Gwen Carmen - Tips for Dying

 

 

In 1986, I was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. And at the time, I was working in the middle school from hell in San Francisco. [audience laughter] And my students, they would come in the room. I knew I was working with the at-risk students, but I didn't know I grew up with the school in the 50s, so if we did something wrong, it would get to our parents before we got home. So, I'm not used to a student come up to me and saying, “You bitch, you fat. Fuck you, bitch. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,” ba, ba, ba. So, I'm not used to that. [audience laughter] 

 

So, anyway, the doctor, he was all grim and sad and he said, “You know, you have six months to live.” I didn't process it, because it was an eight-hour surgery. I'm up here trying to high five him and saying, “Yay, I don't have to go to that shitty middle school anymore. Yay.” [audience laughter] And I'm trying to high five him. He's got his hands behind his back looking all grim. I don't get it until a few weeks later. So, anyway, well, here I am. And suddenly, I process I'm going to die. So, I get upset and the nurse is saying, “You need to get up and walk around the room.” 

 

So, I had one nasty nurse says, “No, patient refuses to get out of the bed.” And I'm going, “How dare you talk to me like that. [audience laughter] I am dying. I have a right to lay in the bed.” [audience laughter] But there's a reason you have to get out of the bed, because bed sores one and it helps with your circulation. So, she was just really nasty. She was like cut and dry. She wasn't all sympathetic like the other nurses. Anyway, one of the things, why I was upset about dying, I don't know how to die. How do you do this? 

 

So, I started crying. One of the women I worked with called me up and said, she's one of these old school Christians, she said, “Stop that crying. Jesus Christ is your Lord. When it's time for you to go, it’s time for you to go and say to yourself. There's no such thing as cancer.” So, with that I said, “Okay.” [audience laughter] So, I said I have to deal with that. [audience laughter] 

 

So, anyway, right after I hung up with her-- We had a rare thunderstorm. So, that was an omen right there. So, anyway, I get out of the hospital, two weeks later. Oh, by the way, they did a Whipple. I was lucky, because they had invented this thing to help with pancreatic cancer. But one of the things that I had to deal with also was going through chemotherapy and radiation. They put me on six weeks of chemotherapy and radiation. So, then what helped me get through this whole thing was reading Elisabeth Kübler-Ross the Stages of Dying, because I didn't know how to die. So, I said, I'll go to the library, figure out how to die. [audience laughter]

 

And hers is all the rest of those books are like, woo, woo, woo. But hers was really direct, real people's stories. That's why I'm standing here today. It helped me get through the crisis and also having a positive attitude. I would like to end this by saying I was lucky enough to have health. I got health insurance through that job, and I had the best damn doctors. Everybody in America should have health insurance. Thank you very much.