Host - Kate Tellers
Kate: [00:00:02] Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm Kate Tellers, your host for this episode.
I am known as someone who is, to put it mildly, not chill about birthdays. I live by the words of Emily Saliers, “If we ever leave a legacy, it's that we loved each other well.” In my eyes, one more trip around the sun is a great reason to show love to the special people in my life.
A few years ago, I decided to do this by making my husband, a photographer, a cake in the shape of a camera. It should be noted that I don't bake, or really assemble anything in the kitchen or have any patience. So, after texting my sister incessantly things in all caps like, “HOW TO MAKE ICING PITCH BLACK?” I emerged from our tiny kitchen victorious and set my masterpiece on the table. One guest, confused, yelled, “A tank.” But I'd like to believe that my loving sentiment rang true. But let's be honest, how often does a birthday celebration go exactly as planned?
First up is Sheila Cavanaugh, who told this at a Boston StorySLAM in 2022, where theme of the night was Appropriately, Birthdays. Here's Sheila, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Sheila: [00:01:12] Thank you so much. I'm 18 years old. It's June, following my freshman year in college, and I have a newish boyfriend. I'm still discerning whether or not I like him when the phone rings, [audience laughter] and he said, “What are you doing on Saturday, June 23rd?” And I said, I'm free. And he said, “I'd love to take you out to dinner.”
Now, he lived in Boston, I lived in Worcester, so I had to take the bus to Boston to go out on a date. He didn't really mention anything about the dinner being fancy or anything. So, I dressed in my best casual outfit. I had a fresh rinse of Listerine, when I departed the bus. I see Larry dressed in a three-piece suit. I got a little bit nervous, because I had only seen three-piece suits at weddings and I did not want him to propose. [audience laughter]
So, we got in the car and he drove me to this very high-end restaurant, the dark mahogany wood, the semicircular booths, the plush red leather that felt like melted butter. We sat down-- I'm still a little bit suspicious. We were served the menus. They were gigantic. Of course, none of this QR code. [audience laughter] And he said, “Order whatever you want.” All right, as I said, I'm from Worcester. I'm used to eating hot dogs, beans. So, I went a little bit crazy.
We had an appetizer, a nice entree, a few glasses of wine. I'm feeling a little bit of the tingling in my loins, [audience laughter] wondering what I'll order for dessert. And I look up and I witness from the far end of the room, the entire waitstaff emerging from the kitchen singing Happy Birthday. And they're carrying a cake with one candle. And almost immediately, the entire restaurant joins in.
Now, everyone is singing Happy Birthday. So, I thought, well, I'll be friendly and join in too. I remember glancing at Larry, and I said, I wonder whose birthday it is. [audience laughter] He gave me this look like he wanted to call 911. And he said, “It's yours.” And I said, oh, no, no, it's not. And he said, “Fake it,” [audience laughter] which was easy to do because obviously it was supposed to be a surprise. [audience laughter] I was shocked. So, it was easy for me to fake it. I thanked everyone. I thanked the wait staff. I waved to the restaurant. They gave me an ovation.
When the dust had settled, Larry turned to me and he said, “When is your birthday?” And I said-- Now remember, it's June 23rd. I said, It's New Year's Eve. [audience laughter] It couldn't be further from June. And he said, “Why did it say on your calendar,” Now, it must have been hanging in my dorm room. “Why did it say on your calendar, Sheila Cavanaugh’s birthday, June 23rd?”
I'm thinking to myself, does this guy think I'm a narcissist, writing my own birthday with my last name on my calendar? But the thing is, it did say Sheila Cavanaugh’s birthday on June 23rd, because I'm Irish. I have 100 first cousins, and 10 of them are named Sheila, because the Irish are totally unimaginative, and they recycle every name.
So, to just distinguish between my Sheila cousins, I write their name on my calendar with their last name. I happen to have a cousin with my exact name, and her birthday is June 23rd, which, of course, I forgot about when I'm dining, high-end dining in Boston. [audience laughter] So, I explain all this to Larry. He's totally embarrassed. I feel so bad for him, because as I said, he was newish. We hardly know each other. And then, he presents me with a gift. [audience laughter] I'm like, “Oh, no, no, no, this has not happening.” I said, no, Larry, I can't take the gifts. He goes, “Take it. No, take it.” Back and forth, back and forth. I said, okay, I'll take it. I open the gift, and it's the most beautiful, delicate, okay, a little bit microscopic, gold chain. The nicest present I've ever received.
Now, my birthday. I've never been to school on my birthday. It's always a holiday. Nobody ever wants to sing Happy Birthday to me on New Year's Eve. Everyone is just interested in celebrating the New Year. So, I said to Larry, this is the nicest birthday I have ever had, the nicest surprise I've ever had and the nicest gift I've ever had. And so, immediately after the date, I call my cousin, Sheila Cavanaugh, [audience laughter] and I tell her, write my birthday down on New Year's Eve and maybe you will have a surprise party. So, happy birthday, everyone.
[cheers and applause]
Kate: [00:06:36] That was Sheila Cavanaugh. Sheila is a mom of four sassy kids who have given her a wealth of life lessons and lots of stories to share. In addition to being a mom, Sheila is a hospital chaplain whose patient stories help her live in wonder and amazement. If you're wondering what happened with Larry, well, Sheila tells us that she was deeply moved by Larry's thoughtfulness and generosity. She said, “We liked each other a lot, but realized we would better for the world as friends, rather than partners.”
Once I made a cake for a homesick Aussie. It was Australia's Byron Bay, complete with the iconic lighthouse on the top of a sandy mountain. It may not have looked exactly like a lighthouse, because when the Aussie saw it, she asked, “Why is the breast smoking a cigarette?” We're still laughing.
For me, the beauty of birthdays go well beyond the laughter. Up next is a story from Sandra Kwawu from the same Boston StorySLAM we just heard from. Here's Sandra, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Sandra: [00:07:41] [laughs] June 14th, 2007, my 16th birthday. I love celebrating my birthday. But this particular year, I was very sad. So, on this particular day, I was laying on the ground looking very, the way most of us did look in 2020, un-showered, hair on brush, tangled up, listening to sad songs and really basking in misery, the way teenagers know how to. I was home with my siblings. My parents gifted me a herd of siblings who are always fighting, doing something, breaking something. But on this particular day, they must have sensed that I just needed a day to be sad. I needed the house to be quiet, because the house was quiet and none of my siblings were inside and that never happens.
So, I'm there playing the sad song, the same sad songs over and over again. Unfortunately, I don't remember which ones, but-- Yeah, I had a few back in the day. So, suddenly, the doorbell rings, breaking this silence. And I was mad. I was like, “I just needed a day to be alone, and sad and listen to sad song. Who dare ring the doorbell?” So, one of my siblings run to me and says, “Sandra, Gloria is here.” And I'm like, “What is Gloria doing here?” Well, I had to go find out. And I go there, I open the door and there she was, my best friend Gloria, with her sister, Kelia. And she said, “It's your birthday. We're here to celebrate.” And I'm like, “I decided to no longer celebrate my birthday. Did you not get the memo?” Clearly, she did not, because she was at my door with her sister, and she had gifts in her hands. So, I had to let her in.
So, she was like, “Sandra, you need to get yourself together.” You could tell-- I mean, 2020 just picture yourself in 2020, and you get the picture. So, yeah, so, she rushed me. She's like, “Is there anything to eat at the house?” I was like, “No.” Saturdays is typically when my grandmother brings in this food and all this stuff, so we didn't have much. So, we had some rice and corned beef. I don't mean the one you eat on St. Patty's Day. I mean, the one that's in the can. I'm talking SPAM. It's basically SPAM.
So, we have rice SPAM and I think a piece of yam that we ended up frying. So, we made this rice. After we made all these random food and we're sitting and eating, I suddenly realized that, not only did we all come together, my siblings, Gloria, Kelia to make this meal, that suddenly we're all enjoying and having a good time, and I realized that my birthday is not necessarily about me. It is about me, I am the focal point of my birthday, but my birthday is about the people in my life.
Now, I have to backtrack the story to explain to you all why I decided not to celebrate my birthday when I turned 16. You see, my mom died the month I turned 15, and that shattered me. I no longer felt safe in the world, and the world became a place that I was in, but I was out of. And for that reason, I felt like my life was basically worthless, because the one person that gave meaning to my life was my mom, and she was taken away. I never saw it coming. It was like I was blindsided. I was hit by a truck full of glass. All that glass was inside of me, but I got to go on and show up in the world. I had no hope left. No joy, no hope, I just had to go through the motions of my life and that's why I felt like my birthday was no longer worth being celebrated.
What happened that day, is that Gloria showing up to celebrate my birthday gave me hope, hope when I had none. She reignited a light that was very dimmed. It was just a tiny little light at that time, but over time, it really carried me through. I also realized that while we were sitting there eating the cheapest meal you could eat on your birthday, I realized that celebrating my birthday is also celebrating my mom, because she gave birth to me and my being alive is a testament of her life. And since then, I've gone on to celebrate my birthday. Some years are more spectacular than others. And today is my birthday [audience cheers and applause]
I'm a Gemini, so I'm going to ask you all to sing me Happy Birthday, because I have five minutes. I still have a few minutes? Okay, go on. [laughs]
[audience signing] Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Sandra. Happy birthday to you. [cheers and applause]
Thank you so much.
[cheers and applause]
Kate: [00:13:33] That was Sandra Kwawu. Sandra loves people and stories, and is always fascinated by stories people share about themselves, as they often hold the essence of our collective human experience. She says that sharing my own is often an outlet, a way to release emotions that are stored inside of me. This just goes to show you, you're never alone at The Moth.
That's all for this episode. From all of us here at The Moth, we hope you have a story filled week and a happy birthday whenever that falls for you.
Marc: [00:14:03] Kate Tellers is a storyteller, host, senior director at The Moth and co-author of their fourth book, How to Tell a Story. Her story, But Also Bring Cheese is featured in The Moth's All these wonders: True Stories about Facing the Unknown. And her writing has appeared on McSweeney's and the New Yorker.
This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson and me, Mark Sullinger. The rest of The Moth's leadership team Sarah Haberman, Catherine Burns, Jenifer Hixson, Meg Bowles, Jennifer Birmingham, Kate Tellers, Marina Klutse, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Lee Ann Gullie and Aldi Kaza. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by the storytellers.
For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.