Musih Tedji Xavière’ - Unwritten Rules

 

Growing up in Cameroon, all I ever wanted to be was a writer. My parents’ plan was for me to become an accountant and then get married, in that order. [audience laughter] But writing is the best way, and sometimes the only way, I know how to express myself. In school, I looked up to authors such as Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde, and Chinua Achebe, most of whom were Western authors. My role models were all men, because at school, we were only taught literature by men. I don't know if this was by design or if it was an oversight. I never imagined that a woman could be a writer, but I wanted to be just like this when I grew up. 

 

I was 24 years old when I finished writing my first novel. I'd been writing the novel for about five years. I had to save money to pay for the publication of this book, because in Cameroon, self-publishing is the only option available to writers. We don't have book publishers. What we have are printing houses where the writer pays for the cost of printing. 

 

Writing this book was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life, because at the same time, I had to keep up with my studies at university, stay up nights trying to perfect my craft and working part-time at a beverage company in order to save money. The pay was not good, by the way, and I had to save up to one million francs CFA, which is around $2,000 USD. 

 

My parents did not always have the means to support me, which is why I learned to be resourceful at a very young age. They did not understand why I was so driven to become a writer either. When my mom came across me writing, she would sit down with me and say, "You and this your writing, no man will want to marry you. [audience chuckle] Try and be like your mates." I understood why my parents felt that way. They were concerned, because writing is an unusual path to follow, especially for a woman in my culture. 

 

Regardless, I knew what I wanted, and I wanted to be a writer. I am the sort of person who believes that hard work and determination can get you anywhere in life. When I had saved up enough money, the first thing I did was rush to a printing house with a lot of excitement. The manager of the printing house gave me this doubtful look and said, "You wrote a novel? What's it about?" I said, “It's a coming-of-age story exploring the life of a young girl in an all-girl West African boarding school.” He said, "Wow, I would love to work with you. But you see, company law does not allow me to enter into contract with a woman without a male representative." 

 

I was confused, and I said, “I wrote the book, and I have the money to pay for the cost of printing. So, what are you talking about?” First of all, there are no laws in Cameroon that prohibit women from representing themselves. There are certainly no rules that state that a woman needs a male representative in order to sign a contract. But this guy was adamant, and he said, "I am sorry. This is just the way that things are done in the printing business." 

 

Clearly, they had their own special set of rules. It was not enough that I had written the book and saved the money. I needed a man to sign my contract for me. We argued for a while, and then I got angry and I left. I kept saying to myself that if he did not want to work with me, then I was going to find another printing house that was willing to. Having someone else's name on a contract that was supposed to be about my hard work would have taken away my sense of accomplishment. So, I pushed on.

 

But two months, four printing houses and four rejections later, I started to doubt myself. I started to wonder if hard work and determination was actually what it took to get anyone ahead in life. I felt as if I had overestimated myself. And then, one day, I confided in a friend of mine. I said to him, “This whole thing is giving me a headache. Maybe bringing in a man to sign the contract will be easier for me.” He said, "Before you give up, I know this other printing house that I want you to try." 

 

The place he was suggesting was very far, and I was reluctant to go. I did not think that I had the stamina to withstand another no. But I decided to give it one last try. I had to take a six-hour bus ride from the northwest region to the central region of Cameroon in order to find this place. I arrived in the morning. It had rained, and the road was wet and slippery, as I walked up to the building where the printing house was. When I knocked, I heard someone say, "Come in." I pushed the door open, and sitting behind the desk was a woman. I had gone there expecting to find a man, but I was taken by surprise when I saw that the proprietor of the place was a woman. Her office looked more like our living room. The place smelled like food, and there were three little children playing with toys on the floor, and she was yelling and trying to feed them. I immediately started thinking to myself, oh God, she's a woman. Maybe she'll help me. But my idea of how the world works had shifted in a way that I also stopped myself from hoping too much, in case she said no. 

 

When I sat down, this woman said to me, "Welcome, my daughter. What can I do for you?" I said, “I wrote a novel and I want to print.” She looked at me and said, "You wrote a whole novel by yourself? But you're so young. I would love to work with you. But in order for that to happen, you know that you need a man to handle the contract for you, right?" And then, she went on to tell me that her husband had just passed away, that is the reason why she was in charge of the business until her son was mature enough to take over.

 

I was in tears when I said to this woman, I said, "Look, you are a woman like me. You of all people should understand why I am reluctant to have someone else speak for me. This is my dream, and I want my name on my contract." I had hoped to appeal to her emotionally, but she still ended up saying no. So, I stood up and I walked to the door. I don't remember a time in my life when I felt more defeated. I was seriously considering giving up on writing, writing for good. I was tired of chasing a dream that clearly wasn't going to happen for me.

 

And then this woman said, "Xavière’, come back." I came back and sat across from her. She gave me this intense look and said, "Huh, you remind me so much of my daughter. She is so stubborn." And then, she said, "We have never signed a contract with a woman before, but I will make an exception for you." It took me a while to digest her meaning. When I did, I was filled with all these emotions that made me smile and cry at the same time. I could not believe that it was finally happening. I honestly cannot remember anything the woman said after that. [audience laughter] 

 

My hands were shaking when she reached into a drawer and brought out a printing contract for me to fill out and sign. I know that my story does not compare to signing a book deal with a known publisher. But for someone like me, considering where I grew up, signing that printing contract was a first big step for me. That woman's decision to go against company rules just to give me a chance when no one else would taught me never to give up. Her actions taught me that in addition to hard work and determination, that we all need a hand every now and then. 

 

My parents still don't get it. [audience chuckle] But recently, they stumbled across positive reviews of my novel and they seemed proud. This was six years ago, and that woman's son runs a printing house now, and I am happy to say that he now works with male and female writers, and that the rules and traditions are changing. Slowly but surely, more women writers have a chance. Thank you.