Daisy Joy Rodrigo - Ken or Kna?

 

 

 

So, I'm sitting in the living room of my parents’ home. I am freaking out. What I'm about to say is going to change the way in which they thought my life was going to unfold. What I'm about to say can change everything. There were girls in our community that were shipped off to India, never to be seen again after saying what I was getting ready to say. 

 

My family are not just Indian Catholics, but they are Kna Indian Catholics. So, what I'm going to tell you about this, is that in the culture, the roots are deep and the rules are endless. Short story form the Knas are the descendants of a nomadic tribe that consisted of 72 families and 7 clans that were all of Jewish, Christian Syrian descent. They were led to the southern coast of India and lived in the state of Kerala by Thomas of Cana, where they practiced endogamy since the fourth century. 

 

So, what am I trying to say here, is that Knas marry Knas. But I was in love with Ken. [audience laughter] And Ken is not Kna. But he is Catholic, but Ken's Puerto Rican. So, I'm telling myself, “I can do it. I can do it.” There's my older, unmarried sister next to me like, “Do it already.” But here's the thing. I'm scared. Actually petrified. When we think about rebels, we always talk about, “Oh, man, they're so brave, they're so strong” and they're all those things. But deep down inside, they're also very scared. So, I took deep breath and I said to my parents, “Hey, you know my friend, Ken? I think I want to marry him.” [audience laughter]

 

Okay. So, a little side note about Indian parents. Indian parents do not want to know who you are dating. They want to know who you're marrying. Kind of puts unnecessary pressure on a first date like, “Hi, my name is Daisy. Where is this going?” So, Indian women, we tend not to share such details until we're 100% sure on where this is going. So, what that means is that Indian daughters are fiercely loyal to their parents, but they do keep separate worlds, keep their dating world, a secret, and then their traditional Indian world as well. 

 

So, back in the living room, and I'm looking at my parents and I'm like, “If they go with this, I will be the first in the family to get to marry a Puerto Rican guy.” [audience laughter] Marry outside the culture, not have an arranged marriage. And so, my mother is looking at me and then she looks at my sister, and then she looks back at me and she says, “You have to ask her if you could get married first.” Because she's older than me and remember, I told you Knas endless rules. 

 

So, I turned to my sister, who knew about this plan all along and said, “Hey, are you okay with this?” And she's like, “Yeah. Sure.” And I'm like, “Okay. Great.” But unfortunately, that's when the questioning began. So, my parents, “Where is he from?” And I said, “Brooklyn.” Thanks to the evening news in the late 1990s and the early 2000s, my parents had a terrible perception of Brooklyn. [audience laughter]

 

Then, they asked, “Well, what is his job?” And I said, “Well, he's a manager with Federal Express.” All my mother heard was federal and she said, “Oh, federal job. Very good.” [audience laughter] I was like, “Listen, I'm going to take this as a win right now.” There are a lot of details we've got to iron out. Just going to skip through this.” [audience laughter] So, then they ask, “Well, what is his religion?” And I said, “He's Catholic.” So, there was common ground and a lot of silence. 

 

So, we're in this living room. And now, all of us are staring at the ginormous sacred heart of Jesus painting that is up on the wall. All these years, I have never thought about what my parents were thinking during that time, because I'm like, “This is all about me.” I know I was praying in that Jesus picture like you would not believe. But now that I think about it, I think they were praying too. And so, then my dad says, “Well, it's tradition. We have to inform the elders of your plan.” 

 

And so, he stands up, and he leaves the living room, and he walks down the hallway, and he opens the door to his master bedroom, and my mom is right behind him and they shut the door. And I'm like, “This is really happening.” They're making the call. Like, that's the official. This is really happening. And so, I can hear them on the phone. With that one phone call, you wouldn't believe the number of phone calls that came after, because the Indian community does not play. When there's dirt out there, [onomatopoeia]

 

So, I can hear bits and pieces of his conversation. And I can hear the banter. And it was like, “Well, she's not marrying an Indian person, so she can't have an Indian wedding. She cannot follow tradition. She's breaking tradition.” I remember hearing my father say, “The only way I know to send her off is using the Knanaya traditions. So, I'm going to marry my daughter off the only way that I know how.” He said a lot to me that night. And as every phone call he took thereafter, his voice became stronger and stronger. The one message I remember is him saying, “Daisy knows the way to her happiness, so I'm going to follow her.” I am so badass. [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause]

 

But you know what? The truth is, it's actually my mom and dad, who were the real badasses. Because not only did they okay it, they had my back. They gave me the greatest gift of all. And that's the gift to allow me to be who I truly am. And for that, I am going to be forever grateful. Thank you. 

 

[cheers and applause]