Antoinette Thorne - Small Town

 

I would like to start off this story with a truth. It might be painful for me to part with, but it is pertinent to the story and everyone should know. I am a happily, a transgendered woman. I have gone through many trials, and tribulations, and pains and sufferings to get here, but I wouldn't change one of them because I am proud of who I am and I am just happy the way things have turned out for me. Now, you should all-- [audience cheers and applause] 

 

Thank you. Yes, I love to tug at the heartstrings. You should also know my humble beginnings. I come from a very small town with equally small-minded people. Everybody is in everybody's business. Everyone knows everyone. You've heard of this town before. I would suffice it to say, if one was to be cut one side of town, the other side of town, within a breath's time, would know the amount and the color which would spill from the wound. So, they knew my color. And unfortunately, they knew my parents color too, for I lived in the same town with them. Matter of fact, under the same roof. You can imagine. Although we didn't really see each other for probably a year. 

 

I would wake up early, and I would come home late at their request. After a while, I couldn't take painting them anymore, so I decided to move out. I didn't move too far away though, because you know, I like the town. I loved my job. I was very good at it. I was an office manager. One of my many tasks that I was to perform was to go to the bank on occasion, make a deposit here and there, other banking refinements. Now my parents, I love them to death and I can empathize with them. I really can. It's got to be tough for them. As tough as it was for me, I'm sure if it was even a percentage of that, it was painful. So, I can only feel for them. Even though they didn't stand by me, my hour of need, I felt it necessary to get out of their sight. So, I did. 

 

Now on this day, I am going to the bank. It's a beautiful summer day and dressed appropriately, as in any woman would. Feeling good, the sun's shining, the wind is blowing in my hair and just loving life. I look up ahead of me and I see something familiar. Now, this small town, you recognize everybody's face, but you could recognize their cars too. It's like 900 people, so how hard could it be? I look up ahead and I see my father's vehicle. We haven't seen each other in a while. As he's coming closer to me, closer inspection, I see his face. It's not the look that I remember. Normally, it'd be one of anger and loathing and hatred. It wasn't that. It was I guess one could only describe it as lustful, wanting. Yeah, that's right. My dad. Wolf-like. He's gazing at me with desire. It's frightening. Shaking all over. Looking me up my limbs, over my shoulder to the very cheek that you see before you today. 

 

And in that second, in that very instance, he recognized me. He didn't know it was me. And that look changed to disgust. But this time, I don't think it was disgust towards me. I think it was disgust towards him. He whipped his head around and he sped off without a last glance, like he was being chased by the devil himself. I'm standing there holding my heart in two halves. One side, I'm angry and I'm filled with righteous indignation. I'm filled with comeuppance. Soft. [sighs] Can't let that side hold sway. Lean to my better half. It's filled with, yes, pity and sorrow for him, but honor and empathy and respect. And yeah, even love. 

 

I could not let my heart be filled with anger for this man. It was, he said, I could not become what I became. I suffered many pains at his hands. But there's only room in my heart for one thing for him, and that's forgiveness. I love you, daddy. Thank you.