Beverley Elliott - The Yellow Dress 

 

It's an all-female singer-songwriter night, Chicks with Picks. [audience laughter] I'm the last one up and I sing my three songs. I think they were the only three songs that I had written at that point. I end with my song called Yellow Dress. Now, it's a song about lost love. The chorus goes, She once had dreams, she once had confidence. She had a heart that knew what's best. And one time, she felt like a movie star in her yellow dress.

 

So, I sing my song and I get a standing ovation from one man, [audience laughter] in the very back of the room. Thank you, sir. Yes. Shortly thereafter, all the singer-songwriters are sitting around a table having drinks and then this odd, wiry-looking, ill-fitting-suit, crazy energy starts coming towards me, and he says, "You touched my heart." [audience laughter] And I said, “Oh, thank you. You're the man who gave me the standing ovation." He says, "Yes, your song, Yellow Dress, oh, mwah. Oh, I love it." And I said, “Well, thank you. That's really generous. Thank you so much.” "No, no, you got to hear me. You were the best all night, way better than all of them." [audience laughter] I'm like, “Okay. Awkward, sorry gals" really a lot better than them. No. [audience laughter] 

 

And I said, “Thank you, you're really, really kind.” He goes, "No, no, no. Really, really, like, you have to know, I just came from Greece where they stand up for people, they smash dishes, they throw money." "They throw money, really?” [audience laughter] “And your music was just amazing. I can't believe that you don't have a yellow dress," which I forgot to say that I never actually even owned a yellow dress. That song was a fictional song, but in my real life, I never even owned a yellow dress.

 

So, he said to me, "I can't believe you don't own a yellow dress. I'm going to buy you a yellow dress." And I said, “No, it's okay.” He goes, "No, no, I want to buy you a yellow dress. What's your size?" [audience chuckle] So, I scan the table of women and I bump it down a couple. "12-ish." “From my soul to your soul, I love you,” and he leaves. [chuckles] Okay. So, two months later, it's February, and my single musician friends and I are trying to think up a plan to get us through Valentine's. Because Valentine's is loaded and Valentine's, being single, is lethal. So, we decide to have a singer-songwriter night, and we're going to call it Feeling Single, Drinking Double. [audience laughter] 

 

We invite every single unattached person we know to come out and celebrate with us. We're going to beat this thing. I've never really had very good luck with Valentine's. I never even had a boyfriend during Valentine's. Didn't ever get flowers or champagne. It just hadn't happened at that point in my life for me. I'd eaten many boxes of chocolates and watched The Notebook over and over. But this year, I've got it underhand. So, February 14th arrives. I wake up and my heart is sad. And I think, no, come on, I've arranged this. And it's like, “No, I'm single. I don't have anyone in my life and I'm--" Come on. Come on, Beverley.

 

 

So, I make a deal with Miss Universe. I say, “You know, can you just give me a sign, a signal, anything, like a cinnamon heart, a fallen flower on the ground, chocolate, anything? I will recognize it. It doesn't have to be big, but just to let me know that love is in my future somewhere and I'll be grateful.” So, the day goes on and nothing happens. And then that night at the gig, I take the stage. I'm the delegated emcee, and I welcome everyone. “Hello, you lovable, lonely losers. Just kidding, we're not alone tonight. We're all together, and that's why we're here on Valentine's.” 

 

And the front door flings open. And this wild, crazy energy, whirling dervish, kind of Tasmanian devil comes right up to the stage, "Beautiful lady, I found you." It's him. It's the guy. And he says, "For you. For you, I have a gift," and he hands me an elegantly wrapped box, rectangular box with a big bow on top. "For you, for your song." "Open it," yells a heckler. "It's Valentine's." 

 

So, I take the lid off the box and I pull back the tissue paper. And inside is this beautiful sequined golden gown. It's a dress, a yellow dress. It's to the floor, it's backless, strapless, really low-cut in the front, big slit up the side, [audience laughter] two sizes too small. It's a movie star dress. It's like Ginger from Gilligan's Island. [audience laughter] "Do you like it? Do you like your dress?" Never in my life had I considered wearing a dress like that, had I seen this body in that kind of a dress. "Put it on," yells the heckler. "It's Valentine's." [audience laughter] 

 

So, I introduce the first act, and I take the dress backstage and then I come out to find the guy, because I want to find out what he wants in exchange. He's sitting at a table and he's reading a menu. So, I say, "That was an incredibly generous gift you've just given me. It was a beautiful, beautiful dress, and thank you so much." And he says, "You're welcome. It's for you." [audience laughter] 

 

So, I try to initiate more conversation, but he doesn't bite. He tells me his name, doesn't give me his card, doesn't ask me on a date, doesn't want my number, doesn't want to sleep with me, nothing. He just wanted me to have a yellow dress, a yellow dress that I have yet to squeeze myself into. [audience laughter] But every time I look at it, I feel beautiful. [audience aww]