Linda Grosser - Who Said Age is Just a Number

 

 

So, I'm walking down Newbury Street on my lunch break, and there's this older woman just ahead of me. And then, I stop and I'm gazing in the window and she stops. As I look at her reflection, I realize it's me. [audience laughter] Oh, my God, when did I get so old? I was always the baby in the family. So, whenever I get to one of those decade milestone birthdays and you think about what does that number mean and where am I in my life? 

 

Anyway, later that night, I am sitting in my third-floor apartment just feeling completely sorry for myself. I'm divorced, I have a dent in one breast from cancer surgery and I am full of self-judgment, where am I in my life and who is going to want me? But I did not want to be alone. So, I had no choice.

 

When I put up my online profile, I lied. [audience laughter] I took four years off of my age. [audience laughter] And then, I really got out there. I learned how to swing dance. I learned how to sail. I read a lot of Pema Chödrön. She's this Buddhist nun. I am lovable. I am good enough. But oh my God, dating in midlife-- 

 

First, there's George. I really liked his profile and then I get to the bottom, message me if you are under 40. And then, there's Lyle. Lyle was tall, sexy. We had something going. And then, I find out he is dead broke, and he starts to stalk me. And Stuart. We talk, we decide to meet. I go into Panera’s. “Oh crap, that is Stuart over there, but he looks so old.” Of course, I justified my lie, because my pictures were current. 

 

Well, this was my dating life. It happened like 16 times, except there was only one stalker. [audience laughter] I was disillusioned. I did not like lying, but I was not ready to be honest. So, I took my profile down and I say, I'm just going to go to meetups. You don't have to give your age. You just show up. That was working really fine until it was the fall. And I, for the first time ever, I am approaching a dreaded milestone birthday. And I realize, Linda, like it or not, on November 28th, you are going to be 60. Oh, God. I'm thinking, well, if I have to be 60, I am going to go out in style and have a really big party.

 

So, now, I'm at my friend, Deborah's. I'm in her foyer and I am surrounded by 25 of my most beloved family and friends. I see Jerry and Richard in their tuxedos, because I wanted the attire to be fancy. And Janet and Mike are standing by the punch bowl where they squeezed 50 limes to make my favorite drink, Cosmopolitan's. And my kids, Taylor and Spencer, they made a dance mix, they brought the weed. [audience laughter] 

 

The outpouring of love, I was walking on air. It was just incredible, because that party changed me. I decided that number, my age, just did not define me. And I let go of my own ageism. I'm back at home and I say, okay, I am ready for the truth. I grit my teeth, I put my profile back on and I put on my true age. 

 

I go out to a meetup that night in Democracy House in Harvard Square. It was a Latin band. I met a guy. I think his name was Mark. We chatted and I liked him. He didn't ask for my number. I was disappointed, okay, no big deal. I go home. Next morning, now I'm getting these emails from the dating app. And I open this one profile. Guy is cute. He's 63. He dances. He sails. And now, I'm looking, he looks familiar. Oh, my God, this is Mark, the guy from last night at the meetup. So, I read his message. “Dear Linda, I was really glad to find and read your profile this morning. When we met last night-- [chuckles] when we met last night, I thought you were too young for me.” [audience cheers] 

 

Well, I knew this 60-year-old body was going to be just fine [audience laughter] and I was going to give that Markman a chance. Thank you.