Michael Devlin - One Small Sheep for Mankind

 

So, there I was, driving down the N11 with my female companion. I don't know if you know the N11, but it's the main road between Dublin and Wexford. There are two landmarks on that motorway, both of which are pubs. One is called the Beehive and the other is called Jack Whites. We're fast approaching the Beehive when all of a sudden, my female companion bursts into laughter, spontaneous, uncontrollable laughter. I know I'm not the funniest man in the world, but I do have my moments where that certainly wasn't one of them, because I wasn't even talking. [audience laughter] 

 

So, eventually, when she composed herself, I said, “Come on, share the joke.” She pointed to a field we just passed, and she said, "See that field? In that field we just passed, there was a sheep dancing." [audience laughter] And I said, "A dancing sheep? Really?" I said, "Was it ballroom or contemporary? Because contemporary would be a bit unusual." [audience laughter] And she said, "No, no, really. There was a sheep dancing. He was lying on his back with his feet in the air and he was waving them back and forth as if he was some mad rave or disco or something." And I said, "Yeah." I said, "You know what that means? Because I heard it somewhere before." 

 

I said, "That means he is in grave danger. Or, more precisely, she is in grave danger." Because what happens is at lambing season, the female sheep they use, they get big and heavy and sometimes when they lay down, they can inadvertently flip over and they're in grave danger, because they can't eat. But also, they get very distressed and they're prone to predators, particularly foxes. As I'm explaining this, there's a voice in my head saying, "Do not get involved. Keep on driving. [audience laughter] This is your problem." 

 

But then, I know that's not possible because there's another side of my personality which is intent on saving the world and everybody in it. [audience laughter] And it's telling me to turn that car and turn it around now. So, I go as far as the Beehive and I turn around and then I drive 10 km in the wrong direction, trying to cross the motorway. So, I cross the motorway, I'm on the way back here and then the first problem presents itself, which is to say that I'm looking for a sheep in the field of sheep in County Wicklow. [audience laughter] There's sheep everywhere. I don't mean to cause offence when I say this, but to me, one sheep looks pretty much the same as the next. [audience laughter] 

 

So, I'm driving along, core crawling for about 10 minutes, and I stop the car and we get to the field. It's true enough, there's the sheep in the field, but this time his feet are totally rigid like this and I think, “Oh, my God, please don't tell me I'm too late.” So, I stop the car, jam on the brakes, get out, hit the hazards and look out. I'm surveying the situation and I'm not liking this. I'm not liking this one bit, because I'm a city boy and what we have in our hands is most definitely a rural situation. [audience laughter] [audience applause] 

 

So, I turn to my female companion and I motioned to her to stay at the car. I said, “This could be dangerous. But baby, I'm going in.” [audience laughter] So, I hop over the brash barrier, over the barbed wire fence, down an embankment, over two electric fences. As I'm doing this, the sheep in the field start to walk away in the distance, except for the uptorn sheep and his little sheep buddies. I'm so amazed and impressed by this, because sheep are timid and placid little creatures. Here they are, they've overcome their fear to stand by the fallen comrade. I think, this is amazing. These must be like the sheep equivalent of the Marines, you know? [audience laughter] No man gets left behind. But as I'm thinking that, they got buggered off too. So, that was that theory out the window. [audience laughter] 

 

So, I'm moving closer. It's just me and the upturned sheep lying there with his feet in the air. I got to tell you, you really don't know what thoughts are going to go to your mind until you're faced with this sheep spread eagle before you. [audience laughter] The first thought in my mind was, “Please, God, don't let anybody see this, because it just looks so wrong.” [audience laughter] The second thought is, is this thing going to attack me? Because I know you never hear of anybody being attacked and killed by a sheep. It's not up there with like grizzly bear attacks and shark attacks. I get that. But this thing is cornered, and I've never cornered a sheep before, so I don't know, [audience laughter] I was cornered. They do have teeth, not big, sharp canine teeth, but teeth nonetheless. 

 

] The sheep are scared, and I'm scared and it's debatable as to which was more frightened. So, I'm thinking in the interest of my safety and the sheep's dignity, I should stay away from either end. [audience laughter] I go around and I take a deep breath and I bend down and I grab two handfuls of wool and then I lift with all my weight. And the sheep, which turns out to be about 98% wool, flips up and he lands on his feet. [audience laughter] I'm standing there and I feel this, like, this power, this strength, as if I'm like some superman, some superhuman and I'm thinking, “Maybe I should wear my underpants on the outside of my trousers from that day forth, [audience laughter] or maybe get a cloak with an S in the back to indicate my newfound superhero status.”

 

But yes, we'd have to be made out of wool, because after all, I'd only save the sheep. As I'm thinking this, the sheep is walking in the distance and then it stops and turns to face me. As we look into each other's eyes, I feel it. I feel the connection. Because we both know that I've just saved this life. And then, we turn away and we walk way back to our previous existence. She to take her place in our flock and me to take my place in the human race. I don't look back. I can't look back, because I know she's walking out of my life. [audience laughter] I know things will never be the same again, because this may be just one small sheep for mankind, but it was one giant sheep for me.