Susan Rohde - The Thrill of Victory

 

 

So, I was always the last picked on the sports teams. Always. I don't tell you this to garner sympathy, so I win tonight. [audience laughter] It was just a fact. I was short, a little bit heavy. My mom used to cut my bangs, so they looked like the skyline of Chicago. [audience laughter] I only had one eyebrow that went straight across. And I wasn't very athletic. 

 

So, I actually would not have been allowed in the vacant lot to even compete if it weren't for my older sister who had some status with the cool kids. So, I got in. But even my sister didn't want me on her team. So, just whoever was stuck with me. So, it was a Saturday, and we were playing wiffle ball, and it was my turn to bat. I hated my turn to bat, because the spotlight is on my incompetence-- I was wondering, like, “Why do I put myself through this?” But I did. 

 

So, I'm ready to bat. The pitch comes towards me and I swing and there was this thwack, this loud sound, and the ball soared over everybody's head and my eyebrows shot up [audience laughter] and I saw the ball roll to the back of the vacant lot. And my team is screaming, “Run.” So, I ran. I ran to first and I made it. And they said, “Keep running.” So, I kept running and I made it to second base standing up, no problem. [chuckles] I was beside myself. I'm not sure I had ever hit a ball, let alone a fly double, stand up, I am there. [chuckles] [audience applause]

 

Thank you. Thank you. So, while I'm waiting for the next batter, I have this fantasy in my head of my teammates, like hoisting me onto their shoulders [audience laughter] and carrying me out of the vacant lot to this podium they had just built [audience laughter] for me to receive my award. I am so lost in my fantasy [audience laughter] that I don't notice the next batter who hits a high fly towards second where I step off the base and I caught it. [audience laughter]

 

Never. I was beside myself. I hit a double, I caught a fly ball. [audience laughter] Surely, I am in a league of my own. [audience laughter] I am so excited until I hear this laughing. The other team is clearly laughing at me. My team is so mad, so angry. There is this fight breaking out over whether that should count as one or two outs, [audience laughter] because those rules have not been written yet in baseball. [audience laughter] So, while the two teams fought this out, I sulked out of the vacant lot, fully understanding the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.