Erik Heen - I Was Not Her Real Dad

 

 

When I was 26 years old, I fell in love with a woman who was eight years older than I was. She had just divorced an abusive man, and there was rumors that she had issues with alcohol. So, this was not a good recipe for a healthy relationship, but I was in love and I moved in with her. 

 

To complicate things, she had two daughters, 12 and 14 years old. The first thing the youngest daughter, Bridget, said to me the day I moved in was, “My real dad is going to kick your ass.” [audience laughter] I shrugged that off. I figured the mother would take care of the daughters and I would have not much to do with them kids. But almost right away, these paternal instincts just kicked in, and I'd get so I would want to help them with their homework, or if boys came around, I'd get really protective. I was feeling fatherly there. 

 

The older girl, she was very independent. No problems at all with her. But this younger girl, Bridget, she terrorized me. [audience laughter] She'd call me names. She'd call me buttmunch all the time. [audience laughter] She'd come up behind me, and hit me in the back as hard as she could and then run off. But I always figured that maybe it's just an act. And then, maybe deep down, she had a good heart. [audience laughter]

 

Well, as time went on, the mother relapsed into some alcohol issues, so this interfered with her parental skills. The father was a deadbeat, and he had drinking issues as well. So, I looked at this Bridget, and I'm thinking poor kid. And so, I'd do stuff. I bought her a guitar, guitar lessons. I'd go to her school programs and clap for her, trying to do what I could. But all through this, she still treated me just like crap. But I thought, well, it's not that bad, because at least she's on the right track. But in the long run, maybe I wasn't doing so good there, because after a while, she started skipping classes. She got busted for shoplifting. Eventually, she was starting to use drugs. It didn't look good for Bridget. 

 

One day, the older sister called me when I was at work, and she said, “Bridget's been arrested, and mom is not in any condition to handle the situation.” So, I rushed over to the police station, and juvenile officer told me that Bridget had gotten into a fight with another girl and that Bridget had pulled out a knife. They brought me back to this room back there where she was sitting. As soon as she saw me, she said, “Get him out of here. He's not my real dad.” So, they brought me back out to the front. They said, “Yeah, technically, you're not the legal guardian, so get out.” 

 

Well, I went home and I looked around and I thought, what the hell am I doing here? So, I didn't love the mother for a long time. Bridget hated my guts. And I wasn't her father. Right then, I decided people don't change. If you try to help them change, you're only going to waste your own life. Within 24 hours, I was packed up and I was gone. I cut off all communications with them. 

 

There's a little more to the story. 10 years later, I'm living here in Houston, got a whole new life. About the time Facebook came out, I joined. And right off the bat, I get this message, and it's from Bridget. She said that she'd been trying to find me for years and that she said, “Call me right away. It's very important.” And she had her phone number there. I looked at her Facebook page here. She's a realtor. She volunteers for all these community projects. She changed? I was wrong. 

 

So, I called the number and hear her voice, all these memories flooding back. She said that all through her childhood that I was the only one who really gave her much time and effort. She said when she changed that I was her role model for that. And she said, “I met this really great guy.” She said, “He reminds me of you.” And she said, “I want you to come, give me away at my wedding ceremony next month.” And I said, hell, yeah, I'll do it. [audience laughter] And I said, but why aren't you asking your real dad? And she said, “I am.” Thank you.