Lisa Schuldt - On Thin Ice

 

My husband Mike and I have an Airedale Terrier named Sadie. We love Sadie as only empty nesters can love their dog. Now, we were both married before and brought into our marriage children, and our kids have expressed jealousy over Sadie because A-- well, A, B, C and D, Sadie has both her parents with her. [laughs] Isn't that cute? [audience laughter] One of the highlights of our week is we always take a good long walk with Sadie on Sundays. And I'll have you know tomorrow is Sadie's third to last chemotherapy treatment. She is in total remission. Yay. [applause] Thank you. Thank you. And on Sunday mornings, it's our habit to take a long walk with Sadie. These days we walk down the Starbucks where we all rest for a little bit, sit outside no matter what the weather. We're the fools there in January, sitting outside with our mochas. And then we walk home again. 

 

We used to go to the dog park in Wauwatosa. I don't know if any of you are familiar with it. It's a great place to walk. There's the big open area with all the frozen dog poop in the winter, the melting dog poop in the spring, and the icky dog poop in the summer. There's a huge-wooded area where there are abandoned concrete walkways and curved roadways. There's ginormous and beautiful concrete staircases that majestically descend into what I assume were formal gardens. So we used to love to go out there. Sadie could run around off leash. We'd walk around through these woods and these pathways. We would often end up at the one and only pauper cemetery. And near the cemetery is a pond. I don't think it's natural because it's perfectly rectangular, but it was a good place for-- [audience laughter] I don't know, but I grew up in a small town and we never had square ponds. But there are always geese and ducks on the pond and Sadie would like to chase them. 

 

So one winter's day, one February day, but it was one of those February days that give the promise of spring. You know, those days, it's warm, but you still have to dress for winter because it is winter and because this is Wisconsin. But you knew spring was gonna come, probably by June 5th or so. The skies were blue, the sun was shining, it was above freezing. It was nice out, but we had to dress for winter. I had the old lady boots on because I'm an old lady. And you know the kind with really icky fake fur around the top. And I had one of those poofy winter jackets on, it was red. So we walked. We went down to the pond. Sadie chased the ducks and the geese off the ice. And then she saw open water. So she went to get a drink. Sadie walked up to the edge. The ice broke. Sadie went in. This is our favorite-- we call her “The Good Daughter.” [audience laughter] She's in the water, dog paddling. She does not swim on purpose. She likes to wade, but she does not swim on purpose. And she's got those big old eyes and she's looking, mom, dad. And she puts her little paws up on the ice and it breaks. And she puts her little paws up on the ice and it breaks. 

Now-- I don't know. This is a fairly young audience. I hope you've all seen the movie, It's a Wonderful Life. It's a wonderful movie. But in the movie, little Harry Bailey falls to the ice. All the kids make a human chain. The army crawl out on the ice. They reach out a shovel to little Harry Bailey. He grabs on, they pull him in. I've seen It's a Wonderful Life at least 30 times. I know what to do. [audience laughter] Two problems. There's only me and Mike. We don't have a shovel, but this is “The Good Daughter.” I am on my belly on the ice. I army crawl out on the ice. Mike doesn't swim, so he's not even part of the chain. God knows-- [audience laughter] at this point in time, my whole vision is kind of tunneled, right? You've had that happen. I'm looking at “The Good Daughter.” 

I'm out on the ice, I'm crawling, I reach out, I touch her collar, the ice breaks. Now it is February, I'm in the water, I'm dog paddling too. We're both dog paddling. Now the vision's getting really small because I'm going to die. I'm going to eventually have to hold Sadie's head above water while I'm paddling with my feet while my husband Mike tries to figure out what to do. So I'm paddling, paddling, paddling. And of course, I put my hands up, the ice breaks. And through that panic, through that fog, I hear a voice, and it's Mike. And he's saying, “Honey, stand up.” [audience laughter] “No, wait, wait. If I stop paddling, I'll sink, I'll drown.” 

I put my feet down, and I feel muck, the kind of muck that will grab you and drag you in. So I paddle, paddle. “Honey, stand up.” Put my feet down a little further. I feel solid earth. I stand up. I look, “Sadie's on the ice, shaking off, running to daddy, saying, “Daddy, look what mom's doing.” I walk to shore, boots filled with water, jacket, ugh. I learned something that day. Next time you feel like you're over your head, you're drowning, you're losing your nerve, just stand up.