Host: Jenifer Hixson
[overture music]
Jenifer: [00:00:12] From PRX, this is The Moth Radio Hour. I'm Jenifer Hixson.
Sometimes it takes a question from a stranger, a friend or that little voice inside to clarify things. And sometimes a simple question shakes your core.
All the stories in this hour involve a question, including this first story from Beverley Elliott, who asked the universe for a sign. Beverley told this in New York City, where we partner with Public Radio Station WNYC. Here's Beverley.
[applause]
Beverley: [00:00:46] It's an all-female singer-songwriter night, Chicks with Picks. [audience laughter] I'm the last one up and I sing my three songs. I think they were the only three songs that I had written at that point. I end with my song called Yellow Dress. Now, it's a song about lost love. The chorus goes, She once had dreams, she once had confidence. She had a heart that knew what's best. And one time, she felt like a movie star in her yellow dress.
So, I sing my song and I get a standing ovation from one man, [audience laughter] in the very back of the room. Thank you, sir. Yes. Shortly thereafter, all the singer-songwriters are sitting around a table having drinks and then this odd, wiry-looking, ill-fitting-suit, crazy energy starts coming towards me, and he says, "You touched my heart." [audience laughter] And I said, “Oh, thank you. You're the man who gave me the standing ovation." He says, "Yes, your song, Yellow Dress, oh, mwah. Oh, I love it." And I said, “Well, thank you. That's really generous. Thank you so much.” "No, no, you got to hear me. You were the best all night, way better than all of them." [audience laughter] I'm like, “Okay. Awkward, sorry gals" really a lot better than them. No. [audience laughter]
And I said, “Thank you, you're really, really kind.” He goes, "No, no, no. Really, really, like, you have to know, I just came from Greece where they stand up for people, they smash dishes, they throw money." "They throw money, really?” [audience laughter] “And your music was just amazing. I can't believe that you don't have a yellow dress," which I forgot to say that I never actually even owned a yellow dress. That song was a fictional song, but in my real life, I never even owned a yellow dress.
So, he said to me, "I can't believe you don't own a yellow dress. I'm going to buy you a yellow dress." And I said, “No, it's okay.” He goes, "No, no, I want to buy you a yellow dress. What's your size?" [audience chuckle] So, I scan the table of women and I bump it down a couple. "12-ish." “From my soul to your soul, I love you,” and he leaves. [chuckles] Okay. So, two months later, it's February, and my single musician friends and I are trying to think up a plan to get us through Valentine's. Because Valentine's is loaded and Valentine's, being single, is lethal. So, we decide to have a singer-songwriter night, and we're going to call it Feeling Single, Drinking Double. [audience laughter]
We invite every single unattached person we know to come out and celebrate with us. We're going to beat this thing. I've never really had very good luck with Valentine's. I never even had a boyfriend during Valentine's. Didn't ever get flowers or champagne. It just hadn't happened at that point in my life for me. I'd eaten many boxes of chocolates and watched The Notebook over and over. But this year, I've got it underhand. So, February 14th arrives. I wake up and my heart is sad. And I think, no, come on, I've arranged this. And it's like, “No, I'm single. I don't have anyone in my life and I'm--" Come on. Come on, Beverley.
So, I make a deal with Miss Universe. I say, “You know, can you just give me a sign, a signal, anything, like a cinnamon heart, a fallen flower on the ground, chocolate, anything? I will recognize it. It doesn't have to be big, but just to let me know that love is in my future somewhere and I'll be grateful.” So, the day goes on and nothing happens. And then that night at the gig, I take the stage. I'm the delegated emcee, and I welcome everyone. “Hello, you lovable, lonely losers. Just kidding, we're not alone tonight. We're all together, and that's why we're here on Valentine's.”
And the front door flings open. And this wild, crazy energy, whirling dervish, kind of Tasmanian devil comes right up to the stage, "Beautiful lady, I found you." It's him. It's the guy. And he says, "For you. For you, I have a gift," and he hands me an elegantly wrapped box, rectangular box with a big bow on top. "For you, for your song." "Open it," yells a heckler. "It's Valentine's."
So, I take the lid off the box and I pull back the tissue paper. And inside is this beautiful sequined golden gown. It's a dress, a yellow dress. It's to the floor, it's backless, strapless, really low-cut in the front, big slit up the side, [audience laughter] two sizes too small. It's a movie star dress. It's like Ginger from Gilligan's Island. [audience laughter] "Do you like it? Do you like your dress?" Never in my life had I considered wearing a dress like that, had I seen this body in that kind of a dress. "Put it on," yells the heckler. "It's Valentine's." [audience laughter]
So, I introduce the first act, and I take the dress backstage and then I come out to find the guy, because I want to find out what he wants in exchange. He's sitting at a table and he's reading a menu. So, I say, "That was an incredibly generous gift you've just given me. It was a beautiful, beautiful dress, and thank you so much." And he says, "You're welcome. It's for you." [audience laughter]
So, I try to initiate more conversation, but he doesn't bite. He tells me his name, doesn't give me his card, doesn't ask me on a date, doesn't want my number, doesn't want to sleep with me, nothing. He just wanted me to have a yellow dress, a yellow dress that I have yet to squeeze myself into. [audience laughter] But every time I look at it, I feel beautiful. [audience aww]
[cheers and applause]
Jenifer: [00:06:58] That was Beverley Elliott. Besides singing and songwriting, Beverley is also an actor and a mom. You're listening to the song that inspired the story right now, Yellow Dress.
[yellow dress by Beverley Elliott]
Our next story is from a man in Detroit. His question comes via telephone. Here's Lee Thomas.
[cheers and applause]
Lee: [00:08:02] I'm standing in line at the grocery store, and I'm there to get the essentials, you know, Pop-Tarts, olives, [audience chuckle] toilet paper. I'm a dude. [audience chuckle] And so, I feel this guy staring at me intensely. I can feel like he's burning a hole in the side of my head. It's intense. He's looking at me so hard, it's like he smells something terrible. He's just squint-face looking at me. And I can just feel it.
Now, usually that's a problem. Someone's staring at you, you give a mean face, you know the face you use when you're walking down the street here in the city or any city and you want to be left alone, you give them that mean face and they stop looking, hopefully. But this time, I decided to do something different. Because the truth is, [soft chuckle] I'm not a mean dude. I'm kind of the kind of guy who always has fun. When I was little, I liked to sing songs, do a little dance, do a little jig, just smile to make people smile. And people would stare at me.
So, I usually say it, it's because I'm devastatingly handsome. [audience chuckle] I call myself the spotted Denzel Washington. [audience laughter] What's up, girls? [audience laughter] But the truth is, I have a disease called vitiligo. 2% of the world population has it. It's not life-threatening, it's not contagious, but it does get you a lot of attention. It gets you a lot of stares. So, today, instead of giving a mean face, I decided to do something different. I just let him stare. And man, did the guy stare. I'm putting my stuff on the conveyor, I'm checking out, he's checking out on the other aisle and he's looking and I'm letting him look.
I think he doesn't know that I'm letting him look, but he's looking, he's looking. We both check out at the same time. We head towards the exit and he's still looking. And so, we get to the door to leave, and we actually make eye contact face-to-face. I just decide, I got to break this and I look right at him and I say, "Hey, buddy, what's up?" [audience chuckle] And he just go, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hi." I think at that point, he realized that he was a grown man staring at another grown man, which is usually a problem. So, I wanted to break the ice a little bit and not make there tension and I said, "It's a disease called vitiligo, man. It's not life-threatening, it's not contagious, it's just kind of cosmetic and it just looks very different. I get a lot of attention."
And the guy actually asked me a question. So, I answer his question and we talk a little bit. And he asked me another question. So, I end up talking to that guy in the grocery store for a good five minutes. It was good. And at the end of our conversation, he says to me, "If you didn't have vitilargo--" it's vitiligo, but, you know, he was trying. [audience chuckle] "If you didn't have vitilargo, you'd look just like that guy on TV." And I laugh at him. I laugh it off, I go, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I get that all the time, buddy." And I go to my car and I just sit there, stare out the window, because the truth is, in the city I live in, Detroit, I am that guy on TV. [audience chuckle]
I am the anchor of a morning show, I am a reporter for a local station and I had been covering my vitiligo, have been and still do cover my vitiligo with makeup when I'm on TV. And most people never even notice. So, for him, I am that guy. Now, wearing makeup on TV is not a big deal. This is New York. You guys know this. If you're on TV, you have to cover blemishes, you have to make the shine go away. Makeup is not a big deal on television. But not only am I on television, I'm an entertainment reporter. So, I'm in a cosmetic job in a superficial industry and I interview the most beautiful people in the world, [audience laughter] right?
So, I cover my face with makeup, because I do not want to lose my job. I think if they know what I actually look like, then it might be over. So, I just do what everybody else on TV does, cover it up and keep it moving. And that goes pretty well. I cover everything except my hands. So, vitiligo is a pigment disorder, you just lose your color. For African-Americans, it's very drastic. You look like you have white spots all over your body, but the hands completely go away.
Now, I tried to cover my hands with makeup. And it's brown makeup. Follow me here. You have brown makeup on and you touch any part of your body during the day, you're going to have a brown spot. You shake somebody's hand, they're going to walk away with brown on their hand, and you're like, "This is my mom's fault." I'd rather people think that I have a disease than I'm dirty. [audience laughter] Because my mom, bless her heart, my mom would always say, "We may not have a lot, but at least, we're clean down to the underwear." [audience laughter] Thanks, Mama. Mwah.
So, I cover with makeup. And it worked. Had a good career, many years. One day, this lady calls me. She says her son has vitiligo. People with vitiligo notice the hands, and they call or write a letter and reach out. And that's cool. She said her son wanted to talk to me. And I said, “Okay. Have him call me after the newscast tomorrow.” And he did.
He's a 14-year-old kid. He's had vitiligo for a while. He had straight A's, the kid was into karate, he seemed like he had his head on straight. I talked to the kid for 20 or 30 minutes, and we go back and forth with vitiligo stories, and we talk about how to deal with the stares and all kinds of war stories. It was a good conversation. And then, he says, "Mr. Thomas, I have to ask you a question." Anytime someone announces a question, you know it's something. So, I go, “Okay.” He goes, "Would you show your face on TV without makeup on?" And I was like, "Yeah, okay."
Because my boss had been asking me to do that for two or three years, my news director. I wasn't going to do it. I was telling her, "Let me think about it." Because you can't tell your boss no, that's just something you can't do. So, I'd tell her, "Let me think about it," because I knew I would just end up seeing, "Watch the Black man turning white, tonight at 05:00. Dun, dun dun dun dun dun dun.” A promo that's going to run forever. I just wasn't ready for that.
So, this kid asking me the same question was different than my boss. So, I said to him, "Why?" And he says, "If you show people what you look like, maybe they'll treat me differently." Wow. The kid blew my blinders off. You know those blinders that you wear every day, you get up, you make your breakfast, you get your coffee, you go to work, you hit the train, you hit your car, however you get there, you do your job, you go to the grocery store, you go home, you do everything you have to do to make sure your family's good, to make sure your bills are paid, there's a roof over your head, those blinders that keep you straight. He blew my blinders off, and I saw other people.
So, I said, "Sure, kid, I'll do that for you." Then this kid says, "Good, because there's an eight-year-old who lives in my neighborhood who wears a ski mask to go outside and play. And if you show people what you look like, the people around him tease him a lot and maybe they'll treat him differently." Wow. This 14-year-old smart kid was actually calling me for an eight-year-old, and I'm a grown ass man hiding behind makeup. So, I told the kid, "Sure, of course. You're going to have to wait till the next ratings book," because I know my boss, and she's going to want to make sure we get the biggest bang for the buck, [audience chuckle] but I'll do the story.” I was afraid. I remember the walk down the hallway to go into the studio to do that report.
I work on a morning show, and most of my coworkers at that point had never seen my face without makeup. Some of them couldn't look me in the eye, see me coming down the hall, they dart back into the newsroom. I understand. I sat on the set, I felt vulnerable, I was afraid, but I did it. And the response was immediate. It was overwhelmingly positive. I got hugs from my coworkers, my station got the biggest response from any story, correspondent snail mail, email, that we had gotten all year. It was not what I expected.
So, I didn't know what to do with the attention. So, I decided to turn the attention back to the initial people who got me to tell the story. So, I started a support group for people with vitiligo, just a local Detroit support group. But that support group sprouted more around the country, and support groups around the world. Now, we have a World Vitiligo Day once a year, and we've had it for the past few years.
We do a lot of things at this World Vitiligo Day. But most of all, we stare at each other [audience laughter] and compare spots. [audience laughter] And the first year, this little girl was looking me over and she said that one of my spots looked like a unicorn. [audience chuckle] Thanks.
[cheers and applause]
Jenifer: [00:19:13] That was Lee Thomas. Lee has been reporting the news in Detroit for almost 20 years and has been in the news business for even longer. He has a few Emmys under his belt, in fact. To see a picture of Lee putting on his makeup or to learn more about World Vitiligo Day, visit themoth.org, where you can also share this story.
When we return, we replay a Moth classic called My First Day with the Yankees. Side note, you don't have to be a Yankees fan to enjoy the story. Actually, you don't even have to like baseball.
[fast-paced music]
Jay: [00:20:06] The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And presented by PRX.
Jenifer: [00:20:15] This is The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jenifer Hixson.
In this hour about questions, Matt McGough may win the prize for being the most persistent. When Matt showed up at a StorySLAM in New York City in 2003 and told this story, the room erupted in a way I really hadn't seen before. Here's Matt McGough, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Matt: [00:20:40] I grew up a huge fan of the New York Yankees, which when I was very small involved going to games maybe once a year with my father, my little brother watching Reggie Jackson, then a little bit older watching Dave Winfield. And then, when I came into my teens, Don Mattingly, who was my absolute favorite player.
As I went to high school in New York, and it was a turning point, the first time that I went to a Yankee game by myself and I started going to Yankee games by myself. It was at one of these games in the fall of 1991 that I went up to the stadium, bought a ticket to the bleachers, and went and sat in the bleachers, and was watching the game and noticed for the first time something that I had been to the stadium so many times before, but I'd never seen this kid in right field wearing a Yankee uniform, who was a bat boy playing catch with the right fielder.
I'd never noticed the bat boy before. And this kid could not play catch for his life. He was throwing the ball over Jesse Barfield's head, the right fielder, and he was one-hopping him, and I was like, "You know, I'm not a great athlete, but I can play catch at least as well as this kid can." [audience laughter] I don't understand why he has that job and I couldn't. [audience laughter]
So, I went home that night, and I tore a page out of the program that listed all the different Yankee executives and I wrote a handwritten letter to everyone from Steinbrenner on down to Stump Merrill, who was the manager at that point, and basically said, "My name is Matt, and I'm 16 years old and I'm a huge fan of the Yankees. I don't know if you can apply for this bat boy position, but if you can, I really would like an application. I'm so excited to hear from you that if I don't hear from you soon, I'm going to follow up with a phone call." [audience laughter]
So I sent these off. And about two weeks went by, and after two weeks I hadn't heard anything, and so I picked up the phone, and the Yankee switchboard number was on the same list of executives and a secretary answered the phone, "Hello, New York Yankees." And I said, "Hi, this is Matt McGough, and I sent a letter in a couple weeks ago about applying for a bat boy position, and nobody got back to me." [audience laughter] So, she's like, "Okay. Well, I'll take your name down and I'll have somebody get back to you." She took my number down.
Another week goes by and I don't hear anything. So, I pick up the phone again and I call. And this woman answers the phone, "Hello, New York Yankees." And I say, "Hi, this is Matt. I sent some letters in about the bat boy position, and I called last week and somebody was supposed to call me back, but I thought it was rude that they hadn't." [audience laughter] And so, she laughed and she asked me, "How old are you?" And I said, "16.” And she laughed some more. I didn't really understand what she was laughing at, but she took down my name again. She said, "I'll make sure that somebody gets back to you."
So, a few days later, sure enough, in the mail, a letter arrived on Yankee letterhead, official letterhead, and it invited me to come up to the stadium for an interview with Nick Priore, who's the clubhouse manager. So, I put my jacket and tie on. I don't even think I told any of my friends about this, because it was way too weird to explain. [audience laughter]
So I went up, took the 4 train up to the stadium and walked around the stadium. This is October, so they weren't playing in the World Series in October back in 1991, so it was very, very quiet. I walked around the stadium, and walked into the Yankee lobby and there's a security guard there. I introduced myself and I say, "I'm here for the bat boy interview." [audience laughter] He picks up the telephone and he's like, "Nick, some kid's here to see you." Okay. So, he says, "Have a seat."
So, I sit down in the pinstripe lobby and I'm passing about 10 minutes waiting for this guy Nick to come up for the first job interview of my life, or the first job of my life. I'm trying to think of the questions that he might ask me, so I'm ready to tell him what my favorite subject is in school, and tell him why I think the Yankees need a big bat behind Mattingly to win the pennant next year, and what Mickey Mantle's batting average was in 1956 and all these different questions. [audience chuckle]
So, I'm passing the time, and these double doors burst open and this guy walks in, obviously Nick, but he doesn't introduce himself. He could be anywhere from 40 to 80 years of age. [audience laughter] He has this greased back hair and a stogie between the two teeth left in his mouth and a chalk tobacco possibly also, and Yankee shorts and white athletic socks pulled up to his knees and shoe-polished-- black sneakers that are obviously shoe-polished. He just looks at me and says, "Are your parents going to mind you taking the train home late at night?"
So, I say, "I take the train to school every day, I think it'll be fine." He just looks at me and finally I say, "No, I don't think my parents will mind me taking the train home late at night." And he says, "Well, come back opening day." [audience laughter] So, that was October. I go home, I think I have the job. [audience laughter] I'm not really sure. Six months later, opening day in 1993, I show up at 09:00 AM. I put on my jacket and tie, I walk back to the stadium, I go back downstairs through these tunnels and come to this big steel door that says Yankee Clubhouse on it. I walk inside and it's complete pandemonium.
There's these baseball players that I'd only seen before on TV or across rows and rows of stadium seats, and they're there in the flesh in front of me. Don Mattingly is over on the right, and I had a poster of Don Mattingly above my bed for my whole life and he's standing right over there. Jimmy Key, the ace of the pitching staff, is over there, and all these guys.
Opening day at Yankee Stadium is not just a sports event. It's a news event. It's the beginning of spring in New York, and Mayor Dinkins is there with his entourage. It's just Mayor Dinkins and Don Mattingly walking around. So, I am walking around and just lost, and I figure I better go find Nick. So, I walk up to Nick and I say, "Nick, I'm Matt. We met a couple months ago. [audience laughter] What do you want me to do? It's my first day of work." So, he says, "Stay the F out of my way." [audience laughter]
So, I shrink back and throw my backpack over on the side and just wander around in a daze. And I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn around and it's Don Mattingly. He sticks his hand out and says, "How's it going? I'm Don Mattingly. Are you going to be working with us this year?" [audience laughter] which even at that moment, I never really thought about the experience in those terms. He could have said so many other things that wouldn't have been as cool as that. He could have said, "Who are you, or are you the new bat boy or are you going to be working for us this year?" But he said, "I'm Don Mattingly. Are you going to be working with us this year?"
So, I said, "I know who you are, Mr. Mattingly. I'm Matt, I'm the new bat boy." And he's like, "Great to meet you, Matt. I have a very big job to ask of you. I've just unpacked all my bats from spring training, and I don't know if it was the altitude of the flight up from Florida or the humidity down there or what, but the game starts in about two hours and I need you to find me a bat stretcher." So, I say, "Okay." [audience laughter] So, I go and find Nick. Nick is busy, probably half a dozen ballplayers are bothering him for double A batteries or my hat is too small or this or that.
And I go up and I'm like, "Nick, I need a bat stretcher for Don Mattingly." He lets loose with a stream of expletives that [audience laughter] fell on, I swear, completely virgin ears. [audience laughter] I'd never heard that type of language in the movies before or anywhere, let alone directed at me. So, I rock back on my heels and go find somebody I can trust, like Nick's assistant Rob, and I ask him, "I need a bat stretcher for Don Mattingly, and Nick told me to go F myself, and I don't know what to do." [audience laughter]
So, he was like, "Chill out. I saw Danny Tartabull using one in his locker." So, Danny Tartabull's the power-hitting right fielder. I go to his locker, and he's getting dressed in his uniform and I stand off to the side and he says, "How's it going?" And I'm like, "Fine. I'm Matt. I'm the new bat boy, and I need a bat stretcher for Don Mattingly. I heard you were just using one." So, he's like, "Well, I was using one, but I left it in the manager's office. You should probably go check in there. [audience laughter] So, I say, “Thanks.” And he says, "See you around."
Then I go into the manager's office and walk in, and Buck Showalter, the manager, is having a press conference with probably [audience laughter] like 8 or 10 reporters. I stand off on the side, and I'm kind of-- The conversation comes to a standstill, basically, because there's a 16-year-old kid there in his Easter blazer and jacket, [audience laughter] standing in the manager's office at Yankee Stadium two hours before first pitch on opening day, looking very lost and very anxious. [audience laughter]
Showalter turns to me and he's like, "Can I help you?" And I say, "I'm Matt. I'm the new bat boy. I'm really sorry to interrupt, but I need a bat stretcher for Don Mattingly, and Danny Tartabull says that he left it in here.” [audience laughter] So, Showalter looks down, like beneath his desk and he's like, "Well, do you need a right-handed one or a left-handed one?" [audience laughter] So, this is the first moment all day that I actually-- this is the first question I had that I could answer with complete confidence, because you couldn't have grown up in New York at that time without knowing that Mattingly was the best left-handed hitter in baseball. So, I say, "I need a left-handed bat stretcher." [audience laughter]
So, he's like, "Well, I think we maybe have a right-handed one around here, but probably not a left-handed one. [audience laughter] You should try down at the Red Sox clubhouse and see if they have one." [audience laughter] So, I said, "Okay, thanks. I'm sorry to interrupt." I go. At this point, I'm speed-sprinting down the hallways, like the tunnels beneath the stands, the first-base stands at the stadium. I run into the Red Sox clubhouse and find their equipment manager and give him the whole story, "I'm Matt. I'm the new bat boy for the Yankees, and Danny Tartabull left his right-handed bat stretcher, and I'm in Buck Showalter's office, I need a left-handed one and the game's about to start."
And he's like, "Calm down, we don't have one, but we need one. Here's 20 bucks, [audience laughter] go up to the sporting goods store on 161st Street and River Avenue and buy two, [audience laughter] buy a left-handed one for Mattingly and a right-handed one for us and then bring me back the change." [audience laughter]
So, he gives me the 20 bucks, I put it in my pocket, I run upstairs. At this point, it's like an hour before opening day, the fans are coming down, like 50,000 fans are coming down from the subway in the opposite direction that I'm walking. [audience aww] I'm the only person in the world who knows that if I don't come through on this mission, Mattingly is going to go up there against Roger Clemens and the Red Sox on opening day at Yankee Stadium with a toothpick in his hand, basically. [audience laughter]
So, I'm fighting against the crowd and feeling so much weight on my shoulders. I make my way, and I'm about to cross the threshold of Stan's Sporting Goods when it dawns on me, like, I've played a lot of baseball in my life and I've been a big fan for a while and I don't even know what a bat stretcher looks like. [audience laughter] And in this moment, that I'm walking into the store, it dawns on me for the first time like, "Is this a joke? Could this possibly-- [audience laughter] could this possibly be a joke?" But I had so much fear, because if it is a joke, and I go back and tell Don Mattingly, "I'm too smart to fall for your bat stretcher story." [audience laughter]
And I'm wrong, I'm going to be back in the bleachers before my first game and lose my dream job. So, I take three laps around the stadium, convincing myself, "It's got to be a joke. It's got to be a joke." I walk back in, I go down the stairs, I walk into the clubhouse. Mattingly winks at me from across the clubhouse, a couple of the other ballplayers laugh, Mattingly goes 3 for 5 that day, Yankees win. It was my first day in pinstripes. I didn't learn until later on that I was the first kid in anyone's memory to have gotten the job without having a connection, without somebody knowing somebody or my dad knowing somebody or whatever,- [audience applause] -which was a lesson in itself. As intensely naive my pursuit of that job was, I was probably as naively intense in chasing the bat stretcher. [audience laughter] But the lesson in the story is, with a great deal of persistence and a little bit of common sense, even if the thing you're chasing may not exist, you can sometimes will it into being. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Jenifer: [00:32:54] That was Matt McGough. He's an author, journalist and screenwriter. Two years after telling this story for The Moth, he published his memoir, Bat Boy: Coming of Age with the New York Yankees. That book became the basis of a primetime CBS series called Clubhouse. And later, Matt was hired as a legal consultant and staff writer for NBC's Law & Order. He's now turned to journalism, and his most recent book is a true crime account called The Lazarus Files. And it all started with a question, "Can I be a bat boy?" To see a picture of Matt as a bat boy, visit themoth.org, where you can also share this story.
When we return, a server is interrogated while taking a dinner order, and a mother asks for what she desperately needs.
[whimsical music]
Jay: [00:33:59] The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And presented by the Public Radio Exchange, prx.org.
Jenifer: [00:34:09] You're listening to The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jenifer Hixson.
We're talking about questions, both asking and answering. Reilly Horan told this story for us at a show in Boston, presented by Public Radio Station WBUR. Here's Reilly Horan, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Reilly: [00:34:30] I am working in a restaurant on an island, not too far from here, actually Nantucket Island. It is the dead of the summer. It’s a peak dinner hour, and I have been assigned the section they refer to as the backyard barbecue. The backyard barbecue is a patio section behind the restaurant where they just throw all the families with little kids with no shoes and no clothes, just throw rice everywhere and leave. We don't even serve barbecue food at this restaurant. We call it the backyard barbecue in honor of the servers who go out there and then come back at the end of the night, like burnt and charred to a crisp. [audience laughter]
So, I'm making my way outside, and I push open the server screen door to head out there. I'm reminded of this ritual I used to have the first time I worked in this restaurant about four summers earlier. It was the summer I got my heart broken for the first time, so it was the first time I was confronting my own sexuality by myself since I ever really started thinking about it. And if you're not familiar with restaurant jargon, when a server is coming in and out of a kitchen door, they call, "Coming out," so that the folks on the other side don't get trampled.
So, imagine me coming to terms with being gay for the first time, really ever, in the silent depths of my own heart, being forced to scream, "Coming out," roughly [audience laughter] 60 times a day as I come in and out of the kitchen door. [audience laughter] [audience applause]
So, I push my way through this door and I approach this family, this table. I'm wearing my server's T-shirt, and khaki shorts and calf socks. Actually, these leather bucks that I'm wearing right now. That is to say, I looked like a Boy Scout, but in a great way. [audience laughter] I make my way down the table, I'm taking everybody's dinner order and I get down to this final six-year-old kid. He's wearing a policeman's uniform. I ask him what he wants for dinner, and he flashes me his badge and says that he wants an elephant quesadilla, which is weirdly not on the menu. So, his mother clarifies he actually means a cheese quesadilla.
And because he's a little kid, I have to ask him, "Do you want black beans or corn?" And he says, "Are you a boy or a girl?" And the whole table erupts into emergency protocol. "Oh, my God, we're sorry. He'll eat in the car, don't listen to him." They're ready to put a burlap sack over him and send him into the ocean. [audience laughter] But the spirit of this question is, "Hey, I noticed you. Do you mind telling me a little bit more about who you are?" And this is definitely not the first time I have fielded a question like this, nor is it the worst way it's been phrased or hurled at me. [audience laughter]
So, I say, "Well, what do you think?" And he says, "Well, I'm not sure because of your socks and your legs." [audience laughter] His parents are in that sort of shame paralysis where you can't move, but you also just want to die. [audience laughter] And all of a sudden, I'm tunneling through my shoes back in time, back through like every piece of clothing I've ever worn, like a literal tour of my closet. I'm five years old again, and I'm dressed as Mary in our Christmas pageant. Mary, the mother of Jesus, the coveted role of all the girls in my class, the little epitome of womanhood.
I'm making my way down the aisle. And I have this Jesus baby doll in my hand. I'm smashing him against every pew on my way down the aisle. [audience laughter] And my mom ushers me over and says, "Reilly, my dear, why are you so angry?" I say, "Because I wanted to be Joseph." [audience laughter]
Fast forward through 15 years of Halloween costumes, him handcrafted by my beloved mother, the mailman, the headless horseman, the two-headed man. Then there's this litany of gender nonconforming inanimate objects like pizza slice, Lego. [audience laughter] Jump to my middle school play, Fiddler on the Roof, where my sister is starring as the dancing daughter and I'm co-starring as the military general. Jump to school picture day, where me and my brothers are wearing a tie and a blazer. Jump to these cargo shorts that had these huge pockets, so that when I walked in the woods, I could collect as many rocks as I could possibly hold, so I could sort them in my room later.
Fast forwarding all the way to that summer of first heartbreak, where I'm up in my bedroom folding my clothes, there’s men's blue Oxford shirt that I always wore to occasions that mattered, so I could dress up. I'm folding it, and my father walks in. He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "My love, you did everything you could have to have kept her." The way he would have said it to any of his four children, because my goodness, no matter who you are or what your laundry looks like as you're folding it, a broken heart is a broken heart.
Fast forwarding to just the week before this kid asked me his question, I'm at a ferry dock right by the restaurant, and this woman accidentally directs a question toward me about lifeboats, because I happen to be wearing one of my sensible fleece vests at the very docks. She thinks I can save her. [audience laughter] I'm starting to think like, "God, if this kid had been around, if this tiny little police officer had been around 20 years ago to ask me this question, it probably would have been clarifying or freeing or something." But we don't always get that. The questions don't always come at the right time. Honestly, I'm not even sure if they had come at the right time, if I would have even been ready to answer them.
And all of a sudden, I'm reemerging back through my shoes to this dinner table. And his parents are looking at me, and the kid is looking at me. He has his police baton and he taps his ear. [audience laughter] And I decide I'm not going to come out to him or his parents, because we've all already been through enough tonight. [audience laughter] And also, he is still facing the monumental decision of black beans or corn. [audience laughter] But what I do decide to say to him is, "I identify as a woman, but I really like dressing like a tomboy, because it makes me feel more like myself." And he says, "Oh, like a costume?" And I say, "Yeah, like a uniform."
[cheers and applause]
Jenifer: [00:41:22] That was Reilly Horan. Reilly has many talents. Her main gig right now is as a scenic carpenter with the Blue Man Group, but she's also a crew lead, a stage and road manager, a teaching artist and a writer. She also does something called movement improvisation.
Do you have a story to tell us? Have you ever been asked a question that stopped you cold, or made you ponder something you hadn’t even considered? You can pitch us your story by recording it right on our site or call 877-799-M-O-T-H. That's 877-799-6684. The best pitches are developed for Moth shows all over the world.
Our final story is from Camille Woods. A brief caution about this one, Camille's son was a passenger in a tragic car accident. She told this in Ann Arbor, where we partner with Michigan Public Radio, here's Camille.
[applause]
Camille: [00:42:23] So, I never realized that the most important promise ever kept to me would be from a stranger that I had met and spoken to for about 20 minutes. It was the day after I’d driven back from Alabama, when I had found out that I lost my son. We went to the funeral home to start all the proceedings, which is really an interesting and morbid, clearly, process.
Her name was Judy, and she was about yay big. She had blond hair and I think she was maybe 35. She had blue eyes and she was the sweetest thing. She handed me this book with all these caskets in it and a book with urns and all this shit that I had no idea about, except that I was supposed to choose something and create something out of the loss of the best thing that had ever happened in my life.
So, we sat speaking. It had been about less than 24 hours since the loss. I had to drive back, my brother had to fly and pick me up and drive me back from Alabama to Michigan. I hadn't seen him and I wanted to know where he was. I just wanted to be with my son. I remember in my head thinking, I don't give a crap about any of these books, I don't give a crap about the funeral, I don't give a crap about this place. It was this very quiet and pristine and almost sterile kind of building. It was just a building I knew existed next to Red Lobster on Carpenter Road. It happened to be a funeral home, and that's where we ended up.
I couldn’t stop crying and I kept saying, "When can I see him? When can I see him? When will he be here?" We had seen him on a video screen earlier that day, because I live in Wayne County. And in Wayne County, you're not allowed to see a body up close. So, they sit you in a room with Kleenex and a TV screen, and then your son comes up on the screen swaddled. He looked like he was sleeping. It wasn't nearly as traumatic. Fuck it, yes, it was very traumatic. It was very traumatic. So, I just wanted to be with him.
So, Judy, I looked at her and she looked at me and she said, "Well, let me talk to somebody." She left the room and came back a moment later and I was saying the same thing, "When can I see him? I want to see him." And she said, "Well, they're going to bring him here tomorrow." And I said, "So, when can I see him?" "Well, I'm not sure." I said, "When can I see him?" She said, "Give me another second," and she walked out of the room. I'm sitting there with my brother and I'm sitting there with my ex-husband, and she comes back and I said again, "When can I see my son? I don't want to see him in the casket. I don't want to see him when you've done things to him. I want to see him now."
And she looks at me and she says, "Tomorrow around 2 o'clock, I promise. He will be brought here and I will find a way for you to see him, I promise." And so, I heard her. I'm a pretty easygoing person. And even in that moment, I agreed to believe her. I went home. My house is full of people, because it's going to be, right, somebody died. So, we're going through photos. It's the next day, we're going through photos, we're trying to figure out, “Oh, what's the funeral going to look like.” I didn't give a crap, there's people all over the place, floating around. And my phone rang, and it was 02:05, actually. 02:05. And it was Judy.
And she said, "He's here. You have to come now, because we have to get him ready," which I didn't know what the hell that meant. And I said, "Okay, I will be right there." Well, we gathered up, my sister was there, my brother had gone, my stepson, my stepfather, everybody got in the car. I called the ex-husband who said, "I can't go," because he wasn't strong enough. So, we went. We went and we walked down the stairs with Judy leading the way. She held my hand. She held my hand, I won't forget that. She held my hand. We came down the stairs, and across the room was this big bag, because my son was 6’5” and he weighed about four hundred pounds.
And my knees buckled. My sister kind of held me up. We walked across the room, and I realized that the only thing out that I could see was my son's left arm. And I said, "Where is the rest of him?" And she said, and this is something you don't learn until you lose someone, "I'm sorry, I can't show you the rest of him." I said, "Why not?" She said, "Well, they do an autopsy and we put him back together, I can't show him to you." But as awful as it sounds, the 20 minutes that I got to hold the chubbiest hand that I'd ever held in my life [sobs] and got to rub the most beautiful arm that I had ever had on the earth, meant everything to me, even though I couldn't see the rest of him. It was the only time that I was able to see the real him and hold who he really was. And so, God bless Judy for making the most awful, beautiful, tragic promise kept in my life.
[applause]
Jenifer: [00:48:32] That was Camille Woods. Her son's name was Marcus McIntosh, but everybody called him Big Mac. He was known for being kind and would always say, "I got you."
Camille is a school social worker in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and has started a kindness program in her son's name. All year long, the kids ponder how Big Mac would have done things and how they can find ways to be kind to each other. To see some pictures of Marcus and his mom, and to see one of the school's I Got You T-shirts, visit themoth.org.
That's it for this episode of The Moth Radio Hour. We hope you'll join us next time. And that's the story from The Moth.
[overture music]
Jay: [00:49:36] Your host for this hour was Jenifer Hixson. Jenifer also directed the stories in the show along with Lea Thau. The rest of The Moth’s directorial staff includes Catherine Burns, Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin Jenness and Meg Bowles. Production support from Emily Couch. Lee Thomas’ story was recorded at Alice Tully Hall at Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts in New York City.
Moth stories are true, as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by The Drift. Other music in this hour from Beverley Elliott, Khruangbin, Duke Levine and Todd Sickafoose. You can find links to all the music we use at our website.
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by me, Jay Allison, with Viki Merrick, Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. This hour was produced with funds from the National Endowment for the Arts. The Moth Radio Hour is presented by PRX. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.