Whitney Geden - Memento Poultry

 

 

So, my dad was a man of absolutely ferocious, if not aggressive whimsicality. If there was a fun thing that he got it in his head that he wanted to do, it was going to happen. That included disregarding things like legality or even common sense in some cases. So, when I was about 10 years old, just as an example, he took my brother and I on a canoeing trip. I grew up in Florida. When we got there, they told us that the river was 8ft above normal, that the currents were dangerous and there were torrential rain storms coming. So, “Do you, sir, actually want to take your two children out on a three-day camping trip before cellphones as well?” So, he said yes. We went. We capsized in the first hour of the trip losing all of our water, and food, and tents and sleeping bags. That was great for him. I mean, that was awesome. [audience laughter]

 

So, that was where he came from. Three years ago in July, I got a phone call from my brother that my father had actually died very unexpectedly in his sleep. That's the kind of grief that I had never before experienced. It was hard, and it was weird and it was disconnected. His life was very strange at that point. He had married a woman from Thailand who had come over, and he had built up this whole new life around him that I actually knew very little about. 

 

So, when I got down there for his funeral services, he actually had two. There was one that was in what I can only describe as a strip mall, basically, again, Florida. And it was the strangest room. There was no organization. It was just random people that I barely knew telling stories that I wasn't familiar with about him. 

 

The second service was at his wife's Buddhist temple, which was gorgeous and moving, but I don't speak Thai, so I didn't really connect with that experience as much as some of the other people there did. So, that's when I decided I really need to do something for my father that meant something to me and I thought would mean something to him. There were two things in his life that he loved so much, and they were memories of mine from when I was a kid that I absolutely cherish. Those two things were rubber chickens and fireworks. [audience laughter]

 

And luckily, it's July. It was shortly after the fourth, so the stands were all still open trying to clear everything out. My sister, my uncle and I, and my brother all decided that we were going to launch his ashes in a rubber chicken over the ocean- [audience laughter] -to memorialize him,- [audience applause] -which is not as simple as it seemed in my mind, actually. Finding a rubber chicken in Florida, in strip malls, was not as easy as I had hoped it would be. I found something close enough at a pet store. It squeaked, but it worked. And then, we found the biggest rocket fireworks we could find. And also, in memory of my dad, we went completely overboard and got the biggest ones we could find. These things were easily 3ft tall with the biggest spikes that go into the ground that you light and launch. So, we got four of those, and some electrical tape and some extra wick. 

 

Now, the next thing was finding out where are we going to launch this thing. The first suggestion was, “Well, let's do this behind the hotel.” [audience laughter] I was like, “No, we're definitely going to get arrested and set something on fire if we do that.” Someone else suggested, “Oh, there's this beautiful bay on the way to the airport.” I looked at the map and it was right next to the airport. I didn't think it was a good idea to launch a chicken in this world that we live in now shortly before I had to get on a flight. 

 

So, finally, I'm on the phone and I'm calling people in Florida that I haven't talked to in years, and I'm asking them, “Hey, I know we haven't talked in 10 years, but where can I launch a chicken?” Finally, someone just suggested a beach that was pretty isolated. We got this thing constructed in the hotel room, and we got some extra wicks, so that we could get away from it fast enough in case something went wrong, which, if my dad had anything to do with it probably would. I downloaded Ride of the Valkyrie on my phone- [audience laughter] -and we were ready. So, we get out there, and we're standing on the beach, and my brother lights the wick and we all stand back. I totally forgot about the phone. So, the music wasn't playing. We're all just standing there, exhausted from days of crying and drama and just all of the things that tear you open when you're in a situation like that. But we were all standing there just exhausted, waiting for this chicken to launch. 

 

As the wick started to get toward the rockets, I notice that the construction is listing to the right. We all start backing away. Instead of this grand gesture of the chicken launching into the ocean, it just fell on its side and spun around in a circle in the surf. This poor chicken just getting ripped apart by fireworks and sand and ocean. [audience laughter] And my brother is now dancing around the spinning chicken. [audience laughter]

 

And as the Maglite from the cops shone down on me. [audience laughter] I realized in that moment that my father would have been proud of me. Thank you.