Evie O'Reilly - Tangled up in Orange

 

 

So, the first time you do the naked Solstice Cycle, you want to look amazing, and you have a lot of plans and you have a lot of objectives, and they fall away because you have life. And so, the day before you get body paint and that morning you wake up earlier than you ever normally wake up on a Saturday, and you paint yourself and you look in the mirror and you think, oh, I look fantastic. My God, I should do this every day. I thought I was bad at makeup, but this is amazing. [audience laughter] 

 

Now, this was established with clown paint down the center of my body, a smashing green side and orange side, because I was going to be the Irish flag. [audience laughter] And then, you have this moment where you look at yourself, this is brilliant. God, just such a- What about my back? [audience laughter] And so, you panic and you think, he'll be up. Never mind he'll be up. He'll do it. And so, you ring your friends and you get that morning like, “What? Hiya. What are you up to?” “I was asleep.” “Great. That's brilliant. I love that. Look, would you mind coming over?” “Are you all right?” “Yeah, I'm great. I need you to paint my bum.” [audience laughter] “I'm sorry, what?” “I need you to paint my bum.” 

 

Long, long pause. [audience laughter] “Okay.” Click. Minutes later, I'm being painted now. The next thing was, I hadn't actually worked out at the time I lived in Capitol Hill, how to get to Fremont. Normally, I would have taken a bus, but that seemed like a very bad idea under my current situation. [audience laughter] Plus, I now had a bike that I wasn't entirely confident could make it to Fremont. I was sure it could make it somewhat along the race, whatever we're calling it. But to Fremont, I don't know. So, I now think, and I look at my friends, I'm like, “Your boyfriend has a car, right?” She goes, “Yeah.” “So, what's Dan doing this morning?” [audience laughter] 

 

Next thing I know, this poor exhausted teacher is getting me in my car going, “Try not to get paint—too late. There's going to be paint. There is paint to this day.” So, he gets me there. And then, I have the next bit which I can't work out, which I'm like, “Oh, there's all these people. How are we actually going to drive in to drop me off? I'm a proper part of this parade.” I realized the only way to do this is to be dropped at The Nickerson Street Saloon, get out and then run across the bridge with my bike holding it, and then scream at the crowds, “I'm sticky. Let me through.” [audience laughter] This works very well. If you're ever in an emergency, [audience laughter] people scatter. 

 

This was a while ago. At the time, there's still this vague fear of it being illegal and people-- Basically, I had no clue where to meet the other cyclists. So, I'm looking around, looking around, looking around. Finally, it's a moment of delight. You see another naked cyclist, you're like, “Fantastic, Great, we're all here. I'm doing something proper.” So, I meet up with them. We're all outside Hales, and they're like, “Oh, we do this little cycle to Ballard first and then we come around.” And I'm going, “I don't know what you're talking about. I live on Capitol Hill, but I'll follow you anywhere.” 

 

It was brilliant. It was the year of the World cup and a lot of people were in different countries. So, the Irish thing, I got a lot of people screaming, “Go, Italy.” And I was like, “Yeah, EU, we're all alike. It's great.” [audience laughter] Well, up until recently, but that's another story. So, we're cycling along the area and it's great. We're almost at 15th, and suddenly, that feather boa that I put on my bike is bringing back that quote from the Avengers where they say “No capes.”

 

It turns out no feather boas either, because it gets stuck in my chain. They all keep going. And I'm going, “Wait. Wait for me. Please wait. Please. Oh, no.” And so, I'm there outside a coffee shop, furiously tearing feathers from my bike chain, fully naked painting as I as families are getting their morning coffee with their small children, [audience laughter] looking at me going, “Oh, isn't that authentic?” [audience laughter] And now, all I can do is cycle around the free large area, which, as I said, I had no clue where I was. I keep cycling and cycling, I'm looking for them, no clue where they are. I would come across random people and I'd go, “Hello, have you seen a large group of naked cyclists?” And they go, “No, just you.” [audience laughter] 

 

Now, this went on for 20 minutes. [audience laughter] The longest 20 minutes of my life. And yet, I had a little dress. I never put it on. I kept going. I looked endlessly. And finally, I found them. I had this amazing race and it was like this amazing justification. I'd been at my lowest low and I'd found them. At the very, very, very, very end of the whole thing, I was at PCC. I put the dress on, but I had the silver wig and I was still painted. I felt a hand on my bum and I thought, what the job? This is not that time. I turn around and there's nobody there. I look down. There's a tiny little person. She's about five. She looks at me and she goes, “Are you real?” [audience laughter] And I was like, “Yeah, I'm pretty sure.” I mean, it's up for some debate at times, but yeah. She goes, “Awesome.”