Michele Castellano - The Craigslist Broker

 

So, I didn't realize how Midwestern I am until I moved to New York City, specifically, when I tried to get my first apartment in New York City off of Craigslist. I had been there for all of six weeks. I was subletting a bedroom in an apartment where I had eight other roommates. Someone rented the couch, someone rented the other couch and someone rented the broom closet for $200 a month, I swear to God. So, after spending six weeks there in Real World Bushwick, I decided I had to get the hell out and went to Craigslist to find my own place. 

 

So, you see, at the time, I was very busy, super stressed, had a really high-pressure job. It was Fashion Week. I was working for a big brand where I held the really important role of unpaid intern. [audience laughter] So, taking an afternoon off was not allowed and not even an option. Photos would have to do. I had to rent an apartment based off of the photos. So, this is where it goes from dumb to unbelievable. So, please just bear with me. 

 

If you've ever rented an apartment in New York City before, it's pretty standard that you need three months’ rent to get a new place. You need the first month's rent, the last month's rent and a third month, which is a non-refundable broker's fee for all of their hard work. That was fine. I had set that aside and planned for it. However, you also had to prove that in addition to that, you made 40 times the rent. And if you didn't make 40 times the rent, you needed a co-signer that made 80 times the rent. 

 

So, at $0 an hour, I did not make 40 times the rent in Williamsburg. My parents back home in Missouri did not make 80 times the rent. So, I told this to my Craigslist broker, my savior, and he said, “No problem. Just give me six months’ rent up front.” And I said, “No problem. [audience laughter] You have a business card. You have an office. Here, let me just give you the majority of my savings. No further questions.” So, we meet up, we sign the lease. I give him six months’ rent in cashier's checks in exchange for a set of keys and we go our separate ways. 

 

I go to the apartment to check it out immediately. When I go to the end of the building, I can't. The keys don't work. They don't fit the lock. It's that simple. So, another tenant is kind enough to let me in. I realize not only are the keys not real, the apartment isn't real. There are no vacant units in the entire building. Although I have just signed a lease saying this is my new address and I have movers scheduled to bring my things to this new address the next day, there is no apartment. So, I call my friend from Craigslist. He doesn't answer. I call him about 100 more times. My heart is racing like never before. The room was spinning. I start mentally retracing what I have from this person. 

 

I go back to his office where I met him. It turned out it was a shared desk that he had rented with cash. I look at the business card I had from him and it was one of those free ones that is basically just an ad for Vistaprint. So, I try to call his number again and it's been disconnected. It's now the first of the month. I have nowhere to live, absolutely no money to get a new apartment and no way to reach the man who has it all. Luckily, between the couches and the broom closet though, I had plenty of places to crash while I figured it out. 

 

So, my first thing was I tried to take any legal action I could, and I find out that the apartment wasn't real and this man wasn't real. No one with his name had ever received a broker's license in the state of New York. Not only that, but the LLC that I made out all my cashiers’ checks too was never registered. So, there was nothing I could do legally. So, I left the courthouse really hopeless that day. And in a last ditch, just decided to get on the Internet and see what Nancy Drew shit I could do, what I could find on this guy. [audience laughter] I didn't have anything left to do. His name was Nathan Smith also. So, it really doesn't get more generic or fake than that. So, I really had a hard time. 

 

Anyway, I'm on the internet. This takes me to a website called the ripoffreport. And the ripoffreport is exactly what it sounds like. I highly recommend it. It is like Yelp gone rogue. [audience laughter] It is really a great tool. So, on the ripoffreport, this guy's name is everywhere. At least, a dozen times. He's been running this scam in Brooklyn for about two or three months and he's still at it. So, I go through the comments and I'm able to find his new phone number. I take it down. But instead of calling him, I call the Brooklyn police. I tell them exactly what happened to me, how much money was taken, which was a lot, and I tell them what was happening to other people, so I thought. I couldn't believe it, but they told me to come in the next day and they were going to open a case. 

 

So, I work with my friends at the ripoffreport. I'm like, “Hey, guys, we finally have a case against this guy. If you want to do anything, come on into the 90th Precinct.” So, in the course of two weeks, two dozen people came forward that had been ripped off by this one Craigslist scammer. He's stolen over $40,000 from all of us, total. The reason no one had ever been able to bring a case against him is because he had taken amounts from each individual just small enough to not be grand larceny until he met Miss Midwestern, “Oh, my gosh, please take my money. [audience applause] And no questions asked, here you go.” [audience cheers and applause] So, he has no idea to this day that it was me, the sucker of all suckers that was responsible for a sting operation that led to him being arrested inside of a Starbucks. [audience cheers and applause] 

 

 I like to think that they did it, like right after they called his name and he picked up his drink, but I have no idea. [audience laughter] I don't know how it went down. All I know is that one year later, after this all happened, I get a call from an unknown number telling me to get my checks. So, I went in and I got my money back. [audience cheers and applause] 

 

Thank you. Thank you. I like to think that I'm still just as trusting of people, for better or for worse, and I still find all of my apartments on Craigslist. But now, when I meet a new landlord or broker, I like to casually mention the one I had arrested. Thanks. [audience laughter]