Logical Conclusion Transcript

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Gary Sizer - Logical Conclusion

 

I grew up in the 1970s. I was raised by my mom, my grandma and television. My real dad split when I was three and my brother was one. Fortunately, grandma and pappy lived across the street. So, much of my childhood routine consisted of staying up late with grandma and grandpa watching monster movies and then watching Star Trek. We were in the projects and we were on welfare and there were custody issues. It was chaotic. The way I coped as a young child with chaos was by imprinting on one of the characters from television, someone who was most likely to keep his head screwed on straight when shit hit the fan, the science officer of the USS Enterprise, Mr. Spock. [audience laughter]

 

The half human, half Vulcan science officer was famous for his ability to repress his emotions and use his logic to get through any kind of unpleasant situation. Even during the single digit years of my childhood, I latched on to, “This is what's going to get me through. This is how I need to conduct myself.” Well, that made me into a weird kid [audience laughter] 

 

According to my therapist, it also made me into a weird grownup. [audience laughter] But somewhere in between, while I was a weird teenager and when my brother and I were finally old enough to be left on our own, my mom started working on filling on that gap where the positive male role model used to be. So, interesting thing that as a single parent, finding a new partner is often a group effort. So, whoever she brought home had to meet the incredibly high standards of myself and my younger brother. I don't know whether it was just by coincidence or if this is just how things are in my family, we have this nerdy side to us. Every man that my mom brought home during my teenage years was a little bit nerdy. 

 

There was a ham radio operator, an actual engineer and one guy who bragged about having been an extra in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. [audience laughter] So, I joked with my mom, as only a teenage boy could, that she wasn't really dating so much as she was auditioning a new science officer for our tiny little enterprise. [audience laughter] So, we were really excited when she found Dale. He was not only our favorite, but also hers. 

 

Dale was a middle-aged, middle school teacher who taught history and science. And their relationship blossomed. Just as I was reaching the age where it was time for me to move out and go to college, they decided to get married. So, when they finally did get married and consolidate households, I was already off in the dorms and only coming home on spring break and in between semesters. So, I missed that whole angry period of slamming doors and saying, “You're not my dad. You can't tell me what to do.” 

 

We went straight to adult bonding. It turned out that we had a lot in common. Not only did we become fast friends, but we became fast family. Because he was a teacher of history and earth science, Dale had all these wonderful collections. We would spend hours in the basement together while I was home on break, looking at fossils and geodes and crystals while talking about our favorite TV show together. You guessed it, Star Trek

 

Now, Dale was more of a fan of Next Generation, and we often argued the merits of who was cooler, Spock or Commander Data. I always thought Data was manufactured, which made his problems a little less. I don't know, a little less real. [audience laughter] But these are the things we bonded over. Another thing that we really had in common was that Dale was a huge fan of wordplay and puns. And because he was a teacher, he had this deep, booming voice. So, whenever he told a joke, no matter how stupid it was, everyone paid attention. Would you like to hear one? 

 

[audience affirm] 

 

Dale would say things like-- He didn't write these, but he had a collection of them. He would say things like, “A young lady walks into a bar, and she tells the bartender she wants a double entendre, so it gives it to her.” [audience laughter] I remember one time we were in the basement looking at artifacts of some kind. I was really feeling familial. I said to Dale, I said, “You know, I can't call you dad. But because your name shares many of the same letters as that word, and it sounds like it, I just want you to know, every time I say Dale, I mean dad.” And Dale said, “That'll work.” [audience laughter] It was the first real positive reinforcement I had from a male role model in my life. 

 

So, I was crushed years later when Dale passed from lung cancer. While he was dying, my wife and I were in North Carolina. My parents lived in Pennsylvania. My mom called and said-- We were near the end. It had been dragging on for months. We knew the end was near and she said, “I think it's time for you guys to come up.” And Dale says, “You need to hurry.” He said that he's dying to see you. [audience laughter] This is just how he worked. So, we made it just in time. It was almost like he was hanging on just to see us. He got his last moments with me, and his last moments with my brother and his last moments with his kids. 

 

He was so squared away. He had everything perfectly arranged. His will was made, the insurance was taken care of, so that when he passed, there was nothing left for us to do. He left a request with my mother that I would speak a few words. He didn't have a funeral. He had what he wanted to call a celebration of life. He asked me to speak the words at his celebration of life. And of course, I agreed. I remember when that day came, just being amazed by how many people were in the room, I had no idea that so many people had been affected by his life. All of his former students, in addition to our extended family. There were as many people in that room as there are here tonight. And it was up to me to be strong. 

 

I was their center of focus and strength for that day. I said what I needed to say, and I did what I needed to do and I lifted him and praised his life as best I could while remaining as stoic as I possibly could. After, in the parking lot, my mom approached me and she gave me a white envelope and she said, “Dale asked me to give you this after the celebration of life.” 

 

I opened the envelope, and inside was a stack of Topps trading cards, each with a portrait of a member of the principal crew of the Starship Enterprise, starting with Captain Kirk, going all the way down through Sulu, Scotty, Bones, Uhura. And the very last card was the science officer of the Enterprise, Mr. Spock. And there was a little yellow Post-it note on the card, which when I read, I finally cried, because it said, “Gary, always remember that Spock was also half-human. I love you,” Dale.