Click here to download the transcript from Moxie in Cannes.

When I was about eleven my father and I began a ritual of going to the … theatre together. My parents were divorced. Every Saturday he would pick me up and we would go to the cinema. There were amazing films there and that's when I fell in love with cinema. Usually there were a lot of French films and they had a lot of people who smoked and who suffered and who talked a lot and even at eleven I actually identified with those people and quickly took up smoking, which sadly I still do but even when I grew up and started working in the movie business, I hated the screening thing.  

When you work in the movie business, you suddenly get on like a thousand lists: "Come to this screening, come to this screening" and the thing with screenings is you go to the movie and there's always a million people doing business there and you always know everyone. You usually know the director. You can't really laugh, you don't know how to react; Everyone is very suspicious and paranoid about it and it just takes the joy out of it for me, I have to admit. So ironically, even though I spent many years in acquisitions, I still loved going to the movie theater.  

It was on one such Saturday night, with three of my closest girlfriends, several years ago when I was with Nancy, Tess, and Beth that we decided, "Let's go see a big Hollywood movie." And we went up to the Sony Lincoln Square on 68th street to see "As Good as it Gets." We got there early and we got our seats, we got our popcorn, and we were all set. The trailer things start with the commercials like twenty minutes before but the lights are still on and we're all settled in.  

At which point, of course, the teenage girls arrive. And these were horrible, horrible girls. They were tough and there were two of them and they were with a guy and they sit right in front of us- there were many seats but they sit right in front of us- and as many of you know in the Sony Lincoln Square the chairs move back and forth and back and forth and the girl in front of me decides to start rocking back and forth and back and forth and smashing into my legs. I look at Nancy and she looks at me. I lean over and I say, "Excuse me, but could you stop rocking 'cause you're really hurting my legs." And she looks at me and she does it harder. Now I say to Nancy, "What should I do?"  

She says, "I don't know, I don't think you should do anything."  

"I don't either."  

So, I lean over—it's intolerable—and I say, "I'm really sorry but you're really hurting me, could you stop?"  

At which point she turns around and she goes, "This fucking bitch better step off. Who does she think she is?"  

And everyone turns. And Nancy and I look at each other. But what I forgot was that I was with Tess and Beth who, unlike us, have got major balls. Tess looks at the girl and goes, "Excuse me, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"  

Nancy and I were totally horrified. "We're like, oh my god."  

And the girl goes, "What did you say?"  

She goes, "I said, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" And she just starts freaking out.  

At which point my friend Beth takes her feet and with every ounce of energy that she has slams them into this girl's chair, and the girl literally goes flying and lands somewhere in the next row and Beth goes, "Shut up and sit down."  

At this point Nancy and I were like sinking into our chairs and we’re like, "What should we do?"  

The usher comes. He goes, "What's going on here?"  

And the audience, who's on our side, says those girls are causing trouble. They ask the teenage girls to leave, they escort them out. The movie starts. Nancy and I, during the movie, I say, ''Do you think they're waiting for us?"  

She says "I kind of think they are, what should we do? 

I say we better ask Tess. I look over. Tess and Beth are totally engaged in the movie like it never happened. The entire film Nancy and I are like panicking, sweating, strategizing, whispering, and figuring it out. The movie ends and they start to leave and Nancy and I go, ''Wait you guys, we have to plan our escape!" 

They're like, "What are you talking about?" 

And we're like, "The girls!" 

"What girls?" 

"The girls that we got kicked out of the movie theater! That you told to shut up and....  their mother." 

And Tess goes, "There's four of us and two of them. What are you worried about?"  

And I'm thinking, "I think I was in a fight once in like third grade when some kid literally punched me in the face and I never got up so I'm thinking that's not gonna work, Tess."  

And Beth is like, "Yeah, what are you worried about? I'm from New Jersey, don't worry about it."  

So Nancy and I were like, "Well, we think we should go out the side entrance and we should definitely immediately get into a cab and what if they have a weapon? 

And Tess goes, "Look, when you're really afraid of someone, what you do if they start harassing you is, you lean in really close and you go 'I'm gonna kill you.' And then when they look at you and they go, 'What did you say?' you go, 'What? I didn't say anything.' That way," she said, "they know that you're crazy and that they don't want anyone to know but you."  

So we were like, OK, well I guess let's just give it a shot. We go out of the theater and sure enough, they're not there. And we're like "taxi" and it was the most humiliating experience 'cause I'm like, I'm such a wimp. I'm a New York City kid. I'm a tough kid. I thought, I was kind of a tough kid, I went to a public school and here I am I totally, along with Nancy, intimidated by these kids half our age.  

So I'm thinking about this as I'm on the plane going to the Cannes Film Festival for the first time because it's always been a dream of mine to go to Cannes. And I've been asking around and I've gone to TV festivals, but it's not like the film festival—which is like to me, just the brass ring—and I'm finally getting there but a lot of my friends have told me, I call so many people and they're like, "Now listen, the French are really difficult, in Cannes.  There are a lot of rules and you gotta follow them and you gotta have balls and you gotta be aggressive and you gotta have moxie and you gotta push your way through." 

And I'm like, "OK," and I'm thinkin' about this movie incident. And I'm just gonna get in there. So I land and my boss, Jonathan, had told me, "Don't wait to register until the day after. It's too crowded. Drop your bags off- you'll be jet lagged- go straight to the accreditation."  

And I'm like, "That's what I'm doing."  

I was up all night on the plane and I was so nervous. I was really jetlagged. So I'm running over to the accreditation hall and I run into this guy Gil Holland, who most of you probably know now. He's sort of a fairly successful independent film producer, but at the time Gil worked in the French Film office in New York and he represented sort of the French cinema here and so he was part of Unifrance.  

I run into him and he goes, "Oh, hey, I'm glad we ran into each other. You should come to the Unifrance club and get your VIP Buyers Card." 

And I'm like, "VIP Buyers card? Wow, OK."   

He says, "Come today. 'Cause tomorrow it's gonna be a madhouse."  

I'm like, "I'll be there. "  

And I go to accreditation and I wait in line and it's like a nightmare. Five hours later I have my badge and, "Don't lose your badge and if you lose your badge you'll never get another badge and if anyone else has your badge you'll never be..." I mean, it's like, "OK, I got the badge!" 

So now I'm gonna look for the Unifrance club. And I literally spend like a half an hour lost in the Palais, which is this huge building. It's like the Javits Center, but of film. I didn't know that was the same exact place I started and I'm just so tired and I'm so exhausted and I didn't care and I'm like, "Moxie moxie, moxie," and I go up to this very snotty woman and I just say, "Look, parlez-vous Anglais?" And she didn't say anything and I go, "Good, listen: I'm looking for Gil, from Unifrance." 

And she says, "Gil who?"  

And I'm thinking, "I can't believe that I have just blanked out on Gil's last name. Oh my god what is it, what is it?" So instead I go, "Gilles" because in French it's "Gilles."  

And she says, "Gil Jacob?"  

And I say, "Yeah, Gil Jacob," because, to me, it sounds like a familiar name, it must be Gil's name. It doesn't really sound like his name but yeah, Gil Jacob.  

She says "And you know him?" 

I said, "Yeah I know him. I just ran into him like half an hour ago. He told me to come by and get my Buyers Card, my VIP Buyers Card." 

She says, "You know Gil? You know Gilles?"  

And I said, "Yes, I just told you."  

So she disappears in the back. She comes out with this security guard. He's like, "Come with me."  

I follow this man to the back of the Palais, down this very long hallway, in this private elevator 

and I'm like, "Oh my god... who knew that Gil was so hooked up?"  

But whatever, good thing I know him. So we get upstairs, to the most beautiful office you've ever seen and there's these huge desks and a beautiful receptionist and plants and huge movie posters. And photographs, actual photographs that were taken there of Francois Truffaut, Jean Pierre Leaud, Jean Luc Godard, and all my heroes. I'm just like, "Wow, this is amazing."  

So I go in and I began, ''I'm here to see Gilles Jacob." 

And everyone says, ''You know him!?" 

And I say, "Yeah, I know him. And I'm here to get my VIP Buyers Card and I'm not leaving without it."  

And she says, "Well do you have an appointment?  

I said, "I don't need an appointment. I just ran into him, on the street. On the croisette. And he told me to come here and get me VIP Card." 

And she says, ''Well, it's impossible because he's in a meeting.'' 

And I said, "Interrupt him." 

And she says, "But that's-"  

I said ''Interrupt him. Believe me - it's no problem."  

And she says, "Well, give me your badge."  

I said "fine".  

I hand her my badge, she walks in the back.  I'm thinking "This moxie thing is really working out. Otherwise, I'd have to spend like a whole day there." 

I'm there, I'm looking around the office, and I notice this photograph on the wall. Bernard Bertolucci, one of my favorite directors, sitting at the top of the red carpet statue, which is a big 'to-do' in Cannes, next to an older gentleman. And I think "Oh, there's Bertolucci with Gilles Jacob, the Director General of the Cannes Film Festival." And then I say, "And that's whose office I'm in."  

At this point, I really just don't know what to do. And I look at the other receptionist and I say, 

"I have made a terrible, horrible mistake."  

At which point the other woman comes out in hysterical tears and she says to me, "You're insane. What is wrong with you?"  

And I say, "I am so sorry. I have made a terrible. I know..." 

"You're crazy, you're insane." 

And I'm saying, "I know, I have made..." but the whole time my eye's on that badge 'cause I am not losing that badge and she's not givin' it back to me. And as she's saying I'm insane, and I'm saying I'm so sorry, I lunge across the desk and I grab the badge and I run out of the office and I run into the elevator - which miraculously is there- and I'm pressing zero. Whatever that is, in France, one, zero, and I get out and I'm running down the croisette and I'm literally freaking out. At which point, I run into Colin Brown, a dear friend, who's also a very well-respected film journalist who edits a paper called Screen international which is like the most important trade... knows every in and out there is to know in Cannes. 

In fact, he knows Gil Jacob himself and he says, "What's wrong!?" and I tell him the entire story.  

And he says, "Oh my god. They might ban you for that." 

And I thought, "Oh my god!" And I just run back to my hotel room and I close the door and I close the drapes. I contemplate on packing, but think why bother since I'll be banned in the next hour. I'll just be escorted back to the Nice airport anyway. I lie on my bed and I wait for the phone call to come. And I think, "No they won't call me they'll just come with the security guard." I go, "No, I know what they'll do. They'll call my boss, Jonathan, and then he'll have to fire me because of how much I've shamed the company. And I'll be banned from Cannes and the festival hasn't even started."  

And the minutes turn to hours and the day turned to evening. Probably about seven o'clock, I've probably been up now for like 40 hours, no one's called me. And no one's coming and I realize not only am I not banned, that actually no one cares that I'm there. In fact, I'm probably the most insignificant person at the festival.  

And then I remember Tess and I think, "OK, Caroline," as I fall asleep, "if they come for me, when they're escorting me out, I'm gonna lean in real close and I'm gonna say, 'I'm gonna kill you!'"