Jitesh Jaggi - Man Meets Dog

 

My wife showed me a picture of her grandmother petting a lion cub and said, “We need to at least adopt a dog asap.” [audience laughter] I knew this day was going to come. She grew up with a family that owned entire animal zoos, lived all her life with pets capable of immediately devouring her. My last relationship with the dog was when it had its teeth in my butt cheeks. [audience laughter] I was nine years old India and was dancing in front of the stray dog that often rested outside my grandma's home. [audience laughter] To think that she still continued to feed him, pained me in my heart and my ass. [audience laughter] So I asked my wife, how about we get a foster dog instead? Meaning we get to host the dog for a few days temporarily until someone else can adopt them permanently. 

The foster agency heard our request, and my wife came home with Coconut, a Shih Tzu mix with a silky black coat covering entire body. It looked like my wife brought home a bunch of synthetic wigs. [audience laughter] Coconut had a cone around her neck, reminiscent of one of the characters from the Handmaid's Tale. [audience laughter] That was because she got spayed that morning. She was 10 years old. She is 10 years old. And to think that she hadn't been spayed until now painted us a grim picture of her past. 

 

I work from home, by the way. So from the next morning, Coconut and I became involuntary housemates. On day one, I learned that she doesn't really make eye contact and stays hidden under a table all day long. On day two, I realized she doesn't even respond to her name. So I figured maybe the foster agency just assigned the name Coconut to her. And I started to try 100 different names the same day. All day I went “Olive,” “Cheddar,” “Buttercup,” “Todd.” I knew her hearing was intact because she leaped at me when she heard me open a KitKat. So I figured it out. She just didn't care. And so I just sat next to her throughout the day. 

 

At one time, she protruded her little head from under the table, rested it on my lap and slept. I couldn't help but notice that she snores like she had a Harley Davidson engine in her diaphragm. [audience laughter] On day three, she gets called in for an extensive knee surgery. I had just started to be less queasy about her space car, so I just reminded myself that I was just a temporary host and she was going to go to another foster home soon anyway. But that night, Coconut came back home from the vet crying and continued to cry into the night. She had 12 staples on her leg that was cut from her thigh all the way down to her foot. Combined with the space car, almost a quarter of her little body was in stitches. I had asked for an easy dog because of my inexperience, but this dog needed to be consoled round the clock and I couldn't even bring myself to look at her stapled leg. So my wife took care of her and I watched them both from a distance, too weak hearted to even come close. 

I have seen animals suffering, but never one that was under my care. This felt personal, like I was responsible to put her in her misery. And unexpectedly, the same line of thinking brought me the solution. I reminded myself of all the stray dogs back in India, including the ones that bit me. How many of them often had open wounds with no shelter to recover in? Coconut at least had healthy food, meds and a loving home. As bad as it was, I had to remind myself that she was in safe hands. So the next morning I woke up and I approached her gently but firmly, lifted her in my arms as she looked me in the eyes for the first time and in our own little way I let her know that she was going to be fine, that this was going to pass. It was like both of us had emerged from under our respective tables we were hiding under. 

 

A month later her scars healed up and it was now time to find her a permanent home to be adopted in. Her cone was gone and she had started to camouflage in black rugs effortlessly. [audience laughter] She won, but we had failed at being foster parents. Our adopted Coconut is at home right now knowing well that she's too precious to be let go of and is right now waiting for her second dinner. [audience laughter]