Isabelle Raphael - Shoeless in the City

 

Thanks. So, I just moved to New York 2011, summer. I didn't have a job, I didn't have any friends, I didn't know what I was doing. But I had a lot of laundry. [audience laughter] So, I spent the days going up and down the elevator to the laundry department downstairs. 

 

And one of these days, I was going back up in the elevator, swinging my keys around my fingers. And the keys, as if my magic, dropped down the shaft between the doors and the elevators. So, I heard them kind of clank, clank, clank, clank, clank down the shaft [audience laughter] to the bottom. I just stood there, I was like, “My God.” I have no wallet, no phone, no keys, I don't know anyone. I did not know my neighbors. I had no bra wrong, [audience laughter] and I had no shoes, and I was so hungry. [audience laughter] I basically was dead in New York. I had no idea what to do. [audience laughter] 

 

So, as I sat there just thinking about my death, [audience laughter] I remembered that my sister building had a doorman. If I knew anything about doorman, that they had keys to every single apartment. So, I was like, “Okay, all I have to do is walk 13 blocks without shoes.” I can totally do this. It's summer, I'm Australian, I love no shoes. [audience laughter] So, I started the walk. And the minute I started the walk, I thought I was like, “A, 13 blocks is actually a really long way. B, people in New York love to yell out feedback on the street.” [audience laughter] [audience cheers] 

 

A total of four cars, I think, yelled out, “You don't have any shoes on.” [audience laughter] I know. I was twirling my keys around me. They fell down the elevator. [audience laughter] And at one point, a homeless man shuffled along next to me and whispered in my ear, “You're going to regret this.” [audience laughter] “Oh, God.” [audience cheers and applause]

 

So, eventually, I get to the door, and the guy shrieked about lack of shoes. I was like, “Yeah, swinging around.” [audience laughter] And he's like, “Well, actually, I do have the keys, so I can take you back. But I need to piggyback you, because I don't think you can walk without shoes.” I'm like, “Oh, my God. I'm not like a get on your shoulders at the band kind of girl. [audience laughter] I don't jump over fences.” So, it's like, how do you get on someone's back? So, I started really far away and ran [audience laughter] and slopped myself onto his back to his [unintelligible [00:16:05], [audience laughter] I'm not sure. [audience laughter] 

 

So, we started the long way back. I don't like to piggyback in awkward silence. [audience laughter] So, I was chatting away about how not very good about getting on people's backs. [audience laughter] I was really lonely in the city, and I just moved here all the way. I'm slipping lower and lower [audience laughter] on his back until my feet were just dragging [audience laughter] along the ground. 

 

So, eventually, I got back to the house and he let me in. And then, a few days later, I come home and there's a little bag on my door with my keys, which he fished out, and a pair of pink bespangled child slippers, I guess he totally got my style, and a little note that said, “For next time.” [audience awws]