Host: Kate Tellers
Kate: [00:00:02] Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm Kate Tellers, Senior Director and your host for this episode.
My mom was one of six siblings, descendants of Lebanese immigrants who landed in Erie, Pennsylvania. A few years after their mother, my nona, died, the siblings decided to get together in my uncle's backyard for a weekend spent cooking and sharing the food they had been raised on. On a whim, at the last minute, my aunt printed T-shirts. As with most things in my family, things escalated quickly.
And now, LebFest is a decades old annual tradition who’s ever expanding guest list includes extended family, friends, neighbors and hundreds of cloves of garlic. More than once, we've needed to rent a tent.
Our core menu is fixed La Hamishmi on Friday, Gishk and Shishtawk on Saturday, Iji on Sunday, but also expanding and overseen by the brilliant watchful eyes of my cousin's wife and in law who was Irish, and by this point could cook every dish blindfolded.
There's something special about a family recipe, the idea that you're using the same ingredients as your uncle or your nona. When you take a bite of that garlicky skewer of shrimp or swirly cinnamon bun, you can be dropped into another place and time, whether that's your childhood home, your aunt's kitchen or LebFest.
[00:01:22] On this episode, we'll have two stories all about how food can connect us to the past. First up is Terry Wolfisch Cole. She told this at a New York City StorySLAM, where theme of the night was Fathers. Here's Terry, live at The Moth.
[applause]
Terry: [00:01:41] A couple of weeks ago, I went out for dinner, my husband and I, with another family. There was a 16-year-old girl there, Cousin Lauren. As 16-year-olds do, she asked about my tattoo. 16-year-old girls whose mothers do not have ink think that moms who do have ink are very cool. So, she asked about my tattoo, “What does it say?” I said, “It says enjoy every sandwich.” And she said, “What does that mean?” [audience laughter]
So, I told her the story that I tell everybody, which is about Warren Zevon. He was dying and he went on the David Letterman show. And David Letterman said, “Well, what do you know that the rest of us don't know?” And he said, “Well, I know you got to enjoy every sandwich.” And that phrase took on a life of its own. And that story is suitable for telling in public and it is true. But when I tell it's a total lie.
In June of 2013, I was in the middle of the worst year of my life. 10 months before, my father had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. If you know anything about cancer, you know that's not the good kind. My daughter, the month before, had been placed in a residential treatment center in Utah. So, I was spending my time flying north, south, and east and west.
In June, I was in Florida with my sister and her husband, Adam. We were seeing my father for what we knew would be the last time. We were joined by Jasper, who had been an exchange student in our house 30 years before. Lisa accidentally said something on Facebook about my father dying, and Jasper was like, “What the hell are you even talking about?” He got on a plane from Denmark and came to see my father.
He came into this apartment, which was so strange for Florida, because the ceilings were low and it was always dark, which is weird, because Florida is a very sunny place. He came to see my father and he got in the bed right next to my father. My father didn't much get out at that point.
We spent the rest of the weekend. He gave him a kiss, he gave him a hug and we spent the rest of the weekend playing Blackjack, which is weird. [chuckles] But if you've ever spent time with someone who's dying, there is this massive white elephant in the room. You really don't talk about it a lot. You pretend you're just there visiting. So, we played Blackjack, and we hung around, and we told stories from way back when and it was all alright.
It was the morning of the last day, we came, we visited. And later in the day, somebody said to my dad, “Do you want something to eat?” And at this point, my dad was really housebound. He was in his bathrobe all the time. He was mostly in the bedroom, but he came out to the dining room and he said, “You know, I could really go for a tongue sandwich.” [laughs]
I've thought about this so many times since. Like, it's a cocktail party question, “What would you have if it were your last meal?” People talk about lobster and they talk about spaghetti. Literally, no one else has ever said I could really go for a tongue sandwich. [audience laughter] But the boys got in the car and they went to Jacob's Deli and they came back with this clamshell. And in it, it was this greasy, nasty looking tongue sandwich and a couple of pickles. My father sat at the table in his bathrobe and he ate that half a sandwich. I have never seen anyone enjoy a meal more than that man and that tongue sandwich.
After about half he had enough and he was ready to go rest. It was time for us to go back to my mother's house a couple of miles north. It was time to say goodbye. I was leaving in the morning. I knew what was happening. I really knew, but I had to make like I didn't, because you just don't say goodbye forever out loud. I leaned into my father to give him a hug. He was sitting. He didn't stand up really anymore. My father, who had always been bald, seemed balder. I don't know how that works, but he did. I leaned in, and I gave him a hug, and he hugged me back and he said to me, “I am just so proud of you both.” A week later my father was dead.
I know that I talked to him in the week in between, but I don't know what I said and I don't know what he said. Those are the words that rattle around in my head. And so, on his birthday, on Father's Day, on the anniversary of his death, when I light a candle, I try to forget about all the times I screened his calls and I listened to those words instead, “I am just so proud of you both.” Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Kate: [00:06:49] That was Terry Wolfisch Cole. Terry is the producer of Tell Me Another, a true live storytelling show in Hartford, Connecticut. This was the first story she told on stage. She misses her father every day. Enjoy every sandwich is tattooed inside her left wrist in his memory. If you'd like to see photos of Terry and her father along with her enjoy every sandwich tattoo, just go to our website, themoth.org/extras.
As with many family dishes that have been passed through the generations, I don't have a lot of our family's official recipes. There are enough strong opinions in this family that if I did attempt to write something down, a strong-willed uncle or aunt would have notes. But I have a recipe for salad dressing from my mother that is in her own voice, and indisputable and a popular staple at many LebFest. You can check it out on our website, themoth.org/extrasgarlicpounderessential.
Up next is Michael Imber. He told this at a New York City GrandSLAM, where theme of the night was Between the Lines. Here's Michael, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Michael: [00:08:00] A simple recipe, Hershey's cocoa, sugar, vanilla extract, Karo syrup, a pinch of salt, heated to perfection, poured into a pan and then cooled in an ice water bath. This was my grandmother Millie's Recipe for fudge. Fights would break out at family gatherings in St. Louis if anybody dared to take more than their fair share. This was no ordinary recipe.
When the grandchildren all left for college, Nana would make batches of fudge, and package them up in old Russell Stover candy boxes and mail them to us. The recipient of the latest batch of fudge would lay claim to the title, The Real Angel Boy or The Real Angel Girl, which was her nickname for all of us. But we held it as the moniker for the most favored grandchild.
I was always close to my grandmother, but all the more so after my father passed when I was 10 years old. She was just a rock for my mother, and for my siblings and me. When I left for college, I made a point of calling her every Sunday night. When I moved to New York, I continued that tradition. I was so happy that she was able to walk down the aisle at my wedding.
In the winter before Nana's 79th birthday, she suffered a transient ischemic attack, a mini stroke. The emergency room doctor said it was so mild. There was nothing they could do. They just told her, “Go home and rest.” Ny brother, Doug, and my cousin, Teddy, were with her at the time, and they drove her back to her apartment. They arrived about midnight. And nana said, “I'm wide awake. What do we do now?” The boys looked at each other and they said, “Nana, make fudge. And so, she did.
The next day, my brother calls me, and he tells me about Nana's health scare and the story of the fudge. While he wished nana many more years of life, he did remark that he and Teddy easily could have had the last batch of fudge and lay claim to the title, Angel Boy forever. [audience laughter]
About a month later, I get in the mail a package in the size and shape of that familiar Russell Stover candy box. Postmarked from St. Louis, but no return address. When I opened it up, of course, there is my grandmother's celebrated fudge. I called her to thank her, and she said, “What fudge?” That was an odd response, but it gave me an idea. Rather than eat the fudge, I wrapped the box in a plastic garbage bag, sealed it tight and I stuck it in the back of my freezer with the prayer that it would be many years before I would defrost it to realize my visionary plan.
What nobody realized is that nana was suffering a series of mini strokes that spring, and that explained why she couldn't remember that she had sent me the fudge. That August, my grandmother suffered a massive stroke. They sent her to the hospital just as my wife and I were getting ready to leave on a California vacation. My mother said, “Take the trip and I was warned, do not show up in St. Louis for fear that it would frighten nana that her condition was serious.”
The day after we arrived in San Francisco, we got word that my grandmother had passed. And I was devastated. As if that were not enough, I had another problem. The last batch of fudge was in Brooklyn, and we had to fly from San Francisco straight to St. Louis for the funeral. Undaunted, I took my key and I FedExed it to a friend in New York who went to our apartment, got the fudge and FedExed it to me in St. Louis. [audience laughter]
On the second day of shiva, my package arrived. [audience laughter] As I walked into the living room where the family had gathered-- Everybody saw I had the Russell Stover candy box, you could hear a pin drop. [audience laughter] This was much more than a recipe. As I shared the last batch of fudge, the tears turned to smiles, and everybody began to tell their fudge stories. Someone remarked nana's catering her own shiva. [audience laughter] Nothing could have been sweeter. As for the title, Angel Boy- [audience cheers and applause] - immortality. I love you, Nana. I miss you. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Kate: [00:14:17] That was Michael Imber. Michael lives in Weston, Connecticut, where he and his bride of 35 years, Nancy, have raised their twin sons. He loves to cook for his family and celebrates the stories they share over meals. Don't worry, if you have a hankering for Michael's family fudge recipe, we'll have that on our website along with a photo of Michael and his grandmother. You can find them both at themoth.org/extras.
That's it for this time. Remember, if you liked the stories in this episode, be sure to share this podcast with a friend and tell them to subscribe, so they can take a listen as soon as it comes out. From all of us here at The Moth, have a story worthy week. We hope your hearts and bellies are full.
Marc: [00:15:00] Kate Tellers is a storyteller, host, Senior Director at The Moth and co-author of their fourth book, How to Tell a Story. Her story, But Also Bring Cheese, is featured in The Moth Presents All These Wonders: True Stories about Facing the Unknown. Her writing has appeared on McSweeney's and The New Yorker.
The rest of The Moth leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Jenifer Hixson, Meg Bowles, Marina Klutse, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant-Walker, Lee Ann Gullie and Aldi Kaza. The Moth would like to thank its supporters and listeners. Stories like these are made possible by community giving. If you're not already a member, please consider becoming one or making a one-time donation today at themoth.org/giveback. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by the storytellers.
For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, The Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.