Theresa Thames - The Rough Side of the Mountain

 

 

It's New Year's Eve, and I'm at church. This is the worship service that people come to on New Year's Eve if they don't want to drink, they don't want to party. Unhoused neighbors would come to this service for safety. I was there, because I was the pastor. I had chosen the short stick, so I ended up at this service on New Year's Eve. 

 

So, there I was getting everybody together, getting ready to do the liturgy. And this couple walks in, and they are overly dressed. She has on this fitted ball gown and he has on a full tuxedo. They stood out. After that service, they came back. Sunday after Sunday, they would sit together. She eventually joined the choir. He asked me to baptize him. And I did. But one particular Sunday, they came up to me so excited, all hugged up, and they said, “Pastor T, we want to ask you a question. Will you marry us?” 

 

For those who do not know, pastors do not like weddings. We do not want to spend our Friday and Saturday with you and all of your family drama. Weddings are actually the cacophony of mama bridezilla, drunk brother, stepmom, stepdad don't get along, the kids running around. No. No. But before I could get my no out, they said, “Pastor T, our wedding will be in Hawaii and we will pay you all expenses, fly you first class.” [audience laughter] “Yes. Yes, yes, yes, I would love to do your wedding.” I had never been to Hawaii, never flown first class, all the way from Washington, D.C. So, I was there. I made a vacation out of it. 

 

I get there, and its 4th of July weekend. This wedding is what a wedding is supposed to be. The bride is adopted from Korea. Her adopted family has this estate overlooking the waterfront in Hawaii. It is magnificent. Everyone is making a fuss over the bride. I am there as the pastor, but also, I am there as a newly divorcee. I don't know if I believe in this type of love anymore. I don't know if I believe in all of the oohs and aahs. But as the bride is walking down the aisle, I have a little bit of hope. I'm able to see that these people really do love each other. I've seen their love grow Sunday after Sunday over the last couple of years. So, the wedding is done, I'm feeling good. 

 

And then, I do the other thing that I typically do not do, confession number two. Pastors hate wedding receptions. You know what happens at a wedding receptions? People pull you to the side and they want you to solve the family drama, “It's out now. You are the pastor. So, they want you to pray about something. Somebody wants to confess something to you, or somebody wants to take you in the corner to show you something weird.” I typically do not do wedding receptions. It's alcohol and people. No, but I was in Hawaii, so I danced. I took that robe off. I was free. We danced until 04:00 in the morning, because I had made a vacation out of this trip. I was walking around the streets in Hawaii the next day, soaking up the sun. 

 

And then, when I looked around, I realized that Hawaii is for lovers, for families. That's where people went to honeymoon and family vacation. And that love, that type of family romantic love was not something that I held anymore. And so, I took my broken heart back to the hotel room with some takeout, and chocolate covered macadamias and pineapples. I was eating and crying and watching something on the TV, and I was like, “Girl, if you don't get out of this hotel room, you are in Hawaii.” So, I was like, “Okay, I need to do something.” 

 

 

So, I go downstairs to the hotel lobby. They have that kiosk, but all of the brochures of what to do while you're in a place. I looked and I found one that said, Hike Diamond Head Mountain. It was like a beginner's hike, easy, anybody can do it. I was like, “All right. You know, I can do it.” So, I'm from Mississippi. I ain't never been on no hike before. I don't know what to pack. I packed some water bottles, lunch, a basket, some scissors, rope. I don't know what you need on a hike. [audience laughter]

 

I put my hair up. I had these long dreadlocks. I put my hair up, put on my sandals. Here we go. I took public transportation to Diamond Head Mountain. I get there. I'm going, we hiking, feeling good. And then, five minutes in, reality set in. Three things were against me. Number one, it is 4th of July weekend and it is hot as hell. I am sweating so hard that chocolate drops are following me behind. [audience laughter] I'm hiking and I'm breathing. 

 

Number two, that pamphlet lied. This was not no beginner's hike. I was going up the rough side of the mountain. These fitness enthusiasts were running past me like gazelles. I wanted to trip them. [audience laughter] I am struggling here. The third thing that was against me was that at the time, I was literally 250 pounds heavier than I am now. So, I'm carrying all of this weight, and I'm sweating and I'm hot. I'm having labored breathing, and it is-- This isn’t beginner's hike. 

 

So, I'm going up and I'm trying to get to the top. I'm slowing down. I'm out of water, the sun is beating. I get to the point of the hike where the path is narrow. I'm waiting on the side, because I just can't physically do it and I was like, “Girl, do not fall out on the side of a mountain in Hawaii. This is not the place.” I get to the almost to the top, and there's a tunnel that you have to go through. And then, my heart started palpitating and I was having anxiety. I was about to turn around, and I was holding up the line, trying to breathe and I was embarrassed, and I was ashamed and I was like, “You know what? I can say that I made it this far.” 

 

This strange couple, I didn't know them, they came up to me and they said, “What if we go with you? If you put your hand on my husband's shoulder and I put my hand on your shoulder, we'll guide you through the tunnel.” And step by step, we entered the tunnel. I felt claustrophobic. It was pitch black. I'm sweating and I'm breathing. And then, there was this coolness inside. There was no light, but there was no sun. We're shuffling through, and I'm breathing. Before I knew it, the light was coming in through the tunnel. 

 

As I exited, it felt as if I had been born again. This sense of accomplishment that I did this thing and the view was so worth it. I'm all in my fields. I'm crying. People are cheering for me. I move over to the side with my book bag full of all this stuff and I'm crying. I'm taking selfies. People are taking pictures with me. I have a whole congregation on top of the mountain. [audience applause]

 

I'm sitting down on the ground with this book bag. The next thing I know, I let my hair down and I just start cutting my hair. I'm crying and just cutting lock by lock of my hair. Before I left D. C., I read somewhere a quote from Coco Chanel that says, “When a woman cuts her hair, she is ready to change the world.” I sat on the ground, and I'm cutting and I'm crying, and I'm cutting and crying. My congregation is starting to get concerned. [audience laughter] They're not really sure about this. There's not a lot of melanated people on their mountain either. So, they're like, “We don't know what's going on.” But there was this freedom. I put my hair in this basket. 

 

As I turn around to go back through that tunnel down, I was not afraid. I was ready. I was confident. I was like A-Tisket, A-Tasket. I got hair all up in my basket. [audience laughter] I was ready. I felt like one of the gazelles going down. It was amazing. I get on the bus. I get back to the hotel. I look in the mirror and I looked a hot as mess. [audience laughter] There was no mirror on the mountain. My fro was all raggedy and crooked. [audience laughter] I straightened it out. 

 

As I looked in that mirror, I saw myself. I saw me. I wasn't hiding behind any hair. 11 years of hair I had grown, and it was me. Me. And then, I did another badass thing. I slathered my body down with whatever banana boat sunscreen they had in that bathroom. I put on a two-piece swimsuit. [audience cheers and applause]

 

I took my basket of hair and I sashayed through the hotel lobby without a cover up on. [audience cheers and applause]

 

I walked out, and there was this huge rock right on the edge of the water. I walked out to that rock and I put that basket of hair in the Pacific Ocean. As I watched that basket float away, what I knew, is that in that basket was not just 11 years of locks. It was 11 years of compromising, it was 11 years of bad love, it was 11 years of not having boundaries, 11 years of settling, 11 years of turning around, 11 years of not seeing myself. [audience cheers and applause] 

 

And I was free. I was free. A year later, back in D.C., my life radically changed. And on a Sunday, a year later, that couple stood before me. But this time, they stood before me, so that I could baptize their baby girl. And they named her Grace. I went to Hawaii to do a wedding. I cut off my hair. But a year later and all of these years later, I've been overwhelmed by amazing grace. Thank you.