Faith Ekienabor - My Step, My Freedom

 

Listening to my friend, Toby, tell me stories of all the places she had been to, all the fun she had, were exciting moments in my life. These were moments when I would laugh and sometimes cry, with tears coming out from my eyes. Toby was a good companion. Sometimes she made me reflect on the past. I too used to be bold and daring, and she made me remember how I used to be before I became blind.

 

You see, everything stopped for me the moment I lost my sight to glaucoma, an irreversible eye disease. I began to live in a lonely world of darkness where I shut myself out from the entire world. I couldn’t move from one point to the other without hitting my head on the wall, knocking down objects or having scars on my body while trying to do some little chores around the house. And so, I would always depend on my family members for support.

 

Luckily for me, I got admitted into the University of Lagos, Nigeria, to study psychology. I was happy, because I knew that the study of behavior was going to help me, and help me to have better relationships with people around me. So, I wanted to be diligent and I wanted to work hard. 

 

Well, there was just one problem, I needed help to go around school. Toby agreed to be my helper. And since we were in the same department, it was easy. And then, she moved in, and we became roommates. That was when I discovered that, although Toby was very friendly and nice, she wasn’t taking her education seriously. Every morning, as I tried to get Toby up for classes, it was a huge ordeal. Whenever she opened her eyes, it was hell for me. She began to ask me questions like, “Why do you have to wake me up? What’s the time? Why do we have to hurry? Why can’t we just stay in bed and laze all day?” 

 

We were always late. Always late in attending classes, submitting our assignments. Sometimes we absentees, and then we started going for exams late. There was this particular one. The lecturer was mean. He had told me earlier to be in his exams on time. When the day arrived, as I sat waiting for my friend, Toby, she was in her usual spot by the window, listening to some reggae music, and she was applying her makeup. All I could hear was just the clock ticking away, and my heart was pounding heavily. I began to wonder, when were we going to leave? 

 

I knew that Toby’s makeup lasted for an hour, so how were we going to make it in due time? I drew my friend’s attention to the time, and I said, “Toby, we’re going to be late.” And she said, “Why the hurry? I’m not yet done. This is the last exam for the semester, so I want to be at my best.” Although I was angry, I couldn’t voice out. I couldn’t tell Toby a word, because Toby was my only ticket in going out. So, I kept quiet.

 

When we arrived at the faculty, the main lecturer approached us and he said, “Hey, Faith, you are late again. You’re just being negligent with your studies. I’m not going to give you any extra time.” And with that, he marched off. As I sat to type, my hands were shaking. I was getting so nervous and disoriented. I couldn’t concentrate. I was getting almost blank. But I knew that I could blame no one, but myself. If I had come earlier, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened to me. 

 

The results came out for that semester, and of course, my grade was very bad. The next semester came by, and we were back to our routine. And then, exams period came again. This time around, as I sat fully dressed waiting for my friend, whom you guessed was in her usual spot, listening to some Jamaican tunes and she was humming along and making up her face, happy as usual. All I could hear was just a voice in my head telling me, “We’re going to be late. We’re going to be late.” And then, I said, “Toby, let’s get going, you’re beautiful just the way you are.” Toby replied with her usual phrase, “Why the hurry? Please, I’m not yet done.” 

 

In that moment, I don’t know what came over me. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I picked up my bag, brought out my guide cane and slowly walked toward the door. I could hear Toby laughing behind me, and she was asking me, “Faith, where are you going to? Come back and sit and stop playing pranks.” But I just ignored her. I opened the door and I started walking. Although I was panicking, I was scared, I was afraid, because this was the very first time, I dared go out all by myself. Although I knew the path so well, because I’d walked with Toby along it in the past, but it was a new experience for me, going alone. 

 

As I walked, I began to pray. And then, suddenly I stopped, because a thought flashed into my mind: What if I fall down? What if I crash into something? What am I going to do? But the mere thought of having Toby laughing at me and telling me, I knew you couldn’t do it, made me just forge ahead with greater determination. And then, as I walked, I began to pray that help would come. Luckily for me, ahead of me, I could hear voices, people were talking and laughing loudly. And so, I walked toward the direction. When I was sure I was close enough to be heard, I said, “Good morning. Please, where can I get a cab?” And a male voice responded. He said “It’s just a little bit further, just like 10 steps away.” So, I said, “Thank you.” 

 

As I began to walk, I was counting in my mind. When I was sure I was almost there, at the 10th step, I used my other hand to reach, to feel if I could feel a car in front of me, and yes, I could. So, I stopped by the car. And then, a man asked me, “Where are you going to?” And I said to the faculty. And he said, “Come right in.” So, I reached for the door and I opened the door and I jumped right in. I smiled to myself and I laughed out loud, yes, I did it. Yes, I made it. This is my freedom. And it felt so good. Thank you.