Mary Furlong Coomer - The Advanced Beginner

 

I grew up thinking that a life partner and a dance partner should be the same person. Thank you, Fred and Ginger. [audience chuckles] I never had that much trouble finding anybody to marry me, until I gave it up myself as something of a youthful folly. Dance partners, while not exactly plentiful, were not totally absent either. And these days, even now, if I would like to dance, I bring out my corn-pone magnolia blossom accent. "Young man, I'm wondering if I could persuade you to bring some joy to my declining years [audience laughter] by dancing with me."

 

Now, I'm going to talk a lot about dancing. I don't want you to think I'm really a good dancer, a great dancer, or anything. I mean, I can hear the beat usually. We can see that I am not possessed of that classic dancer's body that makes us all wonder where they keep their internal organs. [audience laughter] I grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, and in my generation, gently reared young ladies were treated to tap and ballet lessons by their parents. Also in that parental package was attendance at the ballet. And in our case, in Louisville, Kentucky, once a year, José Greco came through with his flamenco company. 

 

And even then, you could see a lot of flamenco dancing on The Ed Sullivan Show. I completely fell in love with that type of dancing. The castanets, the fans, the shawls, the loud clacking of the feet and everything. Of course, you couldn't study it back then, where I was from. But I felt that somehow or other this was mine. I just wanted to do that. And so, when we had our dance recital, and there was a gypsy-esque dance in that recital, and it was given to another child who got to wear the black and red costume. Probably could tell her right from her left. She was a better dancer, I have to say. But I was just devastated. And the fact that I was 12 years old and I'm still talking about it should [audience laughter] convince you that I'm serious about this whole flamenco thing. [audience laughter]

 

So, life happens, 30- or 40-years pass, and normal things. I had a wonderful child. I taught school. Things just go along. And flamenco was on that distant shore. And every now and then, you see a little something on TV or in a movie and think, yeah, I remember how I used to feel about wanting to do that. Then when I was about 65, moving right along, [audience laughter] I had a really rough time. I lost a little money. I think a lot of people did around that time. [chuckles] 

 

I retired, and it felt very sudden to me. I met somebody who just knocked me off my perch, I have to say, and I thought, what is going on? I'm becoming an old lady. I have this huge crush on this man who seems to like me, too. Oh my God, I had the rest of my life figured out and this was not in it. But I didn't have to worry because nothing ever really came of it. It ended before it started. Now, of course, now I'm heartbroken. [chuckles] I'm like, “What am I going to do? Oh, no. Oh, dear.” 

 

And so, I was very depressed. That kind of falling is one thing, but then I fell down the stairs, too. [audience laughter] Messed up my shoulder. I opened the freezer to get a frozen bottle of water out, and it fell on my toe, and I broke my toe. And over the years, I've done a little dancing, but now, I just hurt. My shoulder hurt, my toe hurt, my heart hurt. I was just really down and really sad. Even though in my depression and my weight gain and all that, I knew exercise was the answer to everything, but I also knew I wasn't going to do it because [audience laughter] I just hurt all over. It was really a really difficult time. 

 

I felt really old. I felt spent. It was just really difficult time. But time passes, and I crawled up out of that hole somehow. I bought a Fitbit. [audience laughter] I was always very reluctant in this area, but I just pushed myself and forced myself. So, then I heard about this dance not too far from my house at this VFW post, and it turns out I went, and I was the youngest person there. [audience laughter] It wasn't really supposed to be a senior citizen dance. It was just supposed to be a dance, and they just all got old, [audience laughter] the ones who didn't die. 

 

And so, they had this really big dance floor. This guy plays live music, not a band, but live music. He's alive. [audience laughter] I didn't really expect anybody to dance with me. And then, finally, this one lovely gentleman, he's very nice, he's 89. They're just so cute at that age. [audience laughter] He started asking me to dance and criticizing my hairdo. [audience chuckles] One night he said, "For a woman your age, you don't really have all that many wrinkles." [chuckles] Just sweet. [audience laughter] 

 

So, that motivated me, and then you get a little momentum going. One day I'm sitting in my house on Facebook and ping, there's something on there from this girl I know. She wasn't directing it at me. She just said, "Well, is there anybody out there who wants to teach the senior citizen fitness class at the Y? We just can't find anybody to teach those people." I messaged her, I said, "Take that down right now and give me the number." [chuckles] I'm just thinking, why not? I had actually attended that class a few years before, and I thought I could probably maybe do that. Plus, it would get my sorry self out of the house two days a week, two classes on those two days. 

 

She gave me the number, and two days later, I was hired. So, she said, "Now, we have quite a bit of training. You have to take CPR and those-- that thing I'm supposed to know the name of you know the fibrillator thing that's-- they're hanging all over the place. I had to learn how to-- please, don't-- [chuckles] please. I hope everybody's fine right now. But anyway, and then I drove up to Columbus, Ohio, to take the silver sneakers training. Silver sneakers are very strict. You're dealing with a fragile demographic here. I have to remind them three times every class to drink water, and I have to say, the chair is there if you need it and I have to do all this stuff.

 

So, finally, they let me teach. So, between the people on Sunday night, the dancers on Sunday night, and then my classes on Tuesday and Thursday, I'm supposed to be motivating them, but these people show up on those rolly things and all that stuff. And yes, they do die, but not in class. Yeah. [audience chuckles] But the thing is, it's not inactivity that's taking them down. It's something else, because they're dancing up to the end. They're working out up to the end. They're in their 80s and 90s. I find this very inspiring.

 

So, one day I was walking past Flamenco Louisville. We do have one of the finest flamenco schools in that whole area. And I thought to myself, okay, I've got the money, I've got the time, I believe I had the stamina. And look, there's the opportunity. So, I just went into Flamenco Louisville, and I said, "What's the story?" They said, "Well, we have a beginner-beginner class." And I thought, don't you dare say it's 8 o'clock in the morning, because even my love of flamenco, I don't know if I could do that. She said, "It's 1 o'clock on Saturday." 

 

So, I showed up at 1 o'clock on Saturday for the beginner-beginner class. That was September of 2014. I'm still in the beginner-beginner class. [audience laughter] You don't get promoted until you learn a whole lot of stuff. [audience laughter] But I'm committed. "Progress, not perfection," I put that on a shirt. "Progress, not perfection." I never got worse at anything. I practiced. I didn't always get better, [audience chuckles] but I never got worse. So, every Saturday and sometimes every now and then, I have a private class. Paid for by the YMCA salary. [chuckles] And I just go. When I go to Spain in two months’ time, I will be going as a tourist. But in my heart, I will also be going as a dancer. Thank you.