check the weather, check the environment of your event, know how your fabrics breathe [audience laughter] and dress accordingly.