Isamula Elika Malesi - Lessons From A First Date

 

 

I was six years old when my dad called me to the living room and said, “Daughter, as you're growing up, I want you to always remember these three rules. Number one, do not have sex until you get married. Number two, do not be in a relationship with a man until you finish your undergraduate. And number three, which I'm really, really emphasizing, do not allow a man to waste your time. Have you heard me?” I said, “Yes, dad. I hear you.” 

 

I walked away, not so sure if I had understood everything that my dad told me. I held on to these rules. My life basically revolved around school, church, home. School, church, home. In primary school, my girlfriends wondered, is there a problem with Malesi? They tried to hook me up with boys or with a boy, and I said no. At some point, I used to run away after lessons. 

 

After I finished my high school, I got good grades that enabled me to secure a position at the University of Nairobi to study political science and public administration. One time, in my third year, I decided to go and apply for my passport. I walked into the building, took my ticket and I sat down waiting for my turn. Where I was seated, it was right opposite the entrance, this good looking, elegantly dressed man walked in. He took his ticket and sat in the same row where I was sitting. 

 

He tried to get my attention, but I did not bother. He then came closer and tried to say, hi. was busy scrolling through my phone. He then went ahead and told me, “Hi, girl. My name is so and I don't have any problem. I just want to know you.” I gave him a cold answer, “Hi.” He then said, “Why are you here?” I told him, “I'm here to apply for my passport.” He also told me that he was there to apply to renew his passport. 

 

Later on, after the conversation went on and he insisted on just knowing me. We ended up exchanging contacts. And his voice was so soft, and he listened to me and he just wanted to know more about me. Later on in the evening, he gave me a call. The first time, I did not pick. The second time, I did not pick. The third time, I decided, let me pick and see what he has to say. [audience laughter] 

 

Softly, in a gentle voice, he said, “It was a pleasure meeting you during the day. You were so kind to me, and I would like to know more about you. Is it okay if you can plan to meet the following day in the morning, so that I can just get to know much more about you?” I hesitated, but I said, “It's okay, we can meet.” 

 

The following day when we met, I realized we were dressed in the same way. He was in a khaki trouser and a striped shirt. I was also dressed the same way. And he mentioned, “Indeed, marriage are made in heaven.” [audience laughter] I smiled. I didn't say anything. He requested, “If it's okay, we pass by the supermarket and pick an item.” The item was a calendar planner for the mom, for the grandma who was diabetic. 

 

He needed to remind the grandma to be taking the medicine at a certain time and she marks the calendar. I did not hesitate. We took the calendar planner, went to the place where were supposed to pay. And even before the QR code was scanned, he said that digit from his memory. Then I said in a joking way, “Our children will be so brilliant. [audience laughter] 

 

We walked out, went to the restaurant. He requested me to order for anything that I needed, he will pay for it. I had taken heavy breakfast that morning, so I was not that hungry. I ordered for just a cheap thing. We continued talking. Our conversation revolved around the position of women in the society, how to survive in business, as he was dealing with importing electronic goods from China. He showed me photos of his business, the milestones that he had made. And he was just telling me how he had all the money that he needed and what he was missing in his life was a beautiful woman like me. [audience laughter] 

 

At that point, my heart began to melt a bit. I think I was starting to be attracted to him. In the midst of us talking, he looked at his watch and he gave me a sign like something was amiss. He said he needed to remind his grandma to take medicine, because she was diabetic. He took his phone from the pocket and he told me, “Oh, I'm sorry, my phone is off and I can't make this call.” I said, “How can I help you?” Then he told me in a bit embarrassing way, “Is it okay you just help me with your phone, so that I can make the call?” I did not hesitate because I wasn't-- That is the only help I could offer. He had an iPhone and I had an android. 

 

I handed over my phone to him. He dialed the number, said, “Hello, grandma,” and then he gave me a sign, “Give me a minute, I am coming back.” [audience laughter] The restaurant we were in was a bit noisy. So, I concluded he has walked out, because he's not able to hear the sickly voice of his grandma. [audience laughter] I saw him making the call somewhere at the exit of the restaurant, and I was so sure that he's coming back. 

 

After a while, he walked out and that is how I saw him. Thereafter, I waited. Five minutes turned into 30 minutes. One hour, one and a half hours, two hours, three hours. [audience laughter] The man did not show up. [audience laughter] I screamed as loud as my voice could allow me. I felt so silly and embarrassed in that restaurant. The waiter came and told me, “Madam, you have to pay the bills.” [audience laughter] I asked him, “Aren't you concerned about my feelings?” [audience laughter] 

 

I requested, “Please help me with your phone. I want to confirm something.” [audience laughter] I dialed my number and it was off. That's when the reality hit me, my phone was gone. I walked out, went into the bathrooms, looked myself into the mirror. My eyes were full of tears. I knew I had broken my dad's rules. I knew I had disappointed him. I was so much embarrassed about myself. 

 

Later on, I decided I'm going to report the matter to the police. And after I'd given the description, I was told the man was in the list of the most wanted criminals in Nairobi. The day after I met with my friends, I told them everything that had happened. They were so sorry for me, and they told me, “You know what Malesi? It's okay. We are sorry about that. But you wouldn't have known what it means to go out for a date if you never gave him a chance. Now, you know.” Thank you.