Host: Sarah Austin Jenness

[Uncanny Valley theme music by The Drift playing]

Sarah: [00:00:12] This is The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Sarah Austin Jenness. This is our annual December holiday episode. We have stories of feasts, traditions, celebrating, not celebrating, connecting with family and friends, and just wanting to be alone. Six stories that explore the mixed emotions that come with this last month in the year.

[murmuring]

Our first storyteller is Moth veteran Peter Aguero. Peter calls this story Me and Mama versus Christmas. Lots of people go overboard at Christmas. It's a time of excess. The decorations and the gifts and the food. But what if money is tight? Peter told this story at a Moth night we produced [applause] in partnership with West Virginia Public Radio. Here's Peter Aguero.

Peter: [00:01:02] So, I just finished my first semester of college, and I have a big bag of laundry. And I come through the door of the house and things aren't looking too good for me and my mom. The first thing I notice is that the piano is gone. She had that ever since she was a little girl and took piano lessons. We always put the nativity on top of it around Christmas time.  I took piano lessons for two weeks, but I still took piano lessons on that piano, and that's gone. I go through the living room, and the only thing that's left is just one couch that's with broken springs sticking out of it. There are two televisions, one on top of the other. One has picture that works and one has sound that works. [audience chuckles] 

Over in the corner are the impressions still from my dad's La-Z-Boy. Dad has been gone for four years now. And that's the only furniture in the room. I go upstairs. The dining room's empty. There used to be this big, beautiful dining room set with carved chairs and a glass breakfront and a buffet table, and that's gone. In the kitchen, there's the kitchen set. There's two chairs, there used to be four, but I broke one of them. And the other chair I also broke. [audience chuckles] And there's only two left. And I go upstairs to the bedrooms, and in my mom's room there's nothing left but her mattress on the floor.

 And there's nothing quite as damning as a bedroom without furniture because you see all the dings and the scratches in the wallpaper, like all the mistakes that can usually be covered up, but you see them all now. My sister's room is exactly the way it looked when she moved out to go live with my dad. It's Pepto-Bismol pink walls and a canopy bed and this big toy box in the shape of a rubber strawberry as if she was going to move back and be the little girl that she was before she moved out. My room looks exactly the way it was when I left, there are posters all over the walls and it's ridiculous like me.

So, I start to do my laundry and my mom comes home from work and she immediately takes over. Doesn't let me do it myself and I end up helping her with it. She's happy to see me. She's happy that I'm home.  When we're done that, we go up to have dinner. My mom makes tomato casseroles. It was one of my favorite things. It was canned tomatoes with cubes of Wonder Bread and American cheese baked in the oven. And if you put enough shaky cheese on, it's delicious. [audience chuckles] 

So, we're sitting there in the two kitchen chairs and I'm telling her all about my first semester of college and how it finished up. And she's so proud of me. She's telling me about work. My mom's a nurse and she's been taking all of the shifts that she can, but she had warned me that she was starting to have to sell stuff in the house to be able to catch up on the bills. Because the house was too big for the two of us. Now that I was away at school, it was just her. So, she was doing everything she could. She warned me, but it was still shocking.

She had just taken a second job, a part-time seasonal job at the mall behind the perfume counter. My mom didn't like people telling her what to do. So, I knew that wasn't going to last very long. And while we're sitting there at dinner, she tells me that, "Pete, we're not going to have a lot of money this year for Christmas. So, I don't think we're going to be able to give each other presents." And I said, "That's okay, mom." And I'm being completely honest. I'm just happy to be home with her. I don't need anything. And that's the truth.

We sit there eating quietly for a minute. And then she says, "You know, it'd be funny. What if we cut out pictures of things from magazines that we would give to each other if we could?" And we laughed about it and then we cried about it because it's really sad. [chuckles] It's a really sad thing. But then we laughed again because, man, like, no matter how hard things are, you just have to laugh. The next day, I decide I want to make the house look as Christmasy as possible. I go up to the attic, and I get the boxes down at the lights, and I hang the lights in the bushes out front and around the gutters. I want to go get a Christmas tree.

I grew up in a little, small town in New Jersey called Delanco. It was a little small town, 2,500 people, mostly farms.  At that time, there wasn't Walmart or big stores or anything. So, I went over to the local Christmas tree farm to get a Christmas tree. I figured they'd give me a deal because I used to date their daughter. But turns out they didn't give me a deal because I used to date their daughter. [audience chuckles] Christmas tree was like $40, man. I couldn't afford that. So, I went back home and I got an old saw out of the garage, and I cut out a tree from the side yard and I brought it in. It wasn't even like a pine tree. It was like a stunted maple tree and [audience chuckles] I put it in the tree holder, had like, five branches. I put 20 ornaments on each branch and just kind of put the lights on it and called it a day. And that's-- my mom came home from work, and she just laughed about it.

When I was visiting my friends who were also home from college, I would steal their mom's fancy catalogs and bring them home and cut out pictures of stuff. My mom always wanted a green Jaguar convertible. I found a picture of one of those. I cut her out pictures of gold and diamonds and jewelry, an island. All these things that I would love to be able to give my mom for Christmas. And, as I was doing it, I knew it was sad. It was like a sad thing to do. But I kept collecting them and folding them up and tying them up with ribbons and hiding them in my room. And I was waiting to put them under the tree. And like I said it was a sad thing, but I knew it was something that would bring us together. I knew it was something that we would always be able to hold onto. It was something that we would be able to hold onto together.

There was one night toward the end of December, close to Christmas, when we're sitting there in the living room watching the TVs and the Charlie Brown Christmas special is on. One of the TVs hooked up the cable, and the other one gets the antenna so the sound doesn't quite jibe up. And we're sitting there just right next to each other on the couch. We're worlds apart. My mom's exhausted. I've been trying to get her to sell the house for years because I knew it was just too big for her to be in by herself. It was too big for the two of us to be there. If I'm being honest, it was too big when all four of us were living there. I don't know why they got it in the first place, but four years before that, my parents, who had been separated on and off the whole time that they were married, they were giving it one last try. And the plan was that they were going to sell the house and take the money, and we are going to move to Georgia from Jersey and have a fresh start and that was the big plan. And it went along okay for a couple of weeks. And then somebody just came in and poured the eggshells all over the floor again. And they started to fight, and things were back to normal. And that fresh start never really happened.

And it culminated with the four of us, in the third pew at St. Casimir's Church in Riverside, New Jersey, for Christmas Eve midnight Mass and right before the priest started the mass in the packed church, my dad stood up and he walked out of the church. And the only sound you could hear in the silent church was the hydraulic door just go shoom. And the four of us-- the three of us left, stood up and went outside past the priest and everyone we knew, and we walked the two blocks to where the car was parked. And my dad was nowhere to be found, but he left the keys of the car on the hood. And that year, my parents were done. That was it. I got what I wanted for Christmas that year. My parents never got back together.

So, here we are now today, the two of us sitting on this couch and trying to watch this thing and let us be happy or something. And she's a million miles away. It's all killing her. Trying to pay the bills, trying to keep it together. She did everything she could to try to keep the house so there would be some semblance of normalcy to the outside world. I know that she took a big hit on her pride. She's a very prideful woman and I knew that when everyone that she knew in her life saw our family disintegrate that midnight Mass, I knew that it was just ripping her apart, but she was trying to keep the house together. And she was a million miles away. My mom was my best friend. It was the two of us, man. She was my partner. She was like my road dog. It was like me and her against the world. And, like, being there with her and having her be a million miles away was killing me. Just like I knew this house was killing her, too.

It got to be Christmas Eve, and my buddy Brian came over and picked me up and went to a different church for midnight Mass. When you're under 21, you can't go to a bar, so you go see your friends at Mass. [audience chuckles] And we split a jug of wine in the parking lot and we went. And the Mass was awesome. [audience laughter] It was pretty great. And afterwards, I come home, and the next morning, I wake up, and it's Christmas morning. So, I go and I gather up all the little pictures of the gifts that I want to give to my mother, all wrapped up and tied in ribbon, and I put them under the tree. And I hear my mom stirring upstairs and she comes downstairs. And her hair's in corkscrews and she's got this big flannel housecoat on and her big red plastic Sally Jessy Raphael morning glasses [audience chuckles] with the broken ear thing on the side taped up.

And I say, "Merry Christmas, mom." And she goes, "Oh, honey. Oh, hold on." And she goes upstairs, and she's upstairs for a minute, and then she comes back down and she has a few--, and I give hers first. And there's the Jaguar and the jewelry and the island and a picture of a baby grand piano and a picture of a new dining room set [sobs] and a picture of a new mahogany bedroom set. All these things I wish I could replace for her and she's smiling and laughing the whole time. And then when it's all done, she gives me mine. And there's three of them. There's a picture of a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups. [audience chuckles] There's a picture of a pair of Homer Simpson slippers, [audience chuckles] and there's a picture of a karaoke machine. And they were all from the same Rite Aid catalog that was up in her bathroom because she had completely forgotten about this thing [audience laughter] that I thought was going to [chuckles] bring us together because she was working so hard. So, we're stuck in the middle of this O. Henry story that he never should have written. [audience laughter] And I thank her so much for the gifts.

And we go upstairs, and my mom makes the best pancakes in the world. You might think your mom does, but I'm so sorry, you're wrong. [audience laughter] My mom made the pancakes, but this morning she burned them a little bit. I'm sitting in the kitchen eating these pancakes, cutting around the burnt pieces. I'm looking out through our backyard at everybody else's houses. All the light in their houses looks like orange and colorful and friendly with all these people, and our house just feels empty and stark and white and the fluorescent light eating these pancakes in silence together, the two of us. A couple months later, she finally did send me my present. I was back in college.  I had, man-- I had taken out all the tuition and loans and we couldn't afford it otherwise, but it was important to her that I go. I had just finished a day of classes and I was heading to the dining hall and I stopped over to check my mail.

Remember mail? When people used to send mail? And I open up the mailbox and there's an envelope with my mother's postmark on it. And I take it up and I fill up my-- into the dining hall and I fill up my tray with too much food, because that's what you do. And I go over to a table and I sit down. And before I start eating, I open up that envelope and inside there's no note. There's just one photograph. It's of her standing in front of the house with a “For Sale” sign. And the house sold pretty quickly. And she got it, she offloaded it, and she took a little bit of a hit financially and she took a bigger hit on her pride and she moved into a much smaller place that she could afford. It hurt her-- I know it hurt her and it took a big hit. But the most important thing to me was right then, we're looking at that picture. I got my girl back. Thank you.

[applause]

Sarah: [00:12:57] [All I Want For Christmas by Melody Creators playing] That was Peter Aguero. Peter says at the moment he's most likely to be found making pottery and listening to The Allman Brothers. Peter makes his home in Queens with his wife Sarah, and his mom is now happily married too. As for Christmas traditions, Peter and his mom now do breakfast with as many meats as possible. Last year, Peter says, “Mom made a seven-meat breakfast and it was pretty awesome.” [murmuring] Tracey Segarra is our next storyteller. She won an open mic Moth StorySLAM in New York where we partner with public radio station WNYC. And that win earned her a spot in a GrandSLAM, [cheers and applauses] which is where this story was told. The theme of the night was Growing Pains. Here's Tracey, live at The Moth.

Tracey: [00:13:50] It's 1996 and I'm on an express bus from the Bronx heading into Manhattan to go wedding dress shopping with my future mother-in-law. I'm not looking forward to this because she and I are not exactly friends. Rita and I come from very different worlds. She is this Sicilian from the Bronx, a waitress and a secretary and a Jehovah's Witness-- devout Jehovah's Witness, this strange religion I know nothing about. And I'm this middle-class Jew from Long Island. So, when I start dating her son, a lapsed Jehovah's Witness who she dearly would like to come back into the fold, she and I kind of circle each other warily. And we are polite, but cold.

But when Fred and I decide to get married, I realized that I should make some effort to get to know this woman who's going to be part of my life. So, here we are. And the ride down is very uncomfortable. She and I have never been alone in a room together, so it's very awkward. But when we get to the bridal salon and I start trying on all these gowns, she tells me I look beautiful in every single one, which is a complete lie, [chuckles] but the sweetest of lies. And I feel myself starting to soften towards her. And then afterwards, when we get back to the Bronx and it's time to say goodbye, she suddenly grabs me and she gives me a hug. And it's the kind of hug that tells me how much it must have meant to her that I invited her to do this with me. And it breaks open a place in my heart for her. And we start to become friends.

And over the next two years, we bond over the two things that Rita loves the most, eating and shopping. Nobody can devour a lobster like Rita Romeo. [audience chuckle] And she doesn't care where she shops. It could be a dollar store, a hardware store, although dollar stores are her favorites. She just loves to shop. But then when my twin daughters are born in 2000, she is my savior. I'm so overwhelmed by these creatures and every Friday she comes out from the Bronx and she spends the weekend with us. And when I hear that screen door open each Friday, it's like the cavalry has arrived and I can finally breathe. And she absolutely adores her granddaughters, but she is not your typical cookie-baking grandma, she's a Sicilian from the Bronx. And one year when the girls are about two or three, I hear her talking to them in the other room, and I hear her say, "Oh, I love you so much, I just want to punch you." [audience laughter] 

But she also has her tender side. And once when we go to visit them in the Bronx, I notice that she's been stealing things from the girls, like little things, like a stuffed animal or a barrette. And I can't figure out why until it dawns on me that she literally wants something of theirs to hold onto when she can't be with them. When the girls are about four, I send out holiday cards every year. Usually just season's greetings cards, but this year I decided to send out a Hanukkah card. The girls are getting a little older. I'm starting to think about sending them to Hebrew school. But I don't send it to Rita because Witnesses don't celebrate holidays. But I do send it to Fred's aunt, who lives near them in the Bronx and likes to display the cards.

And about a week later, Fred gets a call from his mother and she tells him that since we've decided to raise our daughters as Jews, that she can no longer be part of our lives. And I'm shocked because she and I have never discussed religion, so I had no idea she might feel this way. And then I'm hurt because this is me, how could she do this to me? And then I get angry because this has to be the most anti-Semitic thing that's ever happened to me, and this is my family. But then I think, she's just in shock. She'll get over it. She'll call me, she'll apologize, and everything will be fine. And so, I wait. But after four weeks of waiting, it's clear. She's not calling. And so, then I dig in and I say, "You know what? If she cannot accept us and how we're going to raise our daughters, then I don't want her in my life." And I'm done.

And months pass. But about nine months later, a new dollar store opens up in my neighborhood and I think of Rita, and I want to call her. And the urge to call her is just so strong that I pick up the phone. I have no idea what I'm going to say and she answers on the first ring. "Hi," I say. "It's Tracey." "Hi," she says. "I miss you" I say. "I miss you, too," she says. And just like that, it's over. We never discuss it. We just step over that time in our lives as if it never happened. And over the next seven years, she becomes my second mother. In 2011, Rita passes away and I miss her. I miss her every day. But I think about what we almost missed. Like that time when the girls were five and they had their first and only ballet recital where they proved that they are much more adept at pratfalls than graceful pirouettes. Or the time when they were eight and we told ghost stories around their fireplace. I know I would have been justified all those years ago in keeping Rita out of my life. What she did was hurtful and cruel and it was wrong. But in the end, I decided I didn't want to stand on my principles if it meant I had to stand there all alone.

At the end of her life, I go to visit Rita because I need to tell her how much she meant to me and what an impact she had on my life. And she tries to say something back, but she's wearing an oxygen mask and it's really difficult to understand her and then the moment is just gone. I don't know what she wanted to tell me, but I'd like to think that it was some variation of "I love you so much, I just want to punch you." [audience laughter]

[cheers and applauses] 

Sarah: [00:19:57] That was Tracey Segarra at the Moth GrandSLAM. [Flower Duet from Lakmé by Modern Mandolin Quartet playing] Tracey is a former wire service reporter turned marketer. In her free time, she hosts and produces her own Long Island based storytelling show, Now You're Talkin'. Tracey said “Rita was a hell of a woman. I wished she had lived to see her granddaughters grow up.” Tracey and her daughters celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas. They light candles every night of Hanukkah and every Christmas they exchange gifts and have a traditional dinner. They also like to bake unique holiday treats. To see a photo of one of their creations, reindeer pretzel cupcakes and a photo of Rita with her granddaughters, go to themoth.org. [music continues] When we come back. We try to escape the holidays with a trip to Puerto Vallarta. Stay tuned.

Jay: [00:21:05] The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by the Public Radio Exchange, prx.org.

Sarah: [00:22:17] This is The Moth Radio Hour. I'm Sarah Austin Jenness and I'm your host. Welcome back to our annual December Holiday Anti-Holiday episode. I say anti holiday because there are lots of people listening who don't celebrate the holidays in December in the traditional sense. They escape the typical trappings of this month, maybe in favor of rest and rejuvenation in a far-off land. Our next story is all about that. Steve Glickman told it at a Moth StorySLAM in Chicago [cheers and applauses] where we partner with public radio station WBEZ. The theme of the night was Refuge. Here's Steve live at The Moth.

Steve: [00:22:57] It's Christmas Eve in 2005 and I am packed and ready to go to Puerto Vallarta. My flight leaves in 12 hours and I cannot wait to get out of Chicago. It's been an awful year. I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years and I've been living in a fog. Months of therapy, sleepless nights. Just the worst year ever. But somehow, I made it to Christmas Eve, and I am ready to reboot my life, starting now. I cannot wait to get to that beautiful beach in Puerto Vallarta and order a piña colada served out of a coconut [audience chuckles] and kiss this awful year goodbye.

I'm packed and ready to go. All I need is my passport. I look in my desk drawer. Not there. I look in my file cabinet. Not there. I look in my bedroom closet, my dresser, the kitchen cabinets. Not there. Where the fuck is my passport? Then I panic. I ransack my apartment, going from room to room, emptying every drawer, every closet, every cabinet, and I throw its contents on the floor where I can see it all clearly. I get down on my hands and knees and I'm sifting through the piles of stuff like a crazed burglar. And after I've turned my apartment upside down for hours. Nothing. Where the fuck is my passport?

It's after midnight and I'm exhausted, sitting on my bedroom floor, staring at all the piles of junk. I say to myself out loud, as calmly as possible, "I've lost my passport. I've looked everywhere I know of, but it's gone. [audience chuckles] I am not going to Puerto Vallarta for Christmas." And then I cry. The next morning, I make a pot of coffee and I contemplate how I might spend Christmas week in Chicago. [audience chuckles] I can't visit my family. They're not in town. I can't visit my friends because they all think I'm in Puerto Vallarta, and that's what I want them to think. [audience chuckles] I boasted to everyone that I was going to spend Christmas week on the beach in Mexico, and they could all have their white Christmas in Chicago. I told my coworkers. I told my volleyball team. I told George, the star hitter on my volleyball team, [audience chuckles] who is a dreamboat and who I have a crush on.

I can't fathom telling them I lost my passport. [audience chuckles] I will never hear the end of it. I feel like the biggest loser ever. I just can't catch a break. And then I get an idea. I hide out in my apartment all week long. [audience chuckles] I spend my time watching movies and reading Mexico travel blogs. [audience chuckles] When I leave the apartment, I wear sunglasses and a hoodie because I'm incognito. [audience laughter] And I leave for only two reasons. To go to the grocery store or to the tanning salon. [audience laughter] I love the tanning salon. I love lying on the tanning bed in my Speedo, grooving to my playlist, surrounded by the gentle warmth and humming of the UV lights as they slowly cook my skin to a deep golden brown. [audience chuckles] And when I close my eyes, it feels just like I'm lying on that beautiful beach in Puerto Vallarta. [audience chuckles] 

The first week in January, we have volleyball practice and I show up at the gym armed with a deep tan and stories from the Mexico travel blogs. [audience laughter] I scan the gym for my team, and then I spot dreamboat George. I'm nervous, and part of me wants to walk out of that gym and go back into hiding for the rest of winter. But I know that won't solve anything. I know I have to get out there and live in the world, meet people and take risks, even if I don't feel like it. That's what all the self-help books say. [audience laughter] And so I walk up to dreamboat George with a smile on my face. And he smiles right back. And he says, "So how was Puerto Vallarta?" I say, "Muy bueno. [audience laughter] The weather was perfect, the beaches were fantastic, and oh, the food. So, mucho delicioso." [audience laughter]

As I'm talking, I'm thinking, “Is he buying this bullshit?” [audience chuckles] I study his face for signs of doubt, and I can't really be sure, but I think he might be. My other teammates gather around and I tell them the same story. And every time I tell it, I get more confident and I add more details, like a snorkeling trip and a sunset cruise. Suddenly I realize I'm actually pretty good at this. [audience chuckles] Dreamboat George says, "I'm so jealous," which are the words I long to hear. I simply smile and nod. I sat on this secret for 11 years. [audience laughter] Over time, I got my confidence back. I got a new boyfriend. And we've traveled a bit, but never to Puerto Vallarta because I don't like to repeat. [audience laughter] So, last December, I was cleaning out my bedroom closet and I reach in and I pull out a ratty old jacket. And just as I'm throwing it in the trash, I feel something hard in the breast pocket. So, I reach in and I pull out my fucking passport. [laughter]

[cheers and applause]

[Puerto Vallarta by Proyecto Solo playing]

Sarah: [00:29:17] That was Steve Glickman. Steve has no pictures from his failed vacation, of course, but in the spirit of second chances, you can visit our website, themoth.org to see a picture of him on a successful vacation with his boyfriend. He's never misplaced his passport again. Our next storyteller is Dawn Fraser. Dawn is one of the instructors in our community program. She travels around the world with The Moth workshopping personal stories with all sorts of community groups. This story was recorded in Kampala, Uganda, in an intimate setting where women shared stories for the first time. There were only about 20 people in the room. Here's Dawn Fraser at The Moth in Uganda.

Dawn: [00:29:59] Okay, so many of you know that my family comes from Trinidad and Tobago. My family came through New York and then moved to California in the United States. So, when I moved to New York, I totally expected that I would be able to be free to meet other first-generation Trinidadians and just have a good time. But my first year in New York, my mom calls me up and she's like, "Donny, you're coming home for Christmas." And I was like, "Yes, I'm coming home for Christmas. What's up?" She's like, "Well, I need you to do me a favor." And I was like, [audience chuckles] "Okay, well, what do you want me to do?"

So, she's like, "First you're going to go run down to Nostrand Avenue." And Nostrand Avenue is like where all the Trinidadians live. She's like, "Go run down to Nordstrom Avenue. You're going to pick up 12 Jamaican patties, okay? Six chicken, six beef. Then you're going to go pick up 12 roti—12-roti skin, okay? Bring these 12 roti skins, bring these 12 Jamaican patties, and bring some saltfish back with you from New York to California." [audience chuckles] I was like, "Wait, what? Like, why? Why would I do that? [audience chuckles] Why? That makes no sense." And she said, "Well, don't you want a Caribbean Christmas in California?" I was like, "Yeah, well you can-- want a Caribbean Christmas in California." She's like, "Well, then bring the food, nah mam” [audience laughter] I was like, "Okay."

But I was mad because I had this suitcase-- in my suitcase-- I'm going from New York to California, so it's going to be warm. I just have my flip-flops, my tank tops. But now I have to take all this stuff out of my bag to pack all this other stuff for my mom. So, I'm just aggravated. So, I pack all the food, the salt fish, the roti, all the kind of stuff, and I bring the stuff to California so we could have a Caribbean Christmas. And I get there and I was like, "Mom, you know there are Black people in California, right? [chuckles] You know, I can go to Oakland and go get some saltfish and some roti." She's like, "No, no but it's not the same. We want the good, authentic stuff from New York." [audience laughter] And I was like, "Really? Okay, whatever. Whatever" And then we have a good feast and we live it up.

The next year, my mom calls me up again and she's like, "Dawn, you're coming home for Christmas?" And I was like, "Yes, I'm coming home for Christmas. Why, what's up?" She's like, "Well, I need you to do me a favor." [audience chuckles] I'm like, "Okay, what do you need me to do this time?" She's like, "Well, this year we're going to go to Trinidad for Christmas, okay?" And I was like, "Oh, sweet." So, I'm thinking to myself, this is awesome. I don't need to bring any type of roti. I don't need to bring any saltfish; I don't need any Jamaican patties. I was like, "Okay, cool, cool. What do you need me to do?" She says, "Go run down to the Pathmark, okay? The supermarket ang go, go pick up a 30-pound turkey, okay? [audience laughter] [chuckles] You're going to take this turkey, you're going to put it in the freezer and you're going to deep freeze this turkey, all right? You're going to bring this turkey with you from New York to Trinidad.” And I was like, "Wait, what? [audience chuckles] There's no turkeys in Trinidad?" She's like, "You don't want a good big Caribbean Trinidadian turkey for Christmas?" And I was like, "Well, yes, I want a big Trinidadian, I guess. Well, whatever." She's like, "Then bring the turkey." And I was like, [audience chuckle] "Mom, Mom, seriously, this sounds like foul play, okay? [audience laughter] Like, this is like literally like crossing the line. And is this legal?" She's like, "Just bring it. Just bring it."

So, I take this turkey and I put it in my freezer and [chuckles] I deep freeze it for about two weeks. And then the day comes where I'm flying off to Trinidad for Christmas and it's wrapped up in all this foil, all this aluminum, all this type of stuff, and I throw it on my backpack. My mom lives in this little, little tiny village way in the corner of Tobago. And so in order to get there, I first have to fly from JFK airport to Miami airport, from Miami airport to Trinidad's airport. To Trinidad airport, a little two-propeller jet, into Tobago. I'm going through this process and I still got this 30-pound turkey on my bag. But as I get to Trinidad's immigration, I'm starting to drip [audience awe] and I don't know if this is going to work. So, I am looking at the immigration official and he says to me, "Ma'am, you have anything to declare?" And I'm thinking, “Okay, I don't know if I need to declare a turkey.” So, I say “No.” He's like, "Okay." I got on the other little two-propeller jet. I get to Tobago. Turkey's dripping, dripping, dripping, dripping. I'm like, “This is just going to be a wreck.”

It would take two hours to get to my mom's little village in Charlotteville. I'm there, I'm happy. I was like, I've gone this long, extensive trip to bring this turkey. I get there, I was like, "Mom, here it is. Your turkey has arrived. It's here, it's here." She's like, "Oh, good. Go put it in the freezer. Quick, quick, because everybody's waiting. Your sister, she brought the ham. And your cousin, he brought the three-layer cake." I was like, "Wait, the three-layer cake from where?" She's like, "Oh, he just brought it from Florida. And he put it up in the [laughs] area above in the plane." And I was like, "So wait, I brought a turkey. My cousin brought this three-layer cake. My sister brought this ham." And here I was thinking that I was going to be saving the day with my big old turkey. [audience chuckles] And that's when it hit me that all these years of traveling back and forth with food and all this stuff wasn't a pain. It was just something that, I guess that our family did. We just travel with food. [audience laughter] That's what we do, I guess, as a family, as a Fraser, this is what I'm expected to do.

So, last year, when I was returning to California for Christmas, when my mom called me up and she's like, "You coming home for Christmas?" I was like, "Yes, I'm coming home for Christmas." And I looked down at my suitcase. It was empty and ready to be filled with whatever food she needed. [cheers and applause] 

Sarah: [00:36:26] [joyful music playing] Dawn Fraser is an instructor in The Moth Community program. She's also a communications coach and the host of the podcast Barbershop Stories. When I told Dawn that this story was included in our holiday hour, she said the timing couldn't be better. She had just traveled to Florida with her sister's wedding cake. To see photos of Dawn's family Christmas in Trinidad and Tobago, including the turkey she brought that year plus the roti, pigs feet, patties, and other Caribbean goodies she brought the next year, and for other stories from The Moth Community program, go to themoth.org. After our break, our last two stories. The Jewish tradition of asking for what you want twice and the sheer stress of planning your first kiss on New Year's Eve when The Moth Radio Hour continues.

Jay: [00:37:24] The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by the Public Radio Exchange, prx.org.

[joyful guitar music playing]

Sarah: [00:38:37] [crowd murmuring] I'm Sarah Austin Jenness, and you're listening to The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. We're up to our last two stories as part of this December special. No matter what our plans are in the next few weeks, December can remind us of family and friends who have died, and that's bittersweet. Evan Lunt told this next story at a Moth SLAM in Boston, [cheers and applause] where we partner with public radio station WBUR and PRX, the Public Radio Exchange. The theme was Wonders. Here's Evan Lunt live at The Moth.

Evan: [00:39:13] Now, I am not religious at all. My mother's Jewish. My father's a nice little goyim. I was a nice mix. They said, "You can do whatever you want." And I said, "Great. I choose neither. I'm going to choose the holidays that have the best food." So Lent was out the window, Yom Kippur was out the window. [audience laughter] But my grandmother, on the other hand, Elizabeth Tobkis, she was very religious. She was the nice Jew that had the latke in her pocket when we went through her clothes after she died, and we found. [audience chuckles] We were expecting to find money, we were expecting fine jewelry, but we found an old latke. [audience chuckles] And it was great.

We would visit her in the nursing home and she would celebrate the holidays with us, and she would celebrate all of the little--, we'd have Hanukkah celebration with her. We'd have a Passover Seder. She wouldn't remember who I was, but we'd have Passover Seder with her. And that continued. Then I had her menorah. And one day I said, "Mom, can I take this menorah to college with me?" And she looked at me, she said, "Absolutely not. This is in my family for too long. You can't take it with you." And I said, "Mom, can I?" It's tradition in the Jewish faith, in case you're not familiar, you ask twice. [audience laughter] And I said, "Mom, can I please take this menorah to college with me?" And she said, "Fine. I'm going to wrap it up all nice. I'm going to put it in a little box, and you're not going to touch it until Hanukkah." I said, "Okay, fine."

So, Hanukkah comes around. This is now last year around-- Hanukkah was late last year, it was around Christmas time. So, my house that I lived in with eight other people was mostly Christians. So, we had a Christmas tree. And I said, "Okay, I'm going to Jew this up a little bit. [audience chuckles] I'm going to put the menorah right next to the Christmas tree, right in the window on the second floor so everyone else on the street can see it." And I said, "My grandmother would love this. It's her menorah. She would love this." And each night I would go up and I would walk upstairs because I lived on the first floor, and I'd light the menorah. And first night went by, great. Second night went by, great. Haven't burned anything down. This was an old house. Third night goes by, great.

Fourth night comes and I'm feeling a little down. This was-- Senior year of college was a little rough for me, as I'm sure it's a little rough for most people. You're writing thesis, you're dealing with relationships. It's a time. [audience chuckles] And I'm lighting the menorah, and I say, "All right, you know what? Here's something I haven't done in a long time. In fact, my entire life. I'm going to pray."

And I do my little-- I sing the song to no one. There's no one there. Everyone's doing their own thing, [audience chuckles] but I'm going to sing it to myself and then to my grandmother. God bless. [audience laughter] And I say, "All right. I'm going to pray." And I say, "All right." I get--. I'm not on my knees because it's a dirty floor. [audience laughter] But I'm going to sit down in my chair and I say, "All right. How do I start? Elizabeth?" No, that's too formal. "Grandma, can you hear me?" And I say, "I'm going to light my candles for you tonight." And I'm going through, and I'm lighting the candles, and it's the fourth night, so you light five candles. And I'm going through the prayer, and I say, "Grandma, can you hear me?" And I look out and looking out the window, nothing. It's cloudy looking out the window. Maybe I'll see something. Is there a cat? No. She liked cats. [audience chuckles]

I'm sitting there, and I'm just looking at the candles, and they're flickering and they're flickering, and all of a sudden, they go out. I'm like, “That was weird. There's no wind. I'm inside. There shouldn't be a draft. I paid rent this month.” [audience chuckles] And I say, "Grandma, is that you?" And there's a knock on the door. I'm like, “That's weird.” Again, I paid rent this month. There shouldn't be a knock on the door. [audience chuckles] Shouldn't be anyone coming for me, I promise. And I go down and there's no one there. And I come back up and it turns out one candle had stayed lit. And it's the shammash, which is the candle that you light all the other candles with. And that was the night I realized my grandmother was still with me. Thank you.

[cheers and applauses] 

[One Voice by Nigel Kennedy and The Kroke Band playing]

Sarah: [00:43:40] That was Evan Lunt. Evan is a chemistry student at the University of Pennsylvania. Outside of the lab, he likes playing cello, doing crossword puzzles, and finding other people's dogs to pet. He celebrates Hanukkah every year now, and he keeps the tradition of putting his grandmother's menorah out. [music continues] Our final story starts in December, but ends in January. Making New Year's plans is a little stressful. And if you add to that a budding new relationship and plotting a first kiss. Yikes. Bernie Somers told this at a romance-themed SLAM in Los Angeles [audience applause] where we partner with public radio station KCRW. Here's Bernie live at The Moth.

Bernie: [00:44:28] So, I met this girl and I really liked her. [chuckles] She was kind of a nerd, but nice. Like a nice, nerdy little girl. I asked her on a date. On our first date, we had a wonderful time, but I didn't kiss her. I didn't even try to kiss her because on the first day I just like to talk and listen and get to know the person. And then I asked her on a second date. Now, the second date is when I usually go in for the kill [audience laughter] and I will attempt to kiss goodnight. But on our second date, I took her to this Italian restaurant and whatever I had, had so much onion and garlic in it that a Tic Tac would have just suffocated in my mouth. [audience chuckles] So, I just, I didn't kiss her goodnight. I just sort of hugged her goodnight.

And then I asked her on the third date and I thought, “I got to kiss her tonight. I mean, if I don't kiss her tonight, she's going to think I'm the shy, insecure coward”, which I am. [audience chuckles] But I don't want her to know that. So, on our third date, I took her to this jazz club. And this jazz club was like this dark, intimate club. And it was a couple days after Christmas with these pretty Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling, and her and I were sharing this cozy booth and it was just perfect moment to share our first kiss. It was very romantic. In fact, the piano player at the bar was singing the song Isn't It Romantic? He was like, "Isn't it romantic, to be young on a night like this? Isn't it romantic? If you know this song is like a lover's kiss, [audience chuckles] sweet symbols in the moonlight. [audience laughter] Do you think that I might fall in love perchance? Isn't it romantic?" [cheers and applause] So, the moment was screaming, “Kiss her.” [audience chuckles]

And then she told me about this New Year's Eve party she was going to. And wanted to know if I wanted to go with her. And I said, "Yes, sure." And then I thought, “It'd be kind of cool if our first kiss was our New Year's Eve kiss. It would be very symbolic being beginning of a new year, beginning of a new relationship.” So, at that moment in my mind, I decided that was when I was going to kiss her. The stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, which meant I couldn't kiss her tonight. Because if I kissed her tonight, then our New Year's Eve kiss would be our second kiss. And that's just lame. [audience chuckles] But here's the thing. This nerd wanted me to kiss her tonight. She had her hand on my thigh. She's got her face close to mine. She's looking into my eyes. I mean, she's doing everything but saying, "Kiss me, stupid." But I can’t, I'm saving myself for New Year's. [audience laughter]

So, New Year's Eve comes, New Year's Eve Day. And I'm getting ready for the party. I'm in the bathroom, really excited. I'm shaving and brushing and flossing. [audience chuckles] And all day long that song is ringing through my head. "Isn't it romantic to be young on a night like this?" And it's like the song is telling my brain, “Don't blow it, Bernie, kiss her tonight.” So, we're at the New Year's Eve party, and we're in this very crowded loft, sipping champagne, talking and laughing. And I look at my watch, like 10 minutes to midnight. So, I decided to go to the bathroom because I remember I saw a bottle of mouthwash in there. So, I thought, I'll gargle. So, when I kiss her at midnight, I'll have minty fresh breath. [audience chuckles] So, I go in the bathroom, I gargle, and I wash my hands and comb my hair, step out of the bathroom, and I see that the number of people at the party is like doubled. Before, it was packed, but now it's like jam-packed. You can't even move a muscle. And I look at my watch, and it's five minutes to midnight.

And I'm trying to get to her, but I don't even see her. And then before you know it, I hear 10, 9, 8. [audience awe] And I'm, like, squeezing through the party, trying to find her. Seven, six, five. And then I see her. She's in the corner, but I can't reach her, because there's just too many people between us. Three, two, one. Happy New Year. And everyone is kissing someone. And I see her there in the corner all alone, [audience reaction] looking sad and nerdy. [audience laughter] And by the time I reach her, it's like 20 minutes after midnight. [audience chuckles] And before I could say anything, she says, "Bernie, I'm leaving." She grabbed her coat and she leaves the party. And she's obviously very angry at me. I don't blame her. It's like our fourth date. I haven't kissed her. I leave her alone on New Year's Eve.

So, I chase after. And we're outside, and I kind of grab her by the arm and say, "No, wait." She said, "No, Bernie, I'm sensing you're not all that into me, so I'm just going to go home." I said, "Let me explain. [audience chuckles] I didn't kiss on the first date because I just don't kiss on the first date. I didn't kiss her on the second day because I had really bad onion and a garlic breath. And I think it was on the third date because I thought it'd better because on the fourth date, New Year's Eve tonight. But I couldn't reach it tonight because there were too many people at the party. I couldn't reach you, and I'm really sorry." audience laughter]

And then she gave me this look, it's just hard to read, because sometimes a woman will look at you and you have no idea what they're thinking. [audience laughter] And then she said, "Goodbye, Bernie," and she walked away. [audience reaction] So, New Year's Day came, and I'm just feeling very lonely and depressed. It was a terrible way to bring in the New Year. Later that night, I'm lying in bed sleeping, and there's this knock at the door. And I'm thinking, who's knocking on my door in the middle of the night? So I go to answer, and it's her. I say, "What are you doing here?" She says, "Let me in." I said, "What?" She says, "Hurry up, let me in." So, she comes in. I said, "What's going on? It's past midnight."

She says, "Well, actually, it's 11:58, so you have two minutes till you kiss me." [audience awe] I said, "What?" She goes, "Well, I know you want to kiss me on a stroke at midnight New Year's Eve. But you know what, Bernie? Everybody kisses on the stroke of midnight New Year's Eve. We're going to be original. We're going to kiss on the stroke of midnight on New Year's Day." I said, "Okay." And she said, "Do you have champagne?" And I said, "I have Snapple." [audience laughter] And she said, "Get it, but hurry up. It's 11:59." So, I'm running the kitchen, I'm getting the Snapple, and the song's rushing through my head. Isn't it romantic, to be young on a night like this. [audience laughter] And she yells in the living room, "Do you have champagne glasses?" And I said, "I have Batman and Robin coffee mugs." [audience laughter] 

"You only have 20 seconds." Isn't it romantic? It'd be nice to let lovers kiss. I run into the living room with a coffee mug. Sweet symbols of the moonlight. Do you think we might fall in love perchance? We're sitting on the couch together with a Batman and Robin coffee mugs with the Snapple. And she's looking at the watches, doing the countdown. Three, two, one. And we lock eyes. And I say to her [audience laughter] "You are the coolest girl I have ever met in my entire life." [audience awe] And she said, "Shut up and kiss me." Isn't it romantic?

[cheers and applauses]

[pleasant melodious music playing] 

Sarah: [00:51:25] That was Bernie Somers. Bernie is a New York writer who finds his dysfunctional love life a great source for comic material. He and his New Year's date eventually ended up parting ways, but he hopes to have a date for Valentine's Day on February 15th. That's it for this episode of The Moth Radio Hour. We hope you'll join us next time. Happy December.

[Uncanny Valley by The Drift playing]

Jay: [00:51:59] Your host this hour was Sarah Austin Jenness. Catherine Burns directed the stories in the show along with Jenifer Hixson. The rest of The Moth's directorial staff includes Sarah Haberman and Meg Bowles. Production support by Timothy Lou Ly. Moth stories are true, as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by The Drift. Other music in this hour from Melody Creators, Modern Mandolin Quartet, C.S. Heath, Nigel Kennedy and The Kroke Band, Proyecto Solo, Ruby Braff, and George Barnes Quartet.

The Moth is produced for radio by me, Jay Allison with Viki Merrick at Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. This hour was produced with funds from the National Endowment for the Arts. The Moth Radio Hour is presented by PRX. For more about our podcast, information on pitching us your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org and have a great holiday season.