Cynthia Riggs - Lost Love Found

 

I love being waited on like this. [laughs] Well, in 1950, I was a clueless 18-year-old student at Antioch College. They have a work study program, and they found me a job at Scripps Oceanographic Institution sorting plankton. I got to the laboratory. Most of my fellow plankton sorters were men, and they'd been sorting plankton too long. [audience laughter] They were looking for a distraction and I was it. So, they started playing all these practical jokes on me, like putting slimy things on my bicycle seat or nailing my lab door shut. I didn't really know how to deal with this. But there was an elderly man there who'd been in the Second World War and he took pity on me. He was 28 [audience laughter] and he somehow got my tormentors off my back without making things worse. 

 

Well, I started writing notes to him on the paper towels next to my microscope. They were just simple notes, and I wrote them in code, just A equals B, B equals C. Well, my job lasted about four months, and I came back here to the Vineyard and I forgot about him. In January 2012, his name suddenly popped into my mind and I thought, well, I wonder whatever happened to that guy. So, I googled his name and I didn't find it. So, I didn't think about it anymore. Well, two weeks later, I got a package in the mail with his name on it. He must have been thinking about me the same time I was thinking about him. 

 

 So, I opened the package. And in it were all those paper towels that he'd saved for 62 years. And in it was a new note in our old code. When I decoded it, the note said, “I have never stopped loving you.” Well, I didn't know quite how to feel about this. I belonged to a group called the Wednesday Writers. So, I showed them this package with the note and I said, “What do you make of it?” Well, Amy said, “He's a stalker.” [audience laughter] Lisa said, “62 years later, this is every woman's fantasy.” [laughs] 

 

[applause] 

 

Kat said, “You got to get in touch with him. You've got to write to this guy.” And I said, “I can't, because his return address was latitude and longitude.” [audience laughter] It wasn't easy. But I did find him eventually. It led to a correspondence that went on-- Every day, we were writing. And the time came after this correspondence had been going on for a couple of months. Lisa said, “You have to go see him now.” And I said, “No.” [audience laughter] Well, they prevailed and they essentially got me a ticket, put me on the airplane and sent me off. [laughs] 

 

Well, you can probably imagine how I was feeling. The last time this guy saw me, I was 18. [laughs] And at this point, I was 81. [laughs] I had severe cold feet. My stomach hurt. I couldn't eat anything. I was sweating and I was icy cold. He met me. He was carrying a long-stemmed red rose and he had a sign-- He was holding a sign. And on the front was our code for hugs and kisses. He turned the sign over and on the back was our code for passion. [audience laughter] 

 

Well, I'd only planned to stay with him for a day and a half, because I figured, well, whatever happens, I can deal with it. So, we decided what we were going to do with a short time. We were sitting in his house. He had a house perched on the edge of the canyon in San Diego. I guess about 15 minutes into this planning session, he came out with a little white box, about 2x2x2. And I said, “Oh, no,” [audience laughter] I was trying to think what I was going to say. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, because we'd really gotten to know each other pretty well in the correspondence. Well, he opened the little white box, and in it was a paper cigar band. [laughs] 

 

He said, “I know you don't like rings. I know you don't like jewelry, but I thought you might like to try this on.” And I laughed. The guy really knew me. And I said, “I do make an exception for rings.” [audience laughter] So, that was his proposal, and that was my acceptance. [audience laughter] Well, he decided he was going to move to Martha's Vineyard. He'd never been east of Chicago. He got into his pickup truck-- And mind you, this guy was 91. He got into his pickup truck and with his son beside him, he drove here to Martha's Vineyard. 

 

Well, we got married at the Congregational Church here in West Tisbury. Now, Howie was a Buddhist and I'm a lapsed Unitarian. [audience laughter] We got married by the Methodist minister from the Chilmark Church, who's a defrocked Catholic nun. [audience laughter] We covered about all the bases. [laughs] Well, the wedding was just absolutely perfect. The ceremony went along and the time came when it was time for “the kiss.” So, Howie reached out to me and I reached out to him and we went into this perfect clinch and the congregation cheered. [audience laughter] 

 

Well, we launched into this magical marriage. We knew we didn't have very much time, so we figured we weren't going to waste our time on anything petty. We were just going to make the most of it. So, we decided we'd start raising guinea hens. [audience laughter] Guinea hens love ticks. And of course, ticks are a problem here in the vineyard. Then we got some hens, then we got some ducks. Now, Howie was feeding all these creatures and he attracted wild turkeys. [laughs] I have a photograph taken on the back step where the animals are feeding on Howie's seed. There were three skunks and a rat. [audience laughter] 

 

And Howie loved them all. He loved the guineas, the hens, the ducks, the turkeys, the skunks and the rat. [laughs] Well, he used to make my coffee for me every morning. And one morning, I found beside the coffee pot a note that said, “Good morning, wife. You are being loved all day.” He'd leave notes for me all over the place. I'd open the utensil drawer and there'd be a note there. It was a note pinned to my nightie just everywhere. We were both at Cronig’s at the deli counter one time, I guess, buying low-sodium turkey or something. [audience laughter] Howie suddenly turned to me, embraced me and kissed me right in front of the deli counter. All the people around there just applauded. [audience laughter] 

 

We went to Conroy's Apothecary. Howie kissed me. Mind you, this was a shy guy at one time. [audience laughter] In the post office, at the dump. [audience laughter] I realized what he had decided was he was going to kiss me every place on the island, so there'd be a memory of a kiss in every place on the island. Well, I knew right from the beginning that Howie had some serious health problems. He'd sent me early on a list of the books in his library. And one of them was dealing with heart disease. One of them had something to do with diabetes. There was a book of philosophy, a book of poetry and there was a book that said living to 120. So, I said, “I'm holding you to that.” 

 

Well, he started having this incidents where he had a racing heart, and he said to me, “You know, we don't have a lot of time together. Let's prepare for it.” So, we did. He said, “I don't want to die alone. I don't want to die in the hospital.” Well, there came a time when these incidents were coming closer together. I called 911, and these three EMTs came, these gorgeous women. Howie was really angry. He said, “I do not want to go to the hospital.” And the EMTs prevailed. He jabbed his finger at me and he said, “I'm divorcing you.” [audience laughter] 

 

Well, a week later, I heard him shoutout. He called my name. I went to see him and I could see that was it, that was the end. So, I sat with him. I held his great hands. I held his hands in mine. I told him how much I cared for him, how much he'd meant to me. I told him I loved him and I told him he'd given me the best five years of my life. He died five years to the day of the time I got that package from him on February 1st. Well, the next day was Groundhog Day. We always have a big celebration in my house and invite everybody from the island to come. And this time, it was a grand celebration of Howie's life about-- Everybody either knew him or they knew of him. 

 

One of the things they told me is he was known as the rockstar of the geriatric set of the island. [audience laughter] Well, we had a service at the cemetery and Kathleen Baker, the minister of the church, officiated at it. They had the Martha's Vineyard Honor Guard played. They had these flags out. They had a three-gun salute. An eagle flew overhead and they played taps. And at that, I cried. Well, the next day was a Sunday. So, I went to church and a little boy was being baptized. He was about one and a half years old, and he escaped from his father and he went running up and down the center aisle of the church laughing. And the whole congregation laughed. The little Sunday school kids in the front were facing the congregation, they were giggling. All I could think was, life goes on. 

 

Howie is still with me. I think of him all the time. When I think of all the things he gave to me, the best five years of my life, and he gave me something I would wish on every one of you, and that is just this steady, passionate, constant love. And that's it.