Georgia Huff - Scared of Bears

 

 

When I agreed to go hiking with my friends, Matt and Kellen, at Glacier National Park, I didn't realize that the park is also known as grizzly bear country. Now, I'm terrified of grizzly bears. I think primarily the reason is because at a young age, somebody told me a story about a young woman who had been chased up a tree by a grizzly bear, and then the bear shook her out of the tree and killed her. [audience laughter] So, it was with a great deal of apprehension that I boarded the flight to go to Montana. 

 

On that flight, I sat next to a man who had grown up in the area. He told me, first of all, that he didn't go hiking at Glacier National Park because of the grizzly bears. [audience laughter] And he said, “But if you do, then you need to have bear spray.” So, as soon as we landed, we went to Costco and got some bear spray. I'm looking at the package and reading the directions, and it says, “Wear this product in the holster provided on your belt. Don't put it in your backpack, because you won't have time to get it out.” [audience laughter] 

 

It said, “Don't discharge this product unless a bear is charging. Wait for the bear to get within 20ft, [audience laughter] and then spray the bear in the face.” [audience laughter] And then, there was a note, and it said, “Use caution if spraying this product into the wind to avoid getting it in your eyes.” [audience laughter] And I said, you know, they should have just said “Note, if you are downwind of the bear, you're just shit out of luck.” [audience laughter] 

 

But anyway, we have our bear spray, we're set. And a couple days into the trip, we decide to take this remote hike around a lake. We get to the trailhead, and there's a sign and it says, “Danger. Beware of the potential for bears in the area. This is grizzly bear country.” And I'm thinking, oh, great. But we have a plan. There's three of us, we're going to stay together, Matt is going to go first and then his wife, Kellen and then me. 

 

So, off we go. And right off the bat, our strategy falls apart, because Matt is this tall, fit man, and he walks about four times faster than I do. So, he kept getting out of sight out there, and I kept having to call him, “Hey, Matt, I can't see you, wait up.” And he would cheerfully wait and let me catch up to him, but that's how it went on this hike. 

 

And so, we're out there. We've only been out there for a couple hours, and I'm thinking, what would I do if I really did see a bear? Maybe I need to have a game plan here. And so, I said, okay, I'm going to be calm, I'm going to be quiet, and I'm going to whip my bear spray out, [audience laughter] and I'm going to wait for it, I'm going to wait for it. [spray sound] [audience laughter] [cheers and applause] 

 

And so, I got my plan. That's all well and good. But the truth is that this bear spray is in like a size of a small fire extinguisher. And the holster they give you is like a koozie, and it fits really tightly around this canister. By the time you get that bear spray out of that holster, you're not going to have to wait for that bear, because he's going to be there. But anyway, I keep going and I come across some bear poop. I'm no bear poop expert, but there's berries in it and it's big. “Hey, Matt, I see some bear poop down here, but I don't see you,” but I keep going. And then, it happens. 

 

I hear this rustling in the bushes. My heart is beating so fast and so loud, I don't know how I can hear anything else. I've forgotten all about the bear spray. [audience laughter] I hear the rustling again. “Matt, Matt, where are you?” And then, it's gone and I'm okay. I might have peed a little, but I'm okay. [audience laughter] And as I reflected later on my trip, I thought about how much I really loved hiking and I loved being out in nature. And bears are part of nature. And I wasn't going to let my fear of grizzlies keep me from doing what I love. And even though I didn't face down a grizzly, I did face down my fear.